


The comments

by Randomhphg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anorexia, Anxiety, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Quidditch, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2020-12-17 17:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 72
Words: 62,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21058205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomhphg/pseuds/Randomhphg
Summary: Harry felt guilty for making gryffindor lose the quidditch cup last year and try's to hard to make sur they win it this year. Mean comments from Draco doesn't help.****no smuts. Only fluff*******triger warning****Also please do not uses this to trigger yourself into an eating disorder or any other mental health as I'm just trying to help spread awareness and I don't want any of you being ill. You can aways message me and talk even if it has nothing to do with this. I love you all and i would hate to see you get hurt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Intro**

Harry felt really guilty about being unconscious for the last game that could have won them the quidditch cup in his first and second year. Wood would not stop using it somehow against him. He was the reason Wood felt the need to get up so early in the morning to practice now he was in third year. Now the Gryffindor team had to practice after dinner, Harry only had time for lessons homework and Quidditch. A snide comment from Malfoy doesn't help either.

Ps. This is my first fanfic so please be nice

Pps. The picture for this story is not mine. All credit goes to the creator.

All the characters belong to our queen JK Rowling x

***this fan flic belongs to [Depressedkittenxx](https://www.wattpad.com/user/Depressedkittenxx) who wrote this chapter I'm just adding from chapter 10***


	2. Chapter 1

Harry sat up in his bed as he heard a loud banging on his room door. "Harry? Harry time for Quidditch practice!" As he looked around his room none of the others really appreciated this early morning wake up call. They had also been woken up by Wood a many times as he shouted for Harry through their dorm door. "Coming Oliver!" Harry shouted back from his bed. Putting on his Quidditch robes and grabbing his broom, Harry went down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room only to see everyone there. "Sorry to keep you all waiting" Harry said quietly.

"That's okay" said Fred and George in harmony and they smiled. "Right time to go to the Quidditch pitch." Wood smiled. After half an hour the Gryffindors finally got onto the field. There was still a coldness to the air and morning dew on the floor but that didn't seem to affect the players as they were flying. An hour later Ron and Hermione came out with food and waved at Harry from the stands as they sat down. "Breakfast has started!" George said noticing his brother with a plate of food. "That's enough practice for this morning. We will carry on at lunch!" Wood shouted so the whole team could hear him. Everyone dove down and raced into the changing rooms. "Coming Harry?" Called Katie. "No thanks, Bell. I think I'm going to practice some more." Harry called after her. "This is the third time Harry has missed breakfast this week." Hermione whispered to Ron. "Yeah" Ron said "I think Wood is being to hard on him about not being at the last quidditch match last year. I don't think he is taking it very well.."

~

This chapter was written by [Depressedkittenxx](https://www.wattpad.com/user/Depressedkittenxx)


	3. Chapter three

At lunch the Gryffindors went to practice and Harry was there before anyone else ready to get started. "You ready?" Wood said looking at Harry, who was already in the air. Harry nodded and Wood let the snitch fly high into the sky. Chasing after it Harry's stomach started to rumble. Harry thought about food but pushed it to the back of his mind as he caught sight of the golden snitch. George and Fred flew up to Ron and Hermione, who were in the stands, "has Harry had anything to eat today? He doesn't look to well."Fred questioned   
"Nothing." Hermione said quickly "Nothing?!" George repeated hoping he had miss heard her. "No. He hasn't had anything to eat so far today." Hermione said. "He didn't have anything yesterday at breakfast or the day before!" Ron chimed in.   
"Ronald! We said we wouldn't mention that!" She paused "but he is right though. Harry only had a little bit to eat at lunch and dinner and then went straight to Quidditch." Fred and George exchanged worried glances with everyone except from Wood who was not looking at them. Instead Wood was shouting at Harry different tactics to catch the snitch. "That can't be good for him can it if he is flying around a lot with barely any to no food in him. Can it?" Ron asked   
"No. Not at all." Fred agreed "it is really hard work playing Quidditch for hours on a full stomach let alone an empty one!" Hermione looked even more concerned than before "Is this all because of Wood making Harry feel guilty about missing the last quidditch game last year? Because the lighter the player the quicker they are!" Hermione was not impressed and glared at Oliver "Not entirely." Ron muttered under his breath. "Ron? What are you not telling us?" Hermione said catching on to the fact Ron was not telling them the whole truth. "Malfoy may have said something to Harry" Ron mumbled under his breath. "Ron? What are you not telling us?" Hermione said catching on to the fact Ron was not telling them the whole truth. "Malfoy may have said something to Harry" Ron mumbled "WHAT?!" Hermione was fuming. This had got Harry and Wood's attention. "He may have said to beat him Harry might have to lose the extra weight" "WHAT?! THAT FERRET. I PROMISE MERLIN I'LL-"   
"Calm down 'mione"   
"CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN! RON YOU BETTER HOLD ME BACK OR I PROMISE I WILL NOT LET HIM GET TO HIS NEXT LESSON ALIVE!" Now Harry flew over to the group and Fred and George left to give them some privacy. "Harry! Your perfect you don't have to beat Draco or believe any thing he says!" Hermione was sobbing now "YOU TOLD HER?" Harry shouted at Ron "I TOLD YOU NOT TO! WE BOTH KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!" Harry got off his broom in the stands and glared at Ron. Hermione hugged him tight and could tell he was definitely thinner "Oh Harry your thinner than last week already" Harry looked down at his stomach " I guess I am." He looked back up at Hermione then Ron "You guess? You've lost 4pounds since last Monday!" Harry glared at Ron "4?! Harry you're already really thin you don't need to lose more! If anything you need to put on more!"  
~  
This chapter was written by Depressedkittenxx


	4. Chapter 3

"That's not what Malfoy said" Harry muttered "Who cares what Malfoy says?" Hermione argues  
"I CARE!" Hermione and Ron look a little taken back. Harry took a deep breath. "I care because he is right! If I want to win this year for my team I will have to be faster than him. Even if that means starving myself It's worth it for the team" Wood who had just caught the last line said "You're right Harry it is worth it for the team. We must do whatever we can to beat Slytherin this year!" With Hermione now giving him a death stare he thought he had obviously done something wrong but he didn't know what. "See! Even Wood agrees"  
"whatever we can to beat Slytherin this year' . Hermione, whatever it takes." Hermione didn't look impressed. "Stop getting stupid ideas in his head Oliver! It's not his fault he missed the last Quidditch match last year!" Wood now looked confused "Yes it was, him being unconscious was his fault!" This hit home for Harry. He had thought it had been his fault for being unconscious but he had never expected Wood to admit that he agreed with Harry.  
~  
This chapter was written by Depressedkittenxx


	5. Chapter 4

Days past and Harry still continued to eat little to nothing on a daily basis. Now he was getting noticeably thinner and you could now see a faint outline of some bones. Today was also the day that the Gryffindors had their first match and it was against Slytherin. Harry had been looking forward to this match as he would finally have a chance to show to Malfoy even though his team may have better brooms Harry could still win this for Gryffindor. Having lost another 2 pounds in a couple of days Harry was looking skinnier having lost 6 pounds in total. Harry thought to himself "Well if I go and stay with the Dursley's they might not complain about having to feed me much." Even though this was a sad thought Harry smiled. The Dursley's. They had never made him feel self-conscious about his body as the other two male figures were both a lot bigger than he was. How he wished he had not heard Malfoy snide remark. He couldn't help it now even if he wanted to. It had done its damage already.  
~  
This chapter was written by Depressedkittenxx


	6. Chapter 6

****The next chapters are from Draco Malfoy's perspective.****  
~  
Walking onto the Quidditch pitch I was as ready as ever to beat stupid Potter for the first time this year. But when I saw the Gryffindor team I am shocked to see a smaller player in his place. They looked thinner and bonier. Wait. That is Potter! I would not have noticed if it weren't for the wind blowing his hair to reveal his scar. He was remarkably thinner and didn't look to well. Suddenly I flash back to something I remember saying to him. "If you want to win this year Potter, you might have to lose the extra weight!" Then I had laughed with Crabbe and Goyle and walked off. I had not expected him to take it seriously though. Come to think of it I haven't seen him in the Great Hall as much recently when the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team was there. At least not eating. Not that I was paying attention. The way his jet-black hair fell it drew attention to the fact I can see his collar bones and his ribs through his Quidditch clothes. Had he really lose so much weight to almost leave him unrecognisable in just over a week? Could my words really affect him his much? Apparently so...  
~  
This chapter was written by Depressedkittenxx


	7. Chapter 7

Harry, seeing Draco staring at him in utter disbelief, gave him a slight awkward wave. But before Draco could wave back Madame Hooch blew the whistle signifying the beginning of the match. Harry who was already on his broom flew up into the sky to watch the game from above while looking for the snitch and Draco was quick to join him. After 10 minutes Draco still hadn't stopped following Harry around the pitch, "You look... different, Potter." "Than the last time you saw me practice? Yeah. I guess I do."  
Draco looked at Harry. 'I guess I do' is what he said 'I guess' Harry had lost a lot of weight considering he was already thin. Draco couldn't help but say "Is this because of what I said?" Draco questioned gesturing towards Harry. But before Draco could check that Harry had heard him Harry dove obviously spotting the snitch. Draco may have been right though, the lighter the player the faster they go. This was definitely happening in Harry's situation. Harry was a lot faster than before but Draco still had the faster broom. The only thing was that Draco didn't know where the snitch was. Then Harry stopped. "It wasn't just you Malfoy. It was other people as well. Not every thing is about you!" Then Harry sped off again leaving Draco in shock. Before Draco could understand what had just happened Madame Hooch blew the whistle to show the snitch had been caught. "Ending with 30 points for Slytherin and 170 points for Gryffindor. Gryffindor wins!" Draco heard a voice shout. "Potter..." Nothing had hit Draco like this. He was part of the reason another student was starving themselves, even if it was Potter. He actually felt...bad for him.  
~  
This chapter was written by Depressedkittenxx


	8. Chapter 8

Hours later back in the Gryffindor common room Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in their normal places and Ron was trying to copy Hermione's homework but failing. It was nearly one in the morning and everyone else had gone to bed. Almost out of nowhere Harry said "Guys, what would you do if I were bi?" Ron and Hermione were both a taken back by his sudden question. "Are you?" Ron asked bluntly. "Maybe. I think so." Harry replied. Ron was looking Harry up and down to see if it was a joke but Hermione being polite said "When did you figure this out?"   
"I think it was when Jordan said 'might this be the start of a new relationship' then back tracked. I think it might have had something to do with Malfoy." Harry said "So you're gay because of Malfoy?" Ron said bluntly again. "He might be the reason I am figuring this out. And it's bi not gay." Harry said in reply. Ron and Hermione both paused. Malfoy the reason Harry had now come out as bi. That was something neither of them had expected but then the nicest things are surprises. "You know Malfoy's straight right?" This little voice shocked everyone except Hermione. Ginny who had apparently been sitting in the corner reading had not been noticed by Harry when he started talking. "G-Ginny when did you..? What did you hear?" Harry stuttered. "I've been here the whole time. But obviously no one noticed!" Harry looked embarrassed now "Oh don't do that. You've gone all red. I won't say anything. Anyway Ron was bound to tell me accidentally at some point. Better I heard it from you."  
The two boys were speechless but Hermione was giggling. "I told you our conversations were worth staying up for!"   
"YOU KNEW SHE WAS THERE?" Ron whisper/shouted at Hermione. "Well, yes?" She said calming down slightly. "But I didn't know Harry would say what he did."   
"I guessed he would say it to you but not me. Looks like I was right." They all looked at Ginny in surprise. "You guessed?" A hint of worry in Harry's voice. "Yes. After I heard you laugh at Lee's response to Draco's glare."  
~  
This chapter was written by Depressedkittenxx


	9. Chapter 9

Hours later back in the Gryffindor common room Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in their normal places and Ron was trying to copy Hermione's homework but failing. It was nearly one in the morning and everyone else had gone to bed. Almost out of nowhere Harry said "Guys, what would you do if I were bi?" Ron and Hermione were both a taken back by his sudden question. "Are you?" Ron asked bluntly. "Maybe. I think so." Harry replied. Ron was looking Harry up and down to see if it was a joke but Hermione being polite said "When did you figure this out?"   
"I think it was when Jordan said 'might this be the start of a new relationship' then back tracked. I think it might have had something to do with Malfoy." Harry said "So you're gay because of Malfoy?" Ron said bluntly again. "He might be the reason I am figuring this out. And it's bi not gay." Harry said in reply. Ron and Hermione both paused. Malfoy the reason Harry had now come out as bi. That was something neither of them had expected but then the nicest things are surprises. "You know Malfoy's straight right?" This little voice shocked everyone except Hermione. Ginny who had apparently been sitting in the corner reading had not been noticed by Harry when he started talking. "G-Ginny when did you..? What did you hear?" Harry stuttered. "I've been here the whole time. But obviously no one noticed!" Harry looked embarrassed now "Oh don't do that. You've gone all red. I won't say anything. Anyway Ron was bound to tell me accidentally at some point. Better I heard it from you."  
The two boys were speechless but Hermione was giggling. "I told you our conversations were worth staying up for!"   
"YOU KNEW SHE WAS THERE?" Ron whisper/shouted at Hermione. "Well, yes?" She said calming down slightly. "But I didn't know Harry would say what he did."   
"I guessed he would say it to you but not me. Looks like I was right." They all looked at Ginny in surprise. "You guessed?" A hint of worry in Harry's voice. "Yes. After I heard you laugh at Lee's response to Draco's glare."  
~  
This chapter was written by Depressedkittenxx


	10. Chapter 10

Harry was screwed. If Ginny had been able to figure out and only knowing him for less than a year, he had no chance with Malfoy not finding out. "Oh no." Harry said finally.  
"Harry what's wrong?" Ron said.  
"If Ginny could tell I guessing so could Malfoy. I'm screwed. Endless mocking till we graduate Hogwarts and even then he will send me owls mocking me! I'm so screwed." "Harry you're exaggerating!" Ginny said, "I was only able to tell because I pay attention to you. It's really not that bad." Harry looked up from his knees that he had placed his eyes over. "I hope you're right Ginny." Ginny smiled. "Now if you don't mind I'm going to bed so I can actually focus during lessons." She looked at Harry "Good luck Harry. You have potions first don't you?"   
"Yeah. Why?" Ginny tilted her head.   
"Snape" Ginny reminded him. Harry moaned and Ginny giggled "Good luck!" She said before disappearing up the girls dorm stairs. "She has a point. I'm going to bed." Hermione said   
"Same" said the other two. "Good night Hermione"   
"Good night."

The next morning Harry woke up to see no one else in the room and thought that they would have all gone to breakfast and was right. He didn't panic as there was still and hour before lessons started for the day. Snape first. This would be interesting. Harry got to class early like he had done since he stopped eating breakfast every morning. Getting there early also meant that he would be in the cold dungeons for at least another 20 minutes and would have to deal other Malfoy again. To his dismay Draco showed up 5 minutes after he did but not with anyone, which came as a surprise. "Malfoy."  
"Potter."  
"What do you want Malfoy?"  
"To apologise for what I said."  
"You already have" Harry snapped back.  
"No I haven't. That was shouting an apology from the other side of the pitch. I wanted to apologise properly where I could actually hear your response." Draco sounded sincere. He did care about Harry and his ever smaller body. "Fine. Apology accepted. Now can you just stop talking." The rest of the time waiting was quiet between the two until Snape let everyone in the class 10 minutes later. Draco pulled Hermione out from the que of students going into the class room. "What do you think you're doing? Get off me!" Hermione shouted at Draco "Shut up will you." Hermione was about to walk away before he grabbed her again. "Can you just make sure Harry goes to the hospital wing. He hasn't had much to eat recently and it's showing." Then he let go of her and walked into class. Hermione stood dumbfounded staring at where Draco had been standing. He cared that Harry had lost weight enough to ask someone who he hates and knows that they hate him back to take him to the hospital wing. Of course she wouldn't mention anything to Harry or Ron but she would tell Harry to go and see Madame Pomfrey.  
~  
This chapter was written by Depressedkittenxx


	11. Chapter 11

After the bell had gone Hermione dragged Harry from potions all the way to the hospital wing. "Hermione I can walk without you holding onto my arm." Harry said snidely. Hermione didn't let go. "Maybe you should have thought about that before you stopped eating." With that, Harry went quiet and let Hermione drag him up flights of stairs to the hospital wing with Ron not to far behind. When they got to the hospital wing Hermione threw the door open with a loud 'BANG' that scared everyone except herself. Harry quickly sat down on the nearest bed that wasn't occupied, as he was always scared of Hermione when she was being protective, and watched her as she went to go get Madame Pomfrey from her office. Not two minutes later she came out of the office with Madame Pomfrey not too far behind and lead her to Harry. "My dear, you don't look to well! You're so thin!" She said as she cast a few spell to check his state. "You should have come here sooner." Harry looked down realising he didn't come by will, more like Hermione dragged him here. What had made her suddenly feel like she had to take me here? This had been happening for weeks. Had someone asked her to take me here? But right now he didn't care. He just wanted to leave the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey gave Harry some nutrition potions and told the other to leave to let Harry get some rest. Harry didn't like being left alone. It meant he he had time to think about everything like if his friends and teachers really cared about him. He thought but he seemed to think that if he disappeared or died no one would care they would just carry on with their normal lives like if his friends and teachers really cared about him. He thought but he seemed to think that if he disappeared or died no one would care they would just carry on with their normal lives like he never existed. Right? That's what the Dursley's would do. And all people are the same. They pretend to like you then just treat you like rubbish or just leave. No one actually cares. Do they?  
~   
This is the last chapter written by Depressedkittenxx


	12. Chapter 12

He remained up for most of the night, his thoughts still bouncing around his head. The hospital wing was empty. The people who were there, had been discharged that afternoon or evening. The door began to open, it was probably the middle of the night why would anyone be coming in at this hour. Hermione and Ron vistes him earlier in the afternoon. Before he went to 'sleep'.He didn't really go to sleep he just pretended to so Madam Pomfrey would make him eat. He knew he couldn't, he didn't need to. He was still staring at the door as it swept open. He saw someone standing there in Slytherin ropes, he thought that it must just be a trick of the light, it was dark it must of been. The figure slowly approach him, he could make out his pale blonde hair as well. It was Malfoy. What would Malfoy wantWait, how did he know he was there?   
"What do you want, Malfoy?"  
"To see how you were, look I'm sorry about what I said"  
"Leave me alone Malfoy" as he turned over to avoid eye contact with Malfoy, he couldn't understand why he cared so much.  
"I brought you some food, I heard you still didn't eat earlier?" Malfoy said as he placed some bread on the side of the table next to him.  
"I'm not hungry, anyway why do you care?" Harry said shoving it back at Malfoy. Draco didn't understand why he did care so much, he always hated Potter but all of a sudden he began to worry about him, Harry was practically killing himself. "Doesn't matter, just eat something please." All of sudden he released who asked Hermione to take him here. It was Malfoy. It had to be Hermione was behind them when going in, but all of a sudden disappeared. "You asked Hermione to take me here didn't you?"  
"Yes, but only because-"  
"Because you wanted to ruin gryffindor chances at winning, how pathetic can you get Malfoy." Harry whisper shouted.  
"No, potter because-"  
"Just go away I don't care what you have to say, I know you are trying to ruin gryffindor chances at winning, so slytherin can win" as he threw the plate at Malfoy. Malfoy decided that it was a loss cause and picked up the plate and left. Harry sighed, he couldn't believe that Hermione would listen to him, she was helping him win the quidditch cup.  
~  
Chapter Written by me   
~  
Hey, I hope you enjoyed tell me what you think in the comments and how to improve, I hope it was ok? Have a nice day.  
~bay


	13. Chapter 13

Harry laid there most of the night awake, he thought he may of got a couple hours sleep that night, but that was all. He couldn't stop thinking about how Hermione listened to Malfoy. She must of wanted gryffindor to lose anyway, she hates quidditch, well she's never said that, but I'm sure she would prefer to be studying. All she needed was an excuse not to go. It was perfect, get gryffindor to lose the quidditch cup, I get kicked of the team, because it all my fault for not being at training and in the stupid hospital wing instead. Then she wouldn't have to go as none of her close friends played for the team anymore. This made so much sense. "How are you feeling Harry?" Hermione said still looking concerned. She only acting she doesn't care, she wants to make gryffindor loses. "Why would you care." Harry bust out, barely able to control how angry he was at her. He turned over to see just Hermione sitting their looking confused, upset, worried and concerned. It just an act he kept telling himself. "Harry, what's wrong?" Hermione asked still shocked at his reaction. "Look Granger" He said, he felt in no place to use her fist name, how could he even call her a friend after what she did. "There's no need to go make gryffindor lose the quidditch cup, just so I get kicked of the team, so you don't have to come down to pitch and have time to study instead. You don't have to come. You don't have to come here. Although I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your's and Malfoy's pathetic attempt to get gryffindor to lose." He blurted out.   
"Harry, I don't want gryffindor to loses, you need to eat, you haven't even touched your breakfast. You didn't eat lunch or dinner either." Harry didn't notice that he had his breakfast there. He knew he had to make it look like he ate. He came up with an idea on how to make it seem like he did, he just needed to get rid of Hermione fist. "I know you don't actually care" he blurted out "just go, leave me alone" Hermione jumped to her feet tears ran down her face but Harry only payed attention to how quickly see left, she must of been happy to get out of there. He pulled out his wand, hovered it over his food and used a vanishing spell. It still left some food. But it made it look like he ate. But he didn't release that there was a familiar red head, who had just walked in, standing there.  
~  
Hey guys, hope you enjoyed, I decided to write enough chapter today as I was bored and had so many ideas I couldn't wait to continue. Don't forget to leave your feedback in the comments, I'm always looking for ways to improve. Have a nice day.  
~bay xx


	14. Chapter 14

The red head, came closer to the bed. "Mate" the voice sounded, Harry could tell that it was Ron. "You know you need to eat something."   
"I'm not hungry" Harry said. At this point it was a natural answer, he didn't even have to think about it before replying.   
"I know that's a lie" Ron mumbled. "You have barely eaten in weeks."   
"Don't tell anyone." Harry whispered. "I'm fine. Hermione just trying to get gryffindor to lose the quidditch cup. She been speaking to Malfoy. He told her to bring me here."  
"Look, I don't care what Hermione trying to do. It's still dangerous. And you need to eat something."  
"Look it fine. Just swear not to tell anyone."   
"Fine" sighed Ron.

The rest of the day went by. Harry continued to vanish his food. Ron came later that evening. Hermione decided that it wasn't the b idea to go see him, but she was worried sick. She kept asking Ron how he was doing. He didn't want her to worry anymore than she was, so he kept have promise and said that he was fine, and doing better. The next evening Harry was aloud to return to his dorm.

Harry walked into the gryffindor common room. Hermione walked towards him. He really didn't want to talk to Hermione, he couldn't believe what she was trying to do. she should of just said, he wouldn't mind if she didn't want to come to watch the games and that.   
"Harry" Hermione whispered.  
"I don't want to talk to you, your trying to make gryffindor lose. Go away." Harry basically yelled at her. This court the attention of the quidditch team that just walked in, soaking from the rain. Hermione walked up to her dorm as a tear ran down her face. She couldn't understand why Harry felt like that. She wished that she was able to help him. But she couldn't, he didn't even want to talk to her. The quidditch team where the twins exchanged worried glances. They where some of the only people who knew the reason he was at the hospital wing, the rest of the team had a good idea. Except Wood, he was being blind to the issues at hand. The only thing he was worried about was beating gryffindor. "Harry" wood shouted "are you able to come back to practice tomorrow" Harry nodded his head "yeah, of corse." At this point everyone in the room except Harry and wood looked extremely worried. Harry head up to bed but decided he couldn't sleep, so he got his invisibility cloak and headed out the common room. 

He headed up to the astronomy tower. He enjoyed sitting there, the gloomy dark blue sky, the silver crescent moon, gleaming down just able to make out the forbidden forest in the distance. The starts scattered across the sky. He lent back against the cobblestone wall, as he started to hear footsteps, someone decided to follow him here.  
~  
Hey guys, so I decided to write enough chapter, I'm probably going to write every other day or so for the next couple weeks, as it the summer holidays and I spend most my time on my phone anyway. So tell me what you think of it so far and any improvement that can be made, also do you like this little bit at the end or not, anyway, stay safe. Hope you are having a nice day.  
~ Bay xx


	15. Chapter 15

He looked at the figure, why would anyone be up at this time of night it didn't make any sense. He looked over to see who it was, hoping it wasn't a teacher or Flinch, that would end bad. Probably lose about 50 points from the house cup, then they would lose, both quidditch cup and house cup. Everyone would hate him for that. He noticed his pale blond hair, wait that's Malfoy.   
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Harry practically yelled   
"Why you up here at this time of night?"  
"Couldn't sleep, why are you up here?"   
"Long story" Malfoy replied uncertain on what to say. "Guess I couldn't sleep either." He half lied, he couldn't go to sleep, but the reason he was up there was because he followed Harry up there.   
"Likely story" Harry sarcastically whispered. "You followed me. Why else would you come up here?"   
"Yeah, ok I followed you, but I only did it because-"   
"Because you want gryffindor to lose the house cup as well, your going to go tell Snape and get me in trouble and get house points taken away."  
"I don't care about the stupid house cup." Malfoy replied with a slight bit of concern. "Hermione and me I are worried about you. Are you ok?"  
Harry couldn't understand why he was so 'worried' about him. Also why Hermione was still trying to help make gryffindor lose.   
"Yes, leave me alone." He replied getting frustrated at this point.  
"Don't lie, please we want to help."  
"I'm fine, if I wasn't I would still be in the hospital wing, wouldn't I."  
"Ok, just go back to your dorm it cold out here."  
"Fine, I just want to stay here a little longer." Harry responded as Draco walked over and sat against the cold,ruff cobblestone wall.   
"Ok, but I'm staying with you." Draco said quietly. Harry sighed but nodded. As Harry continue to stare at the moon, noticing how similar they looked to Draco's gleaming silvery grey eyes. The dark blue sky painted, with diamonds scattered across, was away so beautiful at this time of night. He looked to his side to see that Draco was still sat their. Harry was almost certain he liked Draco but he knew it would never work, but it would be nice to be friends. He turns back to stare at the sky, he felt a gentle graze against his back. He turned to look at Draco who had placed his arm around Harry. Draco looked at Harry and smiled. Harry couldn't believe what was happening. But he decided to smile back and turned towards the sky, and all the diamonds scattered across it.   
~  
Hey guys, sorry it didn't work earlier, hope it's working now. Hope you enjoy and it's ok. Leave your feedback in the comments . Have a nice day  
~bay xx


	16. Chapter 16

Harry and Draco sat there for a while, just staring at the sky. The blue sky as the blue and blacks mugres with each other. Diamonds scattered across. Draco turned his head to look at Harry. "Harry, I think we should go inside now." Harry turned and nodded as they got up, walked down the stairs and head down the corridors to there dorms, the only other thing they said to each other was "bye". Harry headed towards his dorm. Headed to the portrait. "Wattlebird" Harry spoke as the portrait swung open. And he walked into the common room and went to head up to the dorm, but to his surprise he saw Hermione and Ron sat there. What would they be doing up at this time, they weren't up when he left. He went to continue to head up to his dorm. "Harry" Ron said grabbing Harry by his sleeve pulling him to sit down. "What are you doing up at this time of night." Ron asked as Hermione sat there awkwardly knowing that Harry probably didn't want to talk to her. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go to the astronomy tower." Harry said preparing himself to deal with the interrogation about what exactly he was doing. Ron looked over at him concern filled his eyes. "What were you doing up there, where you with anyone." Ron and Hermione were both staring, waiting for his answer. "just looking at the sky" Harry replied hoping they forgot about the other question, he really didn't want to answer that, knowing that they would probably get the wrong idea. Especially Ron. "And.... were you with anyone?" Ron asked as Harry knew that there was no way to get out of this question. "Well Malfoy did follow me, and refused to let me stay there on my own." Harry responded "anyway, my turn to ask a question." Harry said staring at the both of them. "Ok go on then mate" Ron replied as Harry stared over at Hermione, as she thought to herself that this can't be good. "Well I'm not sure this is really a question but, I'm sorry Hermione." A single tear ran down Hermione's face. She was so happy that Harry forgave her. "Will you forgive me?" Harry asked still stating at Hermione. Hermione jumped up and hugged Harry's thin, cold malnourished body. "Of corse" she said then went and sat back down. "Harry, your way to thin." Hermione whispered, looking ver at Harry. Harry was uncertain on what to say he just looked at Hermione, half wanting to agree and half not wanting to. There was an awkward silence then Ron decided to break the tension "so what happened with malfoy then." Hermione looked over at Ron for a split second then her eyes flicked back to Harry. "Well, we talked not about a lot, I asked if he followed me, he said yes I yelled at him a bit. Then he wanted me to go back inside, but I wanted to stay a little longer so he decided to sit next to me and place his arm on my shoulder." Harry said, as a small smile grew on his face at the last part. As Hermione smiled at Harry as she was happy to see that he was, so was Ron. "Anyway" Hermione spoke "you better go to bed. You have quidditch in the morning." Harry smiled as he nodded. "Yeah ok" as they head up towards their dorms and "goodnight" Hermione whispered making sure no one was woken up. "Night" the other two said as they headed to bed, Harry stared at the ceiling, then slowly drifted of into sleep.  
~  
Hi guys, I hope you guys were able to read the last chapter ok after I tried to reupload it. Anyway I hope you enjoyed, I would love it if you could vote and comment, but that's internally up to you. But thank you for 110 reads. I hope your enjoying the story so far. Tell me if there's anyway I can improve it. Have a great day.  
~bay XX


	17. Chapter 17

The sun began to rise starting to fill the dorm with light, Harry stared to wake up. "Harry" a voice shouted. "Quidditch practice hurry up" at this point the whole dorm was awake. The others definitely didn't miss this wake up call each morning. Harry completely forgot that he had quidditch practice and quickly got ready and head down to the common room. "Sorry to keep you waiting, agin" Harry mumbled as he walked towards the group. "It fine" Fred said as they began to head down towards the pitch. They soon got to the pitch. Harry was extremely excited to be able to go back to playing quidditch, it may have only been a day but their watch between Ravenclaw was coming up, well maybe not for a while there was Ravenclaw against hufflepuff coming up before their match, but you can never get to much practice, right?  
** I'm change POV to harry fiat person for the rest of the chapter**  
Like aways Ron and Hermione came down, Ron aways waving food in the air. We all fly down to wood, "that's the end of practice for now, but we will continue at lunch" wood shouted to make sure everyone heard. I decided that I would get some more practice so I could catch up with the practice I missed yesterday. "Harry" Ron shouted. "You coming"  
"I was going to stay and practice, catch up on what I missed yesterday." At this point Ron and Hermione exchanged worried glances, so did Fred and George. Hermione graded my arm. "I think not, your coming to breakfast, I'm quite sure Fred and George are able to tell you any different strategies, that they came up with at breakfast." At this point Hermione had already dragged me about half may. Everyone looked scared at this point except Hermione. The twins nodded. "Yeah, don't worry about what you missed yesterday, it wasn't much." George said, I was unsure if that's what he would of said if Hermione wasn't there probably about to kill someone. We soon reached the great hall and went over to the gryffindor table and sat down, I was sat in between Hermione and Ron. As I stared in to space, Ron and his brothers looked concerned. Hermione looked over at me then decided that she would take it upon her to place food on my plate. As she placed some toast. She didn't take her eyes of me in till see saw that I ate something. I took a bite of the toast, as I chewed it and spat it out in a napkin, this actually seemed like a good idea, why hadn't I thought of this before. Hermione soon turned away to talk to Neville about the transfiguration essay, that was due tomorrow. Neville soon decided that he understood it now and anyway Hermione agreed to help him anyway, So Neville decided that he would tell her about his most recent plant he got, and other plant related stuff that he already told me and Ron, well he probably did I normally zoned out when this happened. I decided to pull out my wand, making sure to keep it under the table, well as near as I could I had to make sure I could cast the spell properly. He muttered "Evanesco" in tried to make it quite enough so no one would hear him, as the food disappeared from his plate. Ron looked over and noticed what he was doing. Ron already knew he saw the other day in the hospital wing. As I looked up to see another pair of eyes staring over at me from the Slytherin table, it was Malfoy, it didn't look like he noticed as he looked rather happy and gave a small smile as he took a bite from his apple. The only reason he probably cared was to make him feel less guilty for what he said. Hermione then looked over as we all decided to head down to class, we had Herbology next, Neville aways made sure he got there on time, we started to make are way down to the greenhouse. "How you feeling Harry?" Neville asked. I realised we hadn't spoken since before I was in the hospital wing. "Good, yeah, how you doing?" I asked, hoping that there would be no more questions. "Good, Why were you at the hospital wing?" Why did he have to ask that. "Umm...." quick think. "Quidditch" Ron said as Hermione looked as if he was about to kill him. Well at least it solves that one. "Yeah that" I added although I probably could of made it sound a whole lot more believable, well it wasn't exactly a lie, I mean it was kind of is true. "Ok" Neville said not looking convinced. 

In was soon lunch, great now I have to deal with Hermione all over agin. We sat down, I made sure not to sit next to Hermione, so I sat in between Ron and Neville. As Hermione looked over noticing that there wasn't anything on my plate. "Harry" she said staring over. The twins who were sat the other side of the table looked over, knowing what was going on, well I think they do anyway, and then Neville probably just putting everything together. I place a small amount of food on my plate, as I pick up my fork and place the food in my mouth before spitting it out into a napkin. As soon as everyone goes off and stops paying attention, I vanish the remaining food on my plate. As I realise that Neville clearly saw what I was doing, he has probably worked out what was going on by now, great. Lucky I was saved by wood wanting us to head down to practice. Soon we finished practice and head to lessons, nothing really exciting happened, after that it was quidditch same as normally, but wood was complaining that I wasn't there yesterday, but that wasn't really my fault, I didn't decided to be in the hospital wing. Practice soon came to an end. But I decided that I wanted to stay and practice some more. "Harry, we are going to go get some food. You coming?" Ron said, I knew how this ended this morning so I decided that I would just go and not be dragged by my arm. "I was going to practice" Hermione stared to look as if she was about to kill someone for about the third or forth time today. "But I guess I'll come." As we headed up to the great hall. I sat in between Neville and Ron again. Placed some food on my plate cut it up and pushed it around a bit, and then chewed it and spat it out in a napkin, then vanishing it, I seemed to be getting pretty good at this, I should have just done this at the start. After eating, I decided we head up to gryffindor's common room, as I began my transfiguration essay, the common room slowly began to empty, soon it was just me, Hermione, Ron and Neville. "I'm gonna go to bed" Hermione yawned.   
"Yeah, me to" Ron said, as if he had been looking for a reason to stop studying.   
"I'm gonna stay, and just finish this quickly." I said as I was trying to catch up the lessons I missed.  
"Yeah, im gonna stay down to." Neville said "night"  
"Night, don't stay up to late, you two." Hermione said.   
"We won't. Night Hermione." Ron and Hermione headed up to there dorms. Silence remained between me and Neville for a while, in till Neville decided to break it. "Why were you actually at the hospital wing? Actually no I'm quite sure I know why, would you like to explain what I saw at lunch and dinner today." Why didn't I see this coming I'm so stupid. "I don't understand what you are talking about."   
"You know exactly what I'm taking about, your not eating it obvious, you are well to skinny. I didn't need to see what happened earlier to tell."   
"Why would I do that?"  
"I don't know why don't you tell me?"  
"I'm not staving myself, I'm just not that hungry at the moment. It not a big deal."  
"So you are able to eat and won't care about calories or anything like that."  
"Yeah, i just don't have much of an appetite at the moment, it's fine." Why dose he have to be as bad as Hermione.  
"Okay then" finally he believes me, no wait why'd he looking for something in his pocket. He pulled out a small packet of jelly slugs. "Eat some of these" he said as he walked over and sat there passing me the bag.  
"I'm not hungry, thanks."   
"You haven't eaten anything all day,eat." I tried to walk away, but he grabbed me by my arm and forced me to sit back down. "Either eat it or I tell Hermione what I saw earlier, and I'm quite sure Ron knows something as well that he would love to tell Hermione."  
"Fine" I said as I picked up the bag, as Neville let go of my arm. And I placed one in my mouth, I felt the sugar swim round my mouth coating the back of my throat as I chewed. I only had one. I passed the bag back. "There happy now."   
"Yes, anyway I'm heading to bed sorry about that, I had to make sure you are ok." He said finally seeming more like Neville. "You coming" I decided that I would head to the bathroom, as I knew I had to get rid of the discussing mess that still laid in my stomach. "I'll be up in a minute, just going to finish this chapter."   
"Ok, night" he said as he disappeared up the stairs. 

*** purging triger warning, read at own risk ****

Soon as Neville left I quickly went to the bathroom, as I feel to my knees by the toilet placing my two fingers down my throat, as I coughed. Why isn't it working, come on. As I shoved my fingers down my throat, as I quickly remove them, followed by the jelly slug I ate earlier and stomach acid. The back of my throat began to burn. As I stood up feeling slightly dizzy, and headed up stairs. 

** triger warning over**

I headed into the dorm and got changed into my pyjamas, I didn't feel tired, well not sleep tired, but no energy tired so I decided just to lay there as I stared at the ceiling, today had been like hell I hope tomorrow is a little better. 

Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed, it slightly longer than normal, do you prefer sorter chapters or longer or in between. Sorry that it kind of late as well, I've had a small bit of writers block today. And have had a lot of stuff to sort out, but anyway I know this chapter is slightly dark, but I'm trying not to make it to dark as I'm not sure you guys would be okay with that but if you are by all means I can make it a little darker , but if there's anything you would like me to include anywhere I'll try my best to add it in, also depending on how the issue I'm trying to sort out at the moment might mean that I won't update, well I'll update a Little late so sorry about that but anyway leave your feedback in the comments and have a great day.   
~ bay xx


	18. Chapter 18

* there will be some other mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety and probably self harm and abuse read at your own risk, I will also include skip thoughts for more in detailed stuff*

Harry pov  
A couple weeks had passed, Hermione still worried, I kinda wish she would back off a bit. It not like it's her life. But yet agin most people are worried about me. As I have some sort of 'problem'. Even wood seems to be slightly worried, not that much he worried that I'm casing the team more problems that good. But if everyone stopped worrying then maybe I wouldn't distract the team so much. Its practically morning so I decided that I should probably get ready for quidditch.

When I was read I headed down to the common room. I was the only person awake, so I decided to sit down and wait for the others to come down. After about 5 minutes wood seemed to running in to most dorms waking everyone up. After he came down from the third year door, he went to head up to the second years dorm, but then turned and noticed that I was already up and waiting for the other to come. "Good morning, how long have you been up for?" Wood ask as he started to look slightly concerned.  
"Not that long."  
"Look Harry, the whole team is concerned and it's now starting to distract practice, and I'm not only worried about the team. But I'm worried about you. What's going on, you look practically dead."  
"Nothing, I'm fine." Why is he so concerned, can't everyone just leave me alone.  
"Ok, if you say so. Make sure you have something to eat. Also, don't worry about us losing quidditch last year, forces on winning this year, and if we have a passed out seeker agin, we won't have much chance of winning."  
"Yeah, ok" he did have a slight point there with the last part, but why was he now try to force me to eat. What happened to lighter the player, the faster they go. 

Soon everyone else finally got up, and we head down to the pitch. It was starting to get cold, it was almost Christmas break. The grass was froze over. The birds began to sing. It was due to snow soon. So this might be one of the last quidditch practice before winter break. 

We got to the quidditch pitch, after a quick pep talk with wood about are up coming match against Ravenclaw we headed out the changing room and on to the pitch. As I set of from the ground, and soon headed up to the sky. I could see the castle, coved in frost with icicles hanging from the roof. The forbidden forest was no longer green, there was leaves covering the floor most of the tree and bushes were now bare branches. It always seemed weird that they shredded their leaves in winter, when it was most coldest, it wold make sense for them to get rid of their leaves in spring, when it was getting warmer. I know most trees don't have feeling, but they need warmth, for some kind of process, I can't remember what it was called but I learnt about it when I went muggle school. 

"Harry, you ready to start practice yet?" Wood shouted as I was brought out of my thoughts and soon returned back to the real world, it was freezing out here, I know that I've been cold quite a lot recently butting was much colder than normal. Soon I saw the snitch began to fly around the pitch, it was like a star running around. Soon I caught the snitch, as I headed back down to the ground, to see wood as he stopped the timer. "How long did it take."   
"Let's just say not your best but you seem out of it today."  
"Sorry, I got distracted by the view."  
"Ok, you can continue doing some practice if you want but if you need a break then do so." This seemed so out of character for wood, he normal only cared about quidditch. Not the actual people who played on the team. "Yeah, want to continue to practice some more." As I grabbed my broom but it felt as if someone was holding on to it, I looked over to see wood holding on to it. "Sure your okay?" Wood asked, now this was getting to weirded, this must be a dream. "Yeah, I'm fine. Can I continue practicing now." I said this well practically shouted it not releasing the frustration in my voice as most people are to forced to notice what is going but of corse Fred and George noticed what was going on and came down to get a better understanding of what was going on. "I'm so sorry." Fred said as he looked towards wood, as wood looked confused and mostly concerned on what the twins had done, I mean I was as well. "I completely forgot my position book and I have double positions first, and I don't want to lose gryffindor any points, can I go get it?" Wood looked slightly annoyed "yeah sure, make sure you don't forget it next time see you lot at breakfast, Harry go with them to make sure they don't cause any trouble and lose gryffindor anymore points." I looked over at them as one grabbed my right arm and went to pull me away from the pitch, but I wanted to stay, to practice some more. "Can't I stay and-" I tried to say as I was cut off by wood. "You lot better hurry up, also no practice at lunch or this evening, I have a position essay to finish, and I'm quite sure you can all do with some extra time to study." Completely ignoring what I had said. I soon got into my ropes and head up towards the Gryffindor Common Room. As we entered I decided that I was going to stay in the common room and wait for the twins to get the book. Soon the twins come back down. And decided to wait in the common room in till breakfast which was in about 20 minutes, so there was no point of going back to quidditch. Soon Hermione Ron and Neville came down to go get breakfast, noticing that we were sat there, clearly surprised to see us. "Good morning, we thought we would have to come get you." Hermione said looking rather pleased to see them. "Yeah, I forgot my position book." Fred said as he looked over to Hermione. "Anyway do you want to go get breakfast." They all nodded. As I looked over. I really didn't want to go breakfast, but if I said anything I would probably end up in the hospital wing, agin. So we headed out the common room and down to the great hall.

*Wood's POV*  
We soon finished practice and headed up towards the great hall, I told the other that there was no more practice today. As we got in there I decided to sit near the twins, who were sat opposite Harry, I was actually really concerned about him, he was getting so thin, he was practically dead. I thought it was because he wasn't eating, but clearly he was. I looked over to the twins as they looked concerned as well, but it didn't make sense he ate normally. I looked over agin, and soon everything made sense. I saw him put his wand slightly above the table, trying not to be to obvious about what he was doing, as he muttered something under his breath and the food disappeared. I looked back over to see that they still were slightly concerned, but didn't act like anything different to normal happened. I made a mental note to talk to them later, and get them to talk to Harry about this. Breakfast then ended and it was time to head off to lessons. 

Soon it was lunch, I headed down to the great hall and decided to sit next to the twins agin, who were, yet agin sitting opposite Harry. Harry was sat in between Neville and Ron. "Fred, George." I whispered to make sure no one else can hear. "We need to talk, in private, after lunch" they both nodded. As I continued to eat lunch. 

Soon lunch was over, we had a short time before lessons so we could go outside or that. I walked into a unused class room. I cased a silencing charm over. "What do you want to talk about?" George asked.  
"It's about Harry, I'm concerned about him." I said   
"What do you mean what happened at lunch and breakfast, yeah he does that every meal time." Fred said  
"Yeah, he also spits the food he 'eats' into a napkin. He been doing that since he got out of the hospital wing." George added.  
"Why did he go to the hospital wing?" I asked   
"Hermione dragged him as he wasn't eating." Fred said "also he used the vanishing spell in the hospital wing, Ron walked in on him doing it." At this point I didn't know what to say it could have been going on for ages, I even supported it at times, I should have known there was a problem. " Fred. George. Can I get you to talk to Harry, see if you can talk some sense into him or at least find out what is exactly going on." I know they probably have tried before but I just want to make sure they do try to do so agin.  
"We can try." Fred said as George nodded in agreement. 

*** Fred's POV***   
Lessons came to an end, and it was after dinner, we headed back to are common and found Harry with Hermione and Ron on the sofa, studying. "Hey, Harry can we talk to you?" I asked. As he nodded and I grabbed his left arm lightly and began to pull him up to are dorm but I noticed he flinched, as I wounded what happened to cause him to flinch. We told the others that we needed them not to come into the dorm till a little later as we need to talk to Harry about something. They didn't ask any questions as practically the whole of gryffindor has been worried about Harry recently. As we entered casting a locking charm on the dorm, and a silencing charm on the room. "So Harry, what's going on?" George asked.  
"Nothing, I'm fine."  
"Now the truth" George said as Harry began to head towards the door, relishing it was locked. He pulled his wand out as I grabbed mine and used a disarming charm and acioed his wand. "Gary we know there's something wrong, you need to eat something, don't act like none of us can see what you are doing?" I said as I grabbed his left arm, he flicked yet agin as I pulled him towards a bed and told him to sit down. "So Harry you going to explain why you are not eating." I asked hoping that we would get some kind of real answer, although I expected that he would give some stupid answer that no one believes. "I don't know what your talking about." He said. As George pulled out a chocolate frog. "Eat this then, it can't do much harm. Ron said these were your favourite in fist year." As he threw it over to Harry. Harry looked at the packet. As me and George both kept are eyes on Harry knowing he had no wand so he couldn't use a vanishing charm. The only way he could get rid of it was either eating it which we were hoping he did or hiding it and we would all realise. "I'm not hungry" Harry mumbled, as his stomach growled.  
"Seems like it" I said as I rolled my eyes. "Your not leaving in till you eat it." Harry finally started to open the packaging and taking a bite, as he clearly hadn't had any food in ages as he slightly chocked as he swallowed it. He looked up at us clearly hoping that we would let him leave, but as decided we wouldn't let him leave in till he finished it. Even if Harry wasn't internally in on this idea and would much rather leave. After about another few minute he took another bite.

After about an hour although it felt like forever he finally finished eating the chocolate frog. But before he left I decided that there was one more thing I wanted an answer about. "Harry" I said already knowing how weirded and stupid my demand was going to be. "Show We your arm" Harry's face turned from annoyed to complete worry in a split second. As he shook his head. "Harry!" I said. Harry rolled his right sleeve up to revile bruises all up his arm. They couldn't have been from the Dursleys as he hadn't been there in months, it was obvious he was suffering a lack of iron and therefore he would get bruised easily. But I remembered earlier when is right arm was grabbed he didn't flinch, but when I grabbed his left arm he flinched. "Show me the other arm." I said as he shook his head and put his arm behind his back. I decided that we had to see what he was hiding, so I grabbed his arm and pulled up the sleeve, I could hardly believe what I had seen. His arm was coved in bruises, burns and cuts well scars of cuts that lined across up to his shoulder, the cut scars only lined the back of his arm, and clearly wasn't his own doing, probably the Dursleys doing, but the burns were clearly his own doing. "Why?" I said looking at Harry in the eyes as everyone in the room clearly had a tear falling from their eyes. "I don't want to talk about it. And the cuts and bruises are not my doing" he said as this clearly confirmed my theory. I was uncertain on what to say as I looked over at Harry wondering how long this had been going on for. As I decided that we probably have tormented him enough for tonight and probably should let him return back to the common room. But I had a couple more things to say to him before he went. "Harry, please don't do that agin, make sure you eat something as well tomorrow, we are here if you ever want to talk." I said as George nodded in agreement. Harry looked as if he saw a ghost at this point, all I wanted to do was take him to the hospital wing, but I knew that wouldn't help anything. "Don't tell Hermione please, whatever you do don't tell her." Harry begged. We already knew it was a bad idea to tell Hermione but we probably should tell Ron as he would be able to look out for Harry and wouldn't over react. "We won't, is it ok if we tell Ron just to keep an eye on you, we won't tell him more than he needs to know." Harry nodded at this as I decided that we should probably let him go back down as it been nearly 2 hours. So I took off both charms and allowed him to go. "Can I have my wand back" he asked in a whisper. "I'll give it to you tomorrow after breakfast, night" at this point Harry quickly rushed out and headed to the common room. I looked across to George wondering how much we should tell wood tomorrow. "What do you think we should tell wood?" George asked as he looked across at me. "As little as possible." I said as the others came into the dorm, I didn't even realise how dark it was outside."

Hey guys   
Hope you enjoyed. Umm that went very different from how I was expecting it to but there will be some more happy scenes coming up soon, I'm very excited for one I know that's gonna happen but I'm not gonna ruin the surprise for you . Anyway remember that you are loved and if you ever want to talk about something, even if isn't anything to do with this you can aways message me, this is a safe space. But anyway I tried to make it longer, but I'm not sure if I dragged it out to much so tell me what you thought. Anyway have a nice day  
~bay xx


	19. Chapter 19

**Fred PoV ***  
I looked around as I heard wood knocking on the door and telling us to get up, it looked as if it was only like 4:30 in the morning he normally didn't wake us in till 5 or 5:30 which was kinda wired. "Hurry up you two I need to talk to you before the others are up." I quickly remembered what he needed to talk to me and George about as we quickly got ready and headed down the stairs towards the common room. 

"So, what did you guys find out?" Wood asked looking extremely concerned about Harry's wellbeing.  
"Umm, a lot." George started. "I'm not really sure where to start."  
"Okay, well why don't you go over the basic problems which I can help to solve?" Wood said seeming uncertain on what to ask knowing how big the problem is and uncertain on where it started.   
"Well as you know he's barely been eating anything. Well, I mean nothing. But after kinda locking him in a room and forcing a chocolate frog down his throat, we managed to get him to eat something." George said as he looked over to me than wood.  
"So how are we going to help him?" Wood asked as he looked over at the both of us.   
"Well I've got his wand at the moment so he can't use that and I don't plan on giving it back to him till after breakfast," I said as I pulled his wand out of my pocket.   
"Yeah, that will work for the short time but what about soon as we give him the wand back?" Wood asked looking more concerned than a few minutes ago.  
"Well, Ummm...... We haven't really got that far." I muttered relishing how many problems we actually have to deal with here.  
"We said we would get Ron to keep an eye on him," George added on.   
"Don't you think we should get Hermione to as well, I mean Ron would keep an eye on him but he would also keep some stuff secret."  
"True, but he said that he didn't want Hermione knowing as she would probably drag him to the hospital wing," George mumbled the last bit knowing this was the best idea they have.  
"Okay, if we get Hermione not to tell him we told her then it may work."  
"Okay, do you want to tell her now I could go grab her," I said wanting to make sure Harry wouldn't find out.   
"Yeah, but try not to wale everyone up George go with him." Wood said as we quickly rushed up the stairs to the third-year girl's dorms. 

As we both got to the door I knocked and waited for an answer. "What do you want?" Was shouted by a voice which seemed to belong to Lavanda Brown.   
"We need to talk to Hermione about Ummm... homework," I said quickly trying to come up with an excuse. 

After Lavanda woke Hermione up and we headed down to the common room, it was clear that she knew something else was going on. "So why did you decided that 5 in the morning was the best time to talk to me?" She asked slightly annoyed but mostly concerned.   
"We wanted to talk about Harry," I said as the slightly annoyed part of Hermione faded away. 

*** George PoV***  
"We wanted to talk about Harry," Fred said as concern filled the rest of her face.   
"Why, what's happened?" She practically screamed at this point, but still trying not to wake anyone else up.   
"If we tell you you can't tell anyone, including Harry that you know," I said as she nodded her head and I waited for Fred to begin explaining as I and wood sat quietly in the back. "Well as you know Harry hasn't really been eating, well he actually hasn't been eating at all. He been chewing it and spitting it in a napkin and using a vanishing spell to hide the fact he hasn't been eating. Also he self-harm." After Fred barely finished Hermione jumped out of her chair and started to walk up the stairs before Fred shouted "Hermione, remember what we agreed. Come back and let us finish." At this point, she comes back down the stairs and sat down. As Fred began to speak again. "last night we decided to talk to him, we'll basically we locked him in our room, but we managed to get him to eat a chocolate frog and we took his wand so he wouldn't be able to do anything stupid, well we took it when he tried to get out of the room the first time. So he won't be able to vanish his food at breakfast." as soon as Fred finished speaking Hermione jumped up and whispered/yelled "I'm taking him to the hospital wing"   
"Hermione wait, give him till tomorrow or this evening at least." I quickly shout as she turned around and walked down the starts and sighed as she mumbled "this evening" as we all nodded and Hermione headed back towards her common room and wood went and the others up, including Harry. As we all headed down to the Quidditch pitch and began practice. Harry looked evacuated to the point he looked sick, he was to thin way to thin. He looked as if he barely weighed 70 pounds as he flew around on his broom. There wasn't much time for practice today as we had been talking to Wood in till like 5:30. Soon wood called the practice to an end and said that would be all for today as we headed to the changing rooms and got ready to go to breakfast, I and Fred were soon approached by Harry. "Hey, can I have my wand back now?" he asked as I looked over to Fred.   
"After breakfast," Fred said as Harry began to look even more disappointed. As we headed up to the great hall and we all sat down Harry in between Ron and Hermione as me and Fred at opposite as I looked over to see Barry's plate empty as he stares down at the floor avoiding eye contact. As I look over to Hermione as she gets the hint that he not eating anything as she decided to place some food on to his plate. As he just pushes the food around for a bit and then takes a few bites. Hermione looks over seeming extremely anxious about how much Harry has been eating recently. As breakfast soon finished and Fred pulls Harry into an empty classroom and locks the door. "Harry you need to eat more," Fred said as Harry stared down at the floor.  
"Harry, your way to thin. Have you looked at yourself, you look dead." I added to Fred's statement.   
"look can I just have my wand so I can go to class." as we both looked over concerned as Fred slowly handed Harry his wand as Harry quickly left the room and headed up the corridor. "So what are we going to do the clearly needs help?" I say as I look over at Fred.  
"well, I thought maybe see how he does at lunch and dinner and go from there," Fred mumble as his face filled with concern.   
"Okay," I said as we both headed off to lessons. 

Soon it was lunch and we headed down to the great hall to see that Hermione and Harry both were not there, but as if by cue Hermione cane in with Harry looking rather disappointed. As they both sat down. Harry stared at the floor for a few moments as Hermione started to place food on his plate as he continued with his napkin 'trick'. And soon after that lunch was over and everyone headed off to lessons.

*****Hermione pov*****  
Lunch was soon over and Harry still wasn't eating. We headed off to Herbology. Soon classes were over and it was now dinner. As we sat down I placed some food on his plate that he completely ignores. As we soon left the great hall and headed up to the library. As we sat down and began to study, I decided I would talk to the twins then take him to the hospital wing tomorrow.

Soon it began to get late and the library was almost empty. As we decided to head up to the Gryffindor common room. As Ron and I stood up and went to put our books in our bags. Harry went to get up but fainted before he managed to. As me and Ron turned around and tried to get Harry to wake up but that was no use. So we picked him up and carried him to the hospital wing as we placed him down on a bed. This was one of the rare occasions where the hospital wing was completely empty. As Madame Pomfrey quickly rushed through. "what happened?" she quickly asked as she noticed how thin Harry was. "He fainted." I said as she could clearly work out why. "He hasn't been eating agin, he's been trying to hide it from everyone." I said telling her everything I know. As she quickly rushed to the cupboard and grabbed some potions as Harry woke up with a jolt. "Care to explain why you are back here agin" Madame Pomfrey asked with a stern voice. As Harry looked towards the ground trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. "Harry, you are way to thin." Madame Pomfrey added to her last statement. "Anyway drink the potions and then get some rest." She said to Harry as he drank the potions and laid down in his bed. "You two, can I talk to you in my office please" she said as we both headed to her office as she cased a silencing charm around the room. "Can you tell me everything you know about what's been going on?" She said as she looked over at the both of us as I began to talk "Well, he hasn't been eating and he also been self harming. When ever it's a meal time he aways chews and spits his food into a napkin and also uses a vanishing spell when he thinks no ones looking." As her face began to fill with concern. "Okay thank You, you can come visit him tomorrow but for now he needs to rest." She said as we both nodded and then headed to the common room. 

****** Ron's pov *******  
As we walked into the Gryffindor common room I decided that I was going to stay at Hogwarts with Harry. So I went and got some parchment and wrote a letter to my mum.

To mum  
I have decided to stay at Hogwarts with Harry over Christmas break to keep him company. So I will not be coming to the borrow. I hope you still have a great time. I will see you either at Easter or summer.   
Ron

I finished writing and headed off and stole Percy owl and sent the letter off and headed up to bed. Me and Hermione barely spoke a word to one and other since leaving the hospital wing. As I laid awake I decided I would tell Ginny and the twins tomorrow that I won't be going to the Burrow for Christmas. As I closed my eyes and went to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**Fred PoV ***  
I looked around as I heard wood knocking on the door and telling us to get up, it looked as if it was only like 4:30 in the morning he normally didn't wake us in till 5 or 5:30 which was kinda wired. "Hurry up you two I need to talk to you before the others are up." I quickly remembered what he needed to talk to me and George about as we quickly got ready and headed down the stairs towards the common room. 

"So, what did you guys find out?" Wood asked looking extremely concerned about Harry's wellbeing.  
"Umm, a lot." George started. "I'm not really sure where to start."  
"Okay, well why don't you go over the basic problems which I can help to solve?" Wood said seeming uncertain on what to ask knowing how big the problem is and uncertain on where it started.   
"Well as you know he's barely been eating anything. Well, I mean nothing. But after kinda locking him in a room and forcing a chocolate frog down his throat, we managed to get him to eat something." George said as he looked over to me than wood.  
"So how are we going to help him?" Wood asked as he looked over at the both of us.   
"Well I've got his wand at the moment so he can't use that and I don't plan on giving it back to him till after breakfast," I said as I pulled his wand out of my pocket.   
"Yeah, that will work for the short time but what about soon as we give him the wand back?" Wood asked looking more concerned than a few minutes ago.  
"Well, Ummm...... We haven't really got that far." I muttered relishing how many problems we actually have to deal with here.  
"We said we would get Ron to keep an eye on him," George added on.   
"Don't you think we should get Hermione to as well, I mean Ron would keep an eye on him but he would also keep some stuff secret."  
"True, but he said that he didn't want Hermione knowing as she would probably drag him to the hospital wing," George mumbled the last bit knowing this was the best idea they have.  
"Okay, if we get Hermione not to tell him we told her then it may work."  
"Okay, do you want to tell her now I could go grab her," I said wanting to make sure Harry wouldn't find out.   
"Yeah, but try not to wale everyone up George go with him." Wood said as we quickly rushed up the stairs to the third-year girl's dorms. 

As we both got to the door I knocked and waited for an answer. "What do you want?" Was shouted by a voice which seemed to belong to Lavanda Brown.   
"We need to talk to Hermione about Ummm... homework," I said quickly trying to come up with an excuse. 

After Lavanda woke Hermione up and we headed down to the common room, it was clear that she knew something else was going on. "So why did you decided that 5 in the morning was the best time to talk to me?" She asked slightly annoyed but mostly concerned.   
"We wanted to talk about Harry," I said as the slightly annoyed part of Hermione faded away. 

*** George PoV***  
"We wanted to talk about Harry," Fred said as concern filled the rest of her face.   
"Why, what's happened?" She practically screamed at this point, but still trying not to wake anyone else up.   
"If we tell you you can't tell anyone, including Harry that you know," I said as she nodded her head and I waited for Fred to begin explaining as I and wood sat quietly in the back. "Well as you know Harry hasn't really been eating, well he actually hasn't been eating at all. He been chewing it and spitting it in a napkin and using a vanishing spell to hide the fact he hasn't been eating. Also he self-harm." After Fred barely finished Hermione jumped out of her chair and started to walk up the stairs before Fred shouted "Hermione, remember what we agreed. Come back and let us finish." At this point, she comes back down the stairs and sat down. As Fred began to speak again. "last night we decided to talk to him, we'll basically we locked him in our room, but we managed to get him to eat a chocolate frog and we took his wand so he wouldn't be able to do anything stupid, well we took it when he tried to get out of the room the first time. So he won't be able to vanish his food at breakfast." as soon as Fred finished speaking Hermione jumped up and whispered/yelled "I'm taking him to the hospital wing"   
"Hermione wait, give him till tomorrow or this evening at least." I quickly shout as she turned around and walked down the starts and sighed as she mumbled "this evening" as we all nodded and Hermione headed back towards her common room and wood went and the others up, including Harry. As we all headed down to the Quidditch pitch and began practice. Harry looked evacuated to the point he looked sick, he was to thin way to thin. He looked as if he barely weighed 70 pounds as he flew around on his broom. There wasn't much time for practice today as we had been talking to Wood in till like 5:30. Soon wood called the practice to an end and said that would be all for today as we headed to the changing rooms and got ready to go to breakfast, I and Fred were soon approached by Harry. "Hey, can I have my wand back now?" he asked as I looked over to Fred.   
"After breakfast," Fred said as Harry began to look even more disappointed. As we headed up to the great hall and we all sat down Harry in between Ron and Hermione as me and Fred at opposite as I looked over to see Barry's plate empty as he stares down at the floor avoiding eye contact. As I look over to Hermione as she gets the hint that he not eating anything as she decided to place some food on to his plate. As he just pushes the food around for a bit and then takes a few bites. Hermione looks over seeming extremely anxious about how much Harry has been eating recently. As breakfast soon finished and Fred pulls Harry into an empty classroom and locks the door. "Harry you need to eat more," Fred said as Harry stared down at the floor.  
"Harry, your way to thin. Have you looked at yourself, you look dead." I added to Fred's statement.   
"look can I just have my wand so I can go to class." as we both looked over concerned as Fred slowly handed Harry his wand as Harry quickly left the room and headed up the corridor. "So what are we going to do the clearly needs help?" I say as I look over at Fred.  
"well, I thought maybe see how he does at lunch and dinner and go from there," Fred mumble as his face filled with concern.   
"Okay," I said as we both headed off to lessons. 

Soon it was lunch and we headed down to the great hall to see that Hermione and Harry both were not there, but as if by cue Hermione cane in with Harry looking rather disappointed. As they both sat down. Harry stared at the floor for a few moments as Hermione started to place food on his plate as he continued with his napkin 'trick'. And soon after that lunch was over and everyone headed off to lessons.

*****Hermione pov*****  
Lunch was soon over and Harry still wasn't eating. We headed off to Herbology. Soon classes were over and it was now dinner. As we sat down I placed some food on his plate that he completely ignores. As we soon left the great hall and headed up to the library. As we sat down and began to study, I decided I would talk to the twins then take him to the hospital wing tomorrow.

Soon it began to get late and the library was almost empty. As we decided to head up to the Gryffindor common room. As Ron and I stood up and went to put our books in our bags. Harry went to get up but fainted before he managed to. As me and Ron turned around and tried to get Harry to wake up but that was no use. So we picked him up and carried him to the hospital wing as we placed him down on a bed. This was one of the rare occasions where the hospital wing was completely empty. As Madame Pomfrey quickly rushed through. "what happened?" she quickly asked as she noticed how thin Harry was. "He fainted." I said as she could clearly work out why. "He hasn't been eating agin, he's been trying to hide it from everyone." I said telling her everything I know. As she quickly rushed to the cupboard and grabbed some potions as Harry woke up with a jolt. "Care to explain why you are back here agin" Madame Pomfrey asked with a stern voice. As Harry looked towards the ground trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. "Harry, you are way to thin." Madame Pomfrey added to her last statement. "Anyway drink the potions and then get some rest." She said to Harry as he drank the potions and laid down in his bed. "You two, can I talk to you in my office please" she said as we both headed to her office as she cased a silencing charm around the room. "Can you tell me everything you know about what's been going on?" She said as she looked over at the both of us as I began to talk "Well, he hasn't been eating and he also been self harming. When ever it's a meal time he aways chews and spits his food into a napkin and also uses a vanishing spell when he thinks no ones looking." As her face began to fill with concern. "Okay thank You, you can come visit him tomorrow but for now he needs to rest." She said as we both nodded and then headed to the common room. 

****** Ron's pov *******  
As we walked into the Gryffindor common room I decided that I was going to stay at Hogwarts with Harry. So I went and got some parchment and wrote a letter to my mum.

To mum  
I have decided to stay at Hogwarts with Harry over Christmas break to keep him company. So I will not be coming to the borrow. I hope you still have a great time. I will see you either at Easter or summer.   
Ron

I finished writing and headed off and stole Percy owl and sent the letter off and headed up to bed. Me and Hermione barely spoke a word to one and other since leaving the hospital wing. As I laid awake I decided I would tell Ginny and the twins tomorrow that I won't be going to the Burrow for Christmas. As I closed my eyes and went to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

******harry pov********  
It seemed to be morning now, I felt dizzy, I felt sick. The last thing I remember was being in the library. But now I was in the hospital wing. what happened? I looked around to see Ron sat there, by himself. I muttered the only words that I could think of at that moment "what happened?" I asked as Ron shot he clearly didn't realize that I was awake.   
"you are in the hospital wing you passed out." he replied looking extremely concerned. "anyway, you need to eat breakfast," he said as he glanced over to a tray placed on the table beside his bed. I knew I couldn't eat, I just couldn't.  
"Oh, Umm I'm not hungry," I said hoping Ron would be okay with that, it wasn't like he was Hermione otherwise he probably would have it forced down his throat.  
"Harry, you do know you fainted from not eating, your lucky your not dead. At least eat something." He pleaded. I decided I couldn't be bothered to argue it felt as if everything was spinning, why did I have to get up so fast, I wouldn't have fainted if I got up a little slower. I looked over at the plate. Trying to decide what had the least amount of calories in. I decided to have an apple they were quite low in calories, as I took a bite the flavour-filled my mouth. It was quite weird eating twice in the same week. I soon fished eating the apple, I picked up the plate and placed it on the table beside me. I looked over at Ron who's face still showed as much concern as Hermione. As we stated at each other then I started at the ground. It was soon interrupted by Madame Pomfrey coming in with more potions as she passed me a cup filled with potions. I decided that I should probably drink them before I get them forced down my throat, I dread to think about how many calories are in all of if combined, probably about 200 well actually 300. I quickly drank the potions as I waited to be told what caused me to pass out. I mean I already knew it was from not eating but I kinda hoped it would be something different. "So do you care to explain why you haven't been eating?" She asked concerned but with a very stubborn tone. I debated whether or not I should lie and say that I have.   
"I don't understand, I have eaten." I said as Ron who still sat in the corner rolled his eyes, but to be completely honest it wasn't much of a lie.   
"That is a lie you've barely eaten anything since last time you were here. Now care to explain why?" She said as I began to fidget with my sleeve I didn't really know why I did it, to be honest, I kinda forgot the reason that started it. Wait it was because of what Malfoy said. Well, to be honest, I kind of forgiven him now. I looked over and said the only other words that I could think of "I wasn't hungry." Which was true I haven't felt that hungry recently. "And all the bruises, cuts and burns on your arm what are they from?"  
"Quidditch"  
"Okay, so you're going to have to stay here for the next couple days or so." I just nodded my head, I'm now gonna be here for the whole of Christmas What fun. The rest of the day pasted, Ron and I played a few games of chess, he won each time. Whenever it was either breakfast, lunch or dinner, I would eat as little as possible but let's be honest it was still way too much. It was a couple of days later, I felt as if I have had gained loads of weight. Ron was still saying that I was too thin, I've received a letter from Hermione practically every day, also one from the twins to check I was alright. Soon it was night, the hospital wing was empty. Soon the door swung open, as Malfoy came in. I would have thought he would have gone back to the manor for Christmas but clearly, he hadn't. "Hello, how you doing?." He asked in the same voice that was filled with concern.  
"Fine. I thought you would have went back to the manor." I said hoping that he would explain why he didn't.  
"Well, it busy back there it well just nicer to stay at hogwarts, It's quite weird not seeing you at the astronomy tower."  
"It's annoying not being able to go" I said with a slight laugh.  
"So what happened, why are you here?" He asked  
"I passed out" I said looking down to the ground waiting for him to say to say something.  
"You know why you passed out, don't you? It because you've barley eaten in weeks." I just nodded my head, I knew there had to be some other cause, it wasn't because I haven't been eating but maybe if I keep taking nutrients potions and maybe turn a spell or two it may help.   
"Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other night in the astronomy tower. I was wondering well maybe, we could you know go on a date or something?" He said seeming unsure on how words worked as his pale cheeks filled with a bright red colour. I nodded my head, "yeah what about at the black lake soon as I get out of here." As he nodded, he stated and talked for a while in till the sun began to beam through the windows. The next few days pasted in was Christmas Eve when I was finally aloud to leave. Soon as I got to the dorm I grabbed some parchment and began to write a letter to Draco.   
Dear Draco  
Hi, I'm no longer in the hospital wing. I was wondering if you wanted to meet in the next couple days   
Harry  
I rolled the letter up and sent it to the slytherin's dorm. As I sat waiting for a replie. As an owl soon flew through the window as I quickly unrolled the parchment.  
dear Harry   
I would love to, I'll met you outside the gryffindor common room just after curfew  
Draco  
I smiled as I placed the parchment beside turned over and went to sleep tomorrow was Christmas. It was weird finally being back in my dorm as I closed my eyes and fell to sleep. 

****sorry it short I wanted to make the whole date scene the best it can be.


	22. Chapter 22

*******Draco pov*******  
I left the Slytherin common room just before curfew. Because I didn't want a bunch of Slytherins asking where I was going. I took the long route round so I wouldn't be seen by any Gryffindor coming back just before it's curfew. I wait around the corner for a while. I started to think that he wouldn't show up, but I mean it's Harry so he probably would just be late. He would also have to deal with Ron which would take a while. As my thoughts continue to flow around my head, bouncing backwards and forwards like a basketball, a small raven-haired boy walks around. In a black hoodie that hung on his thin body, his eyes sunk into his face. He was as pale as a ghost. I smiled as he walked around the corner.  
"Hey, how you doing?" I asked as I looked over towards him. I wanted to just enjoy this evening have some fun but of corse I was worried about him, he looked so sick.   
"Good , how are you?" He replied back to my original question.  
"Good, So what have you been up to?" I asked for well knowing he only got out of the hospital wing yesterday but I wanted to know what he had been up to since getting out.  
"Just played chess with Ron, what you been up to?"  
"Just been reading and answering some owls from Pansy, Blaise and my parents."   
"Okay" he replied as we began to walk down towards the black lake. It was much easier to talk than I thought it would be. We were just talking about quidditch and that, nothing exciting but it was much better than I thought it would be. 

We soon arrived at the black lake, the crescent moon shone over the water, causing it to sparkle. The stars were scattered across the sky in random patterns gleaming like diamonds. I looked over at Harry as I reached for his hand, it felt small and bony. You could here the wind blow in the tress it was calm. I began to fill a head slowly rest on my shoulder. As his eyes slowly faded shut. To be honest he was quite cute when he was sleeping. But he clearly callable of murder. I mean he's already killed one person and he determined to kill agin, but let's be honest most people would be if they were the reason their parents were dead. 

I stayed there for a while, not daring to move in fear of waking him up. As it started to become almost morning he began to open his eyes. If was like 3 am though and it began to become freezing outside. As his eyes met my gaze for a few moments as we both leaned towards each other, as are lips touched as he opens his mouth, as I explore and then I open mine and he explores. As we break apart for air and continue kissing each other. When we pulled apart again he whispered "So dose this mean we are boyfriends?" As I nodded and pulled him inwards agin. 

We soon decided to head back up towards the castle, I decided I would ask him who he had told, personally I wanted to tell Pansy. I mean she's been saying we should date since the quidditch match. "So, do you mind if I tell Pansy?"  
"Yeah sure, I kinda told the twins we kissed." He said as I nodded as we continued to joke about anything and everything. As we reached the castle and said goodbye to each other as I headed up to the slythrin dorms.

********harry pov**********  
I can't believe I kissed Draco agin, and he's officially my boyfriend, I probably shouldn't tell Ron. SHIT! I've been gone for at least 5 hours he wonder what took so long. Well at least it isn't Hermione otherwise she probably would kill me when I get back to the common room. I walked through the door to see Ron sat in the same place as I felt eating a bag of sweets.  
"What took so long?" He asked seeming slightly concerned.  
"Like I said, I just went for a walk." I said as I smiled and walked towards the stairs.  
"Long walk then, wasn't it?" He said still concerned but with more of a laugh to his voice   
"Yeah I lost track of time" I answered. It was kinda true.  
"Okay then, I'm going to bed, you probably should as well" He said as I nodded and followed him up to the dorm as I grabbed my clothes and headed to bed, and feel into a dreamless sleep.

I finally wrote the date, I'm now tired and I'm going to sleep. I'll try not to fall behind agin.


	23. Chapter 23

*******Draco pov*******  
I left the Slytherin common room just before curfew. Because I didn't want a bunch of Slytherins asking where I was going. I took the long route round so I wouldn't be seen by any Gryffindor coming back just before it's curfew. I wait around the corner for a while. I started to think that he wouldn't show up, but I mean it's Harry so he probably would just be late. He would also have to deal with Ron which would take a while. As my thoughts continue to flow around my head, bouncing backwards and forwards like a basketball, a small raven-haired boy walks around. In a black hoodie that hung on his thin body, his eyes sunk into his face. He was as pale as a ghost. I smiled as he walked around the corner.  
"Hey, how you doing?" I asked as I looked over towards him. I wanted to just enjoy this evening have some fun but of corse I was worried about him, he looked so sick.  
"Good , how are you?" He replied back to my original question.  
"Good, So what have you been up to?" I asked for well knowing he only got out of the hospital wing yesterday but I wanted to know what he had been up to since getting out.  
"Just played chess with Ron, what you been up to?"  
"Just been reading and answering some owls from Pansy, Blaise and my parents."  
"Okay" he replied as we began to walk down towards the black lake. It was much easier to talk than I thought it would be. We were just talking about quidditch and that, nothing exciting but it was much better than I thought it would be. 

We soon arrived at the black lake, the crescent moon shone over the water, causing it to sparkle. The stars were scattered across the sky in random patterns gleaming like diamonds. I looked over at Harry as I reached for his hand, it felt small and bony. You could here the wind blow in the tress it was calm. I began to fill a head slowly rest on my shoulder. As his eyes slowly faded shut. To be honest he was quite cute when he was sleeping. But he clearly callable of murder. I mean he's already killed one person and he determined to kill agin, but let's be honest most people would be if they were the reason their parents were dead. 

I stayed there for a while, not daring to move in fear of waking him up. As it started to become almost morning he began to open his eyes. If was like 3 am though and it began to become freezing outside. As his eyes met my gaze for a few moments as we both leaned towards each other, as are lips touched as he opens his mouth, as I explore and then I open mine and he explores. As we break apart for air and continue kissing each other. When we pulled apart again he whispered "So dose this mean we are boyfriends?" As I nodded and pulled him inwards agin. 

We soon decided to head back up towards the castle, I decided I would ask him who he had told, personally I wanted to tell Pansy. I mean she's been saying we should date since the quidditch match. "So, do you mind if I tell Pansy?"  
"Yeah sure, I kinda told the twins we kissed." He said as I nodded as we continued to joke about anything and everything. As we reached the castle and said goodbye to each other as I headed up to the slythrin dorms.

********harry pov**********  
I can't believe I kissed Draco agin, and he's officially my boyfriend, I probably shouldn't tell Ron. SHIT! I've been gone for at least 5 hours he wonder what took so long. Well at least it isn't Hermione otherwise she probably would kill me when I get back to the common room. I walked through the door to see Ron sat in the same place as I felt eating a bag of sweets.  
"What took so long?" He asked seeming slightly concerned.  
"Like I said, I just went for a walk." I said as I smiled and walked towards the stairs.  
"Long walk then, wasn't it?" He said still concerned but with more of a laugh to his voice  
"Yeah I lost track of time" I answered. It was kinda true.  
"Okay then, I'm going to bed, you probably should as well" He said as I nodded and followed him up to the dorm as I grabbed my clothes and headed to bed, and feel into a dreamless sleep.

I finally wrote the date, I'm now tired and I'm going to sleep. I'll try not to fall behind agin.


	24. Chapter 24

*****Ron POV****  
It was almost the end of the holidays, Harry is still barely eating, I mean he wasn't really eating in the hospital wing but it well worse now, he's always skipping breakfast but he is eating more than what he was before going to the hospital wing. Hermione would be back soon, which means she'll be able to get Harry to eat something. If it wasn't for Malfoy everything would be fine, he's such a git. He's the reason why my best friend is dying in front of me. I swear I will kill Malfoy. Anyway, not much has else has been going on, I've received owls from the twins, mum and Hermione. Oh, also one from Ginny. Anyway everyone was due back today. Harry's also been leaving the common room after curfew almost every night it's starting to make me wonder what he's doing. I thought about flowing him but that would be a bit extreme. Whenever I ask him where he is going he always says some useless answer, like he's not just going out for a walk as he can't sleep. Anyway, I've just gotten back from breakfast and Harry still hadn't left bed.

****Hermoine POV****  
I arrived at the platform about 30 minutes before the train left so I decided to go get a compartment as I sat down towards the back of the train, I was soon joint by Neville as we spoke about our Christmas. He went around his grandmothers like normal. I spent Christmas with my parents. I've been so excited to go back to Hogwarts though, I have missed all the adventures while at school. Also, there's been no sign of Voldemort this year. On that note, I wonder how Harry and Ron are doing. I mean they are probably doing fine, we'll Ron anyway. Harry on the other hand, probably isn't doing so well. Ron's been saying that he has been eating some more but still isn't really doing so great. Anyway, I will be back at Hogwarts soon and I will be able to see what has been going on. I kinda wish there was more I could do to help. If it doesn't start to get better I'm not really sure what to do after that. He probably shouldn't be doing Quidditch that's what has driven all of this. If he didn't try to stand up to Malfoy, he would have never been put on the team. Then Malfoy would have never said what he had said. Malfoys such a git at times, but he also did get me to take Harry to the hospital wing the first time. Anyway, we were soon joined by Ginny and luna and the twins. Neville was going on about the new plant he seemed to like plants a lot. He was starting to grow a small collection of them in his dorm. I mean it wasn't a problem. It actually did help make the room smell a little nicer to. Anyway, we were almost at Hogwarts so we headed off to go get changed.

Soon we were at Hogwarts, I would be able to go and see Ron and Harry. Students quickly headed towards the carriages as we got into a carriage and spoke about the upcoming term. Soon we arrived at Hogwarts. We all headed off to the Gryffindor common room. Well except luna and Ginny who went of and did their own thing.

We soon arrived in the Gryffindor common room where Ron was sat without Harry. As a look of concern and puzzlement fulfilled mine and the twin's faces.   
"Where's Harry?" Fred quickly asked.  
"In bed." Ron replied.  
"It like six in the evening" I said  
"Yep, He said he would come down at about eleven but he didn't come and when I asked him if he was coming down for lunch he said that he was tired." Ron said as he stood up and headed towards the third years dorm. 

****Neville pov****  
I decided to head up to the dorm to go sort my plants out. As I leave the others to talk to Ron and headed up towards the dorm. As I noticed that Harry still laid in bed even though it was already six.   
"Hey, Harry you do know that it's like six in the evening?" I asked wounding why he still hadn't bothered getting up. "Oh" he replied as the others came through the door. Hermione looking like she was in one of her rampages as I headed towards my bed in the corner. "Harry, you need to get up is almost dinner." Hermione said.   
"I'm not that hungry, to be honest I'm still tired." Harry replied as everyone braced themselves for Hermione, who was probably was about to yell at Harry and tell him how thin and sick he looked. But let's be honest he did look really sick. He needed help. He looked as if he was on the verge of dying. 

"Okay then," she said as everyone remained silent out of surprise about what she just said. "We bring you some food then." Now I see what she's doing. As she walked out followed by the others. "Harry, what's really going on?" I asked.  
"Nothing, I'm fine." He said as he smiled.   
"Okay then, we are all here if you ever want to talk." As he nodded and I headed off to the great hall.

****Harry POV****  
Soon they all returned back from the great hall, as I looked over as Hermione placed some food beside me. As I looked over and felt sick at the thought of eating any of that.   
"I'm n-" I began to say.  
"Well your gonna to eat either way." She said. As I stared over and picked up a piece of bread, I only ate half but that was well to much. As I placed it down hoping that would be enough. As I painted a smile on my face. As my head fell against a pillow.  
"Okay, I will see you at breakfast tomorrow." She said as she left the dorm. Me and the others all eventually got changed and headed to bed.


	25. Chapter 25

third person The sun began to rise to indicate that it was morning. well, there were no classes today so the whole of the dorm laid still sleeping. well, all sleeping except the boy with jet black hair, a scar crossing his forehead. He still laid there. He looked as if he had barely sleep in ages, his eyes popped out of his face as they sparkled green. it was already 9 am so he wasn't actually awake that early. But that wasn't the problem. the problem was that he hadn't slept more than a couple hours this week. consistently being woken up with nightmares.the ones that consistently played over his head again and again like a broken record, but this time showing the images of what happened. the past that he would do almost anything to forget. the past that he must never speak of to enough soul.no matter how horrific the nightmares get. Not even the smallest memory of what had happened for the years when he lived at the hell hold called four privet drive. the place where he was supposed to spend his summer. the place where he was supposed to be safe. the place where he was supposed to be happy. not barely living.practically dead. thinner than what he was before he entered. being used as their slave. being treated worse than a house-elf. the bruise, cuts and burns that were aways covered by jumpers and long sleeve shirts. the ones that no one ever noticed. the ones that were from 'Quidditch. just enough floor up, was a girl with frizzy brown hair, coving her back. an open book in her hand. the book in which she was reading, as she pondered on her thoughts. debating whether or not she should go and get the others for breakfast. the same person who she knew didn't wait to go down to breakfast, or any other meal for that matter. the same boy with the jet black hair and the hidden past trapped inside the prison in his head. this information never crossed Hermione's mind. not once. well not before the twin suggested the idea. as she continued to read her book but soon coming to the decision to go and get Ron and Harry. Hermione pov as I headed down towards the Harrys and Ron's dorm I nocked as Ron shouted to come in. there was only to. and Harry in the dorm. "you guys coming to breakfast I asked mostly looking over at Harry, already knowing Ron's answer. "I'm not that hungry. and to be honest I'm still tired." Harry said. as I and Ron both look over towards harry, we all know he's still sick but he won't even admit that he is sick. he keeps coming up with the excuses that he is not hungry and assumes that it would be enough to keep everyone from relishing that theirs a problem. even Malfoy realised that there is a problem. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole school didn't know at this stage. well everyone except Harry. "Harry, you probably should eat something." Ron said. "as I said, I'm not hungry and would much rather stay here." Harry said. "fine, we bring you some food back." I said as me and on both left the room before Harry was able to argue. we headed down towards the great hall where the other Gryffindors sat. we sat down I could see the twins face flood with concern. As I relished that they probably notice that Harry was not with us. I knew that I and Ron would have to explain to them what had happened; Ron would have to explain what had happened over the holidays as well. To be honest, though I only know what he had told me in letters, so I didn't really know what was going on.him. I wish I was able to help. I feel like I'm watching my best friend die, right in front of me. But what can I do? soon breakfast was over. I and Ron decided to head back to the dorm to see how Harry was. Well, check he wasn't dead. On the way out I quickly grabbed some food. we bean to head up the stairs and through the portrait door as Ron began to push it open. As we entered into the room, Harry still laid in his bed. he looked as if he had barely moved in the hour we were gone. I placed the food on the table beside his bed. At this moment the door swung open again, as I looked over to see Neville walk into the room. As he walks over to the bathroom with a cup and comes back in to water his plants. Harry just looked at the food that laid beside him. "I'm not hungry, thanks," he said. "Harry," Ron said. "you have to eat something". Harry didn't even bother replying to this comment as he knew whatever he said would be absolutely useless; all he did was shake his head. "Harry, stop being so stupid and eat," I said slightly aggressively. "as I said I am NOT hungry!" harry snapped back. At this point t, Neville could clearly see what was going. "Harry, you need to eat something whether your hungry or not, you are sick". "I'm NOT sick. I don't need to eat anything. I am FINE!" he yelled as he jumped out of his bed and grabbed some clothes and I assume he began to get ready. The rest of the room just remained in silence. no one even whispered a word to each other. "so what do we do now," Ron said as he looked over towards me. "umm, I am not sure," I mumbled. Just wishing everything would just go back to how it was before. This had been going on for months now. It wasn't just going to get better overnight, although I wish it would. if everything could just go back to normal. Harry pov. why don't they understand.I'm not sick. I'm not to thin if anything I'm the opposite. but none of them understands that I need to help Gryffindor win the quidditch cup. At this point, I decided that I had had enough of them all complaining, and now Neville is getting involved, again. I got up grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom slamming the door behind me. I hate how they all think I'm sick. why would I be sick? I'm far from being sick. I'm just trying to help Gryffindor win. I decided that I should probably get changed. after that, I will probably go to the ROR. yes, that is what I would do. it will be nice to be alone for a while. Well, that is if they don't follow me of course. I soon headed out of the bathroom as I walked towards the door and went to open it, Hermione and Ron quickly jumped to their feet and headed to follow me. As I slammed the door practically hitting Hermione in the face; I kinda felt bad but it was her fault for following me. I wish they would understand it when I wanted to be alone. But of course, they were not able to. as I began to try and walk fast I felt Hermione grab my arm. " Harry, where are you going?" she said. "somewhere, I want to be ALONE!" I yelled back at her as the whole common room turned to see what was going on. as I quickly walked out of the common room and headed down to the ROR as I whispered I needed somewhere to be alone. As I walked into the room, it was just empty. well, there was a table. In the corner of the room, there was a table. Just a table, with a few items placed on it. as I got near I could make out the shape of a bottle, which had a label stating that it was nutrients potion. there was also a knife and some badges. which were clearly for later uses. as I sat down by the table grabbing the potion and drinking it. now that should be enough food for today. After that, I carefully picked up the knife as I placed it to my wrist where the other cuts lied. funny that the idiots didn't realise that the scars were mostly from me and believed my stupid excuses. why are they so stupid. I began to pull the blade across slicing my arm, as my head exploded with thoughts. dead parents, slices. overprotective friends, slice. causing Gryffindor to lose the quidditch cup, slice. I kept cutting in till the small puddle of blood began to grow. I decided that I should probably stop so I would be able to add later. so I grabbed the bandages and began to wrap my arm up, not doing a very good job. I didn't know any healing spells though, so it's better than the blood-seeking through the sleeves on my hoddie. yes, it was black but you still would notices. I didn't have a clue about how long I had been in here. probably only a couple hours. But I should probably head back before Hermione began getting too worried. I mean knowing her she would send out a whole search party. I soon arrived back at the common room to realised that it was already 6 pm. I decided to go up to the dorm, as I was kinda feeling tired. so I walked up the stairs towards my bed. I decide to just lay there. not even 5 minutes later, Hermione and Ron came into the room. "Harry, are you ready to go," she said. I was slightly confused and then realised that she was going on about dinner. of course, I didn't want to go. And even if I did, I wasn't going to eat anything. "oh, I'm not hungry" I said, "I wasn't asking if you were hungry you are coming either way." "Fine, I'm coming," I said s got up and headed down to the great hall. Soon we were finished and headed back up to the common room. I didn't eat anything as per normal, Hermione still placed food on my plate but I knew she would. but anyway wood announced that the last game was in a couple of weeks. now is my chance to make it up to them for causing us to losses last year. But it also meant I had to work harder. so much harder. n/a thank you so much, I never imaged that I would get 1k thank you so so so much. writing means everything to me and your support means so much. I could be having one of the worst days and all I have to do is just grab my laptop and write and it makes the day so much better. thank you so much. I hope you continue to enjoy the book as much as I enjoy writing it


	26. Chapter 26

Harry pov

Soon it was the final match of the year, I haven't eaten since wood announced it. I mean the team deserved to won no matter what.Hermione gave up a few days ago with trying to get me to eat; it normally just ended in arguments. I don't care if she thinks this is 'unsafe'. All I care about was making sure Gryffindor wins. Anyway it's almost breakfast and to be honest, I don't see the point in going. Even though she did give up trying to make me eat, she still made me go to the great hall. Probably to see if I would give in to the temptation of food, but with the whole of the Quidditch team relying on me, I couldn't. Anyway, I've already given up so much time and put so much work in; skipping a few meals is nothing.

A few moments later Hermione arrived at the door waking up the whole dorm and telling us to get ready for breakfast. Soon as we were all ready we headed down to the common room to meet the others. Soon most of Gryffindor was heading down to the great hall.As the Quidditch team sat all together as Wood cleared his throat to begin hid pep talk. "We are going to beat Slytherin and all the other houses. So make sure you all eat well so you have enough energy." Wood finished as Hermione looked over at me and rolled her eyes. In a slightly quiet voice wood looked over and said: "yes Harry, that does include you." As Hermione took this as her cue and placed some toast on my plate as I decided to uses the same phase I had repeated so many times over the last few months. "I'm not hungry," I said as I pushed the plate away. I quickly jumped up from the table and left.

Soon I got to the dorm and went to the draws and opened the middle one as I rummaged around, laying my hands on a small bottle. As I pulled it out I unscrewed the lid placing the bottle to my lips and gulping down the potion. As it was the Quidditch final I decided that I should probably take two so I had enough energy to survive today. Soon enough it was time to go down to the match.

Soon I arrived at the pitch. You could hear almost the whole of Hogwarts talking in the background as the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw teams waited for the match to begin. Wood began to speak "We have trained a lot and we are going to win for Gryffindor." Promptly afterwards the whole crowd erupted with cheers; mostly from Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. Momentarily afterwards we began to walk onto the pitch. The two captions shake hands then the whistle blew and everyone quickly shot up into the sky. As I hovered above the pitch, looking for the snitch. As I looked over at the Ravenclaw seeker. As she waited to see if she could see the snitch. Soon I could see a small Golden ball buzzing around the sky. I quickly began to chase it. The Ravenclaw seeker soon followed. Hardly keeping up. The snitch was going all over the place. I soon felt it graze over my felt it grazes across my fingers as I gripped it in my hand. As the match is ended. "Gryffindor wins. 190 to 20." As I headed down towards the ground. This means that we had one the quidditch cup. The Gryffindor stand burst with cheers and any other noise they were making. We did it. We won. We actually did it. We won the house cup. At this point, I felt like screaming. I mean we all had worked so hard for this. Well, we would have won last year but I was in the stupid hospital wing. But we won. Who cares.

Soon we headed up to the castle. Soon arriving in the great hall. As we sat down for lunch. "Well done, we did it. We won the Quidditch Cup." Wood said. Everyone seemed so happy. The table soon appeared with food. As I looked around as everyone filled their plates. Maybe I should eat something. I mean I have barley eaten in months. Okay, I will eat something. But only something small. As I looked around at the table. What should I have? I could have an apple, they are like eighty-five calories? To be honest I didn't really fancy an apple. Maybe I should have a sandwich? They are in quarters. As I picked up a sandwich, it had just ham in. I mean cheese was too high in calories. So was the bread but we just won so I think I deserve it. As I took a bite I looked up to see half the Quidditch team, my dorm mates and Hermione staring over completely in shook. I wonder why? Oh, it's probably because I'm actually eating food for the first time in a while. But let's be honest, I did not need to. Soon lunch was over. To be honest I was so so so hungry still. Why did I think it was a good idea to eat? Soon I got back to the dorm. I quickly jumped in the shower and got changed. I decided to go for a walk and skip dinner. If I went anywhere near food right now I would probably end up eating well to much. I knew I couldn't. I just couldn't. As I headed out of the common room and headed down to the black lake and just sat there for a while.

Hermione pov

After lunch, we headed up to the common room. But to be honest, I am still in shock that Harry actually ate without being forced to. I mean that hasn't happened in months. I know it was like a tiny sandwich but still, it was an improvement. He might be getting better. It makes sense though. It was all because of Quidditch. But that's over now. Well until next year. But if he gets better before then maybe he won't care about his weight too much. I mean he wouldn't just magically get over it, but this is a start. Hopefully, he will eat at dinner. "Hermione. Hermione! Did I see what happened at lunch correctly?" Ron basically yelled and screamed as he came in. I just nodded as if I spoke I probably would scream as well. I mean he was about to die but he's starting to get better. "So do you think he will come down to dinner later?" Ron said as his joyfulness slowly faded "I hope so" I said not being a hundred per cent convinced.

Soon Harry came down, as he headed for the door. "I'm gonna go for a walk see you later," He said with a smile that looked genuine.

"You coming to dinner?" I asked.

"To be honest I don't feel like it."

"Okay," I said slightly disappointed as Harry left the room.

"Well, that didn't go as planned," I said.

"Yeah" Ron replied. "So are you gonna force him to eat?"

"Not planning on it, don't forget there's a party later so he will probably eat then," I said hoping that that statement would be true. But I couldn't be so confident. Soon we were joint by the twins and began to head down to the great hall.

Soon we arrived at the great hall as we headed to the Gryffindor table. As food soon appeared. Most of the Gryffindors didn't eat much; probably as there is a party later. "So, where's Harry?" Fred asked.

"Oh, he chose not to come. He went for a walk." I said.

"Oh, did you see he was eating earlier?" George asked.

"Yeah, I was quite surprised but that means that he is getting better," Ron said

"Yeah. Probably as there's no more quidditch." I said slightly aggressively as I looked over towards wood.

"Well, he is getting better," Fred said.

Soon we finished dinner and headed up to the common room where the place was covered in decorations for the party and a table full of food.

Harry PoV

Soon it began to get cold outside but I didn't really feel like going back inside. Shortly after a shadow appeared in the distance. It was Draco. "Hi, Harry."

"Hi, Draco"

"I thought you would be at the Gryffindor party. You know to celebrate winning."

"Oh not until later, they all gone down to dinner."

"You should have probably gone down with them, quidditch is over and you seriously need to eat."

"Oh, I'm not hungry and I also ate earlier"

"What did you have?"

"A sandwich"

"Is that all?"

"Yeah, well it's better than nothing"

"True, But you should eat some more."

"Sure"

"I'm being serious"

After this, we just began to talk about other things, shared a few kisses. But soon I decided that I should probably go back to the Gryffindor common room.

Soon I arrived at the common room. It was coved in decorations and everyone seemed to be having a great time. As I looked around to go find Hermione and Ron. Soon I found them.

"Hi," I said as I stood behind them

"Hi Harry," Hermione said

"So what have I missed," I asked.

"Not much, just Wood's speech. Anyway, do you want to get anything to eat" nope just say no just say no I repeated in my head but of course my mouth said differently? "Sure". why did I say that? At this point she walked over to the table as we all grab some food, I decided that if I was going to eat I might as well go all out why waste eating too much and not just enjoying it. Maybe I can get better. I decided that I would have a butterbeer as well.

Soon it was about midnight when everyone started to head up to bed. Soon it was just me, Ron and Hermione.

"We should probably go to bed," Hermione said

"Yeah you coming to Harry," Ron asked

"In a minute," I said as they both headed upstairs. I knew I had to get rid of the food. I quickly headed towards the bathroom as I shoved my fingers down my throat. As partly digested food and acid also some blood came up. As my throat, began to burn. All I could think was how much I deserved to feel this pain I should have to eat. I quickly rolled up my sleeve, adding a few cuts before heading to bed.

Hi so there's only a few more chapters of 3rd year left but I plan to continue writing this story but do you want it to be in a different book or the same as it will be a new year. Also, I'm gonna post once a week but not on a certain day


	27. Chapter 27

*****This is after the Whole Sirius thing****

*****harry pov********

I soon arrived back in the hospital wing. It was weird to consider that we had just travelled back in time. But it also explains how Hermione was everywhere at once. But soon enough my thoughts were interrupted by Madame Pomfrey trying to forces some chocolate down mine and Hermione's throat. I decided to take it and quickly hide it to make sure no one would notice. I knew I probably should have eaten it, but I couldn't. Don't ask me why; I just couldn't? But of course, no one would ever know that I still waste better. I mean what happened at the party the other day is enough to persuade anyone I was better. I almost persuaded myself. I know that is weird to say, but it felt like it would get better. No, I'm not sick. Of course, I'm not sick. People who are sick are always thin and skinny. I'm not.

To be honest it was quite boring in the hospital wing. Not much really was going on. But soon enough it was morning which meant it was breakfast.Now I need to come up with an idea to skip breakfast. Wait I'm being stupid. I should just go back to sleep. Wow I'm so stupid.

Soon enough I woke up. It seemed to be the afternoon. It was around 3 so I probably missed lunch as well. But soon enough madam pomfrey came over and gave me some more positions. I quickly drank them before anyone said anything. Also Snape was gone. Which to be honest was a positive thing. "Harry, how you feeling?" Hermione asked. I was uncertain on if she meant mentally or physically. "Tired" I said.

"I can tell you have been sleeping all day."

"Yeah"

"So, how do you feel about you know?"

"Personally I wish he was able to be proven innocent. That way I would've able live with him."

"Yeah, but the Dursleys can't be that bad?"

"Yeah, their not that bad." I lied. Trying to paint a smile on my face. "You know what I'm actually going to get some more sleep as I'm quite tired." As Hermione nodded and i closed my eyes and rolled over to go to sleep.

Soon enough I woke up. Agin. It looked as if it was midnight. As I sat up and took a sip from the water which was beside me. As the hospital wing door swung open. Then a farmilar blonde who goes by the name Draco walked in.

"Hi, Harry"

"Hi Draco"

"How on earth did you get here?!Agin!"

"Umm... well it's a long story"

"Well you should probably start explaining then."

"Okay, But you can't tell anyone"

"I won't."

"Well Sirius Black dragged Ron into the whomping willow and-"

"I swear if he hurt you I will personally kill him!"

"Let me finish!"

"Sorry, it just I care about you."

"Anyway, So he basically dragged Ron down, me and Hermione followed. Ron's rat turned out to be peter pettigrew, who so happened to be the secret keeper and handed my parents to voldemort and got them killed. Also Sirius is innocence."

"Okay, so just the normal then." He said as we both laughed.

"Yeah basically"

"Okay then. Oh also I brought you food seeing that you haven't eaten all day." He said as he passed me a chocolate frog.

"Oh I'm not hungry"

"Well, you still need to eat"

"Yeah, I will do later"

"Okay then, I'll leave you to sleep then."

"Okay night"

"Night"

Hey sorry that it's kinda short but I kinda needed to explain what happened with Sirius and that and allow you to know that Sirius is there and that. So I might post an extra chapter but I'm also trying to write all the updates till 1 December as I'm planning to take part in NaNoWriMo which means I probably won't have time to write during this but I still want to post so I'll try to write enough updates.


	28. Chapter 28

Harry pov

Soon enough we were all sitting in the great hall for the end of year feast. Dumbledore's speech. Soon enough he announced that Gryffindor won the house cup. To be honest we were doing pretty well this year when it came down to the cups. We won both the quidditch and the house cup. So I can't complain that much, to be honest.

Soon enough Dumbledore finished his speech and the tables filled with food. As I just stared down; not daring to take a bite. Mostly as I'm so scared about going back to the Dursleys. But also I couldn't. I'm well to fat to be allowed to. And I need to make sure I was ready for quidditch next year as if I wasn't I might cause the team to lose again. Soon enough I looked up to see Hermione filling my plate with food. This was quite normal actually as she aways decided that she had to try and make me eat. Although we all full well knew I wouldn't eat. But if that is what made her happy, I don't actually care too much.

"So who excited to go home over summer," Dean asked.

"Yeah, I will get to see my parents, but it also means that I won't be able to study much," Hermione answered.

"Yeah, that means no studying which will be great, not a negative. Hermione!" Ron asked back.

"Yeah it will be some fun," Neville said. As everyone looked over to me waiting for my repose

"Yeah it will be good, but I'll miss you lot," I said

"Same I'll miss you as well," Hermione said as everyone smiled and continued eating. Well everyone except me. I knew what was waiting as soon as I stepped foot into my house. The Dursleys little 'welcome back' present. But their leaving was the worst.

Soon enough the feast was over and everyone was heading up to their dorm for the final night before everyone headed home. everyone in the dorm began to pack their things and got ready to go to sleep. Leaving me to be the only one awake. So I decided as I probably wouldn't be able to get any sleep. I headed out towards the astronomy tower and just sat there admiring the view. I began to feel a tear run down my face. Followed by enough and enough. The memories of what had happened here flood back. I can remember Draco placing his arm around my shoulder and the first kiss, him throwing my lighter; which I am still annoyed at him about. I could really do with the later right now. But I guess I'll just use a blade. I quickly rummaged around my pocket, pulling out a blade. As I began to draw on my arm as the blood ran down my arm. As the floor began to get coved in blood a small puddle appeared. As I looked down at my sleeve which was also drenched in blood. I quickly used a cleaning charm on the floor and then headed off back to the common room.

As I soon arrived back into the dorm. I quickly headed back to my dorm to see that Neville was still awake. Shit. I look as if I just killed someone. "You okay Harry, why are you coved in blood?" Neville asked

"Ummm...... long story," I replied.

"So who were you with?"

"No one"

"So it's your fault your coved in blood?"

"Ummm.... just leave it. I'm going to go clean this mess up."

"Okay then"

"Night"

"Night," I said as I quickly rushed into the bathroom. Quickly changing into some clothes to sleep in. As I headed back into the dorm room to see that Neville was still awake. But didn't seem to care much. So I quickly jumped into bed and feel to sleep.

Soon it was the next morning. As I woke up, my arm felt as if the sleeve was rolled up and that my arm which bared the cuts was wrapped in bandages. As I opened my eyes to examine what had happened. As I look at my arm which indeed was coved in bandages. I soon looked up to see that I was still in the Gryffindor common room, but Hermione, Ron and Neville were all standing there. Hermione had her arms crossed and looked angry and concerned at the same time. "Care to explain why you came back coved in blood last night," Hermione said.

"Ummm....." I began.

"Don't worry coming up with some excuse, it was quite clear what had happened, but why?" She asked.

"Umm... I don't want to talk about it." I answered.

"Well, if it wasn't for the fact we are going home today, I would have taken you down to the hospital wing." She said "but if you don't want to talk about it, just talk to us if you feel like it again. Anyway, where is the blade, as you clearly can't be trusted with it?" Hermione said.

"I'm not gonna tell you, I need them!" I said.

"Look, mate, you don't need them. You are just gonna hurt yourself some more." Ron said.

"You guys really don't understand, do you?"

"Then help is to," Hermione said.

"Look, just understand that I need them," I said

"But you don't, look either give them to us or we have to go through your stuff and find them," Hermione said.

"Fine," I said as I reached into my truck and pulled out 2 of the blunter ones. "There, are you now happy" 

"Is that all of them," Hermione asked.

"Yes, So you can now leave me alone. You've got what you want so you should be happy!" I said as I grabbed some clothes and headed to get changed.

I decided not to go to breakfast as I really didn't feel like it. So I headed down to the train a little bit late and got into a compartment. I was soon joint by Ron, Hermione Neville and the twins.

"Umm... sorry about earlier I shouldn't have reacted like that, you were just trying to help," I said not wanting them to feel bad all summer.

"Don't worry it's fine" Hermione said. After this, we sat there talking for ages till we arrived at the station. As we got off the train and hugged each other goodbye.

"Tale care of yourself, make sure you eat enough Harry. Your thin enough as it is." Hermione said

"I will see you soon"

"See you"

And with that, I walked across to platform 9 where I saw the Dursleys, as I placed my trunk in the boot and sat in the car. "Hurry up their are dish that need to be washed and dinner needs to be cooked you freak." And now it's summer, just 8 weeks and I'll be back at Hogwarts.

And that is the end of third year.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I just like to say thank you for all the support so far. Also this is being reposted from my Wattpad so I hope you enjoy.

Harry's pov

Promptly I arrived at the Dursleys. I grabbed my trunk; full well knowing that it will be locked in the cupboard under the stairs. Soon enough I opened the door as Vernon grabbed my truck and threw it under the stairs locking the door so I was in able to enter. After that, I was shoved into the kitchen as I was yelled at to do the dishes, and hurry up and cook dinner. As I began to fill up the sink Vernon decided that the water need to be hotter. So he emitted the sink and but the tap on as hot as it could go. As the air began to fill with steam. My glass began to fog up. I could hardly see. I turned the tap the tap of. Not daring to put any cold water in as the outcome would be worst. I knew the burning would be fine. Soon enough the washing up was done. I soon headed over to make dinner. As I began to cook; making sure nothing was burnt. As the welcome back gift would be worst. A lot worst. Soon enough I began to plate up the food making sure it was perfect. As I placed the food on the table. Then grabbed the ketchup from the cupboard. Placing it on the table. As I called the Dursleys down. As I stood in the corner to watch them eat. Soon enough they made their way to the table as they sat down Vernon found something to complain about. "Why is there only one sauce, what happens if any of us want any others?" He yelled. As I quickly stumbled to the cupboard grabbing every sauce in reach. As I walked over and placed them on the table. As Vernon was getting more angry per the second. I knewI had it coming for me. All I did was keep quite.

Soon they finished eating and I had finished washing up. Then uncle Vernon came pounding through the door. As he thought me to the floor and began kicking me. Agin and agin and agin. Soon he screamed at me to take my top off. As I then quickly did as he asked as I sat on my knees. My elbows touching my knees. As I braced myself for the pain. As I felt the belt hit me. As it slapped against my bare skin. And it slapped again and again. I till my back felt as if it was on fire. My back soon began to fill as if blood began to drip down it. Soon he grabbed my arm. I quickly jumped up as he began to slam me against the door. I could fill my ribs break.

Eventually, after a couple of hours, he got bored and gave up and left it there. Well until tomorrow anyway. I dragged myself upstairs to my bed as I felt my stomach growl. But I just ignored it as per normal.

As I laid in bed thinking about how much I miss Hogwarts already. I began to replay the last year over my head again and again and again.Soon I couldn't stop thinking about Sirius. I wish he didn't have to run from the ministry again. Soon enough I closed my eyes and fell to sleep.

Soon I was woken up by yelling. "hurry up and make breakfast. You freak" Vernon screamed. As I quickly ran down to the kitchen and began to cook the meals for them. Soon I severed the food placing it on the table and calling them down. Then I was handed my daily chore list. As soon as they finished I quickly cleaned up and headed off to start doing the chores.

Soon enough it was after dinner which meant it was time for Vernon favourite hobby. Beating me up. "Yay, my favourite time off the day" Isaid in my head as I sighed.

Soon enough my back was coved in more bruises and cuts. I soon dragged myself up to bed.

Soon it was a couple weeks later, my whole body was covered in cuts and bruises. I had barely had anything to drink and nothing to eat. I was sitting by my window. As I soon began to hear a bird knocking at my window. As I walked over I opened my window and an owl came flying in. As I saw a letter attached to his leg I quickly unraveled it and read through it.

To Harry

Hi, I was wondering if you would like to go to the quidditch World Cup finals. If so we will be picking you up on Friday at 7pm and you can stay with us for the rest of the summer.

Ron

I quickly grabbed a quill and wrote back saying yes. As I knew I didn't want to be here any longer. But today was only Monday which meant 4 more days of the Dursleys. Great.

Soon it was Friday. I still hadn't told the Dursleys that I was going. I just made sure I stole the key and got my trunk out last night. But I was so ready to go to Ron's. He was due any minute now. Wait that's him. I quickly grabbed my trunk and headed to the door as I shouted bye.

Soon I arrived at the burrow as I received the normal fussing from Molly about how I was well to skinny and should eat more. But I quickly threw my bag into Ron's room and we headed out to go play quidditch. Now it was time for my actual summer.


	30. Chapter 30

Ron pov

Soon enough we arrived back home and decided to go and play Quidditch what mum made some lunch. Soon me the twins Ginny and Harry all headed outside. Soon we began to play, we'll not like an actual game as there wasn't enough of us. But it still was fun.

Soon mum called us in for lunch. We all soon sat at the table as she placed food on each of our plates. Soon enough we began to eat, we'll everyone except Harry who had barely touched his food. Well, he was pushing it around and cutting it up as he clearly doesn't have his wand on him. He already looked well to thin and rather sickly. As everyone finished he pushed his plate away and said that he had finished as well. And before mum had a chance to say anything everyone headed out to go back and play Quidditch.

Later we headed back inside to play chess. I won each game I played. Soon enough mum called us in for dinner as put food on each of our plates. Harry still barely touched any of his food and didn't dare eat any of it. "Harry my dear, your well to thin you need to have something to eat." Mum said.

"Oh I'm not hungry." He replied. As everyone else finished and mum gave up trying to get Harry to eat something. Soon everyone headed up to bed and went to sleep as we were going to the quidditch World Cup. Hermione was also coming but she wouldn't get here until tomorrow.

Soon enough it was morning as we began to head down to the portkey. As we were walking we started talking about are summers as Harry was being noticeably quieter. Well he had barely spoken since getting here. "Hey Harry, how was your summer?" I asked

"Good" he replied as he clearly zoned out agin. Soon we arrived at the portkey as we meet the Diggory. As everyone introduced each other everyone grabbed the portkey as it began to spin round as we soon arrived and hit the ground as we headed to the tents.

A couples later it was after the game and we all headed back to the tent as what sounded like fireworks began to go off. Soon enough dad said that it was some death eaters and it was you know who's mark As we all began to run with the crowd. (this bit just like in the book I'm just to lazy to write it)

It was the night before we went to Hogwarts. Percy and dad both seemed to know that there was something happening at Hogwarts this year. Mum also seem to know as well.

Soon enough it was morning and we head towards the platform as we ran through the barrier. As we got on the train and headed off to Hogwarts.

Sorry that this is really bad but it was mostly going off canon so I didn't want to rewrite that


	31. Chapter 31

> Harry pov
> 
> Soon we arrived back at Hogwarts after the whole of summer. But since the world cup, my scar has been hurting. If probably is nothing but I'll probably send a letter to Sirius about it though. We have been staying in contact since third year. But he still has to be on the run. But he is with Remus now. As Remus left Hogwarts he doesn't have to work so he can go with him. I feel like they could do with each other company. They seem to need it. Anyway, we soon arrived back at Hogwarts. Soon we got into a carriage and headed up to the great hall as we sat through the sorting then food appeared on the table as everyone began to eat. Hermione decided to place some food on to my plate to.see if she would be able to get me to eat any of it, but we all full well knew I couldn't because I had to make sure Gryffindor won the-. Wait there's no Quidditch cup this year. Well, I just couldn't. I don't know why but I couldn't.
> 
> Soon enough everyone began to head up to their common rooms. As we decided to head up to the Gryffindor common room. Soon enough we got to are dorm rooms as I decided that I would start unpacking. As I began to unpack some of my stuff I remember that I had some new blades that I stole over summer. I quickly looked around to make sure no one was watching. Then I quickly stuffed them into my Pocket.
> 
> Soon as I finished unpacking. I decided that would go and add to the cuts that line my arm. I headed into the bathroom making sure I had some bandages to stop blood getting everywhere like last time. As I close the door making sure it is locked before taking the blade to my arm as the blood slowly dripped into the sink. Soon the sink was cover in blood. The floor also began to collect a few drops of blood. But I continued to add lines.
> 
> Soon I began to feel dizzy. So I decided to sit on the floor by the shower so if the blood got everywhere it would be easier to clean up. Shit. I forgot I have my wand. Well that makes that problem a lot easier to sort out.
> 
> It was a little later when I began to hear a banging on the door next to me. As I soon heard Roms voice. "Is everything okay in there, you been in there for ages?"
> 
> "Yeah I'm fine" I replied.
> 
> "You sure"
> 
> "Yep" I said as tried to stand up but immediately fell over.
> 
> "Doesn't sounds like it"
> 
> "I'm fine I just tripped."
> 
> "Okay then" he said as I tried to stand up agin managing to gain some balance and quickly wrapped some bandages around my arm before opening the door and trying to walk over to my bed. I could hardly walk in a straight line. I kept walking into each wall. It seemed as if I was drunk. I finally collapsed just before I made it to my bed. I woke up a couple seconds later and tried to pull myself up and sit on my bed. "You alright mate?" Ron asked.
> 
> "I'm fine"
> 
> "Not fine, something wrong."
> 
> "I'm fine"
> 
> "When was the last time you ate." He asked.
> 
> "Umm, not sure why?"
> 
> "Cause you are clearly dizzy and if I didn't know better I would say drunk."
> 
> "I'm not dizzy or drunk, I'm just a bit tired that's all"
> 
> "I'm getting Hermione"
> 
> "No that's not a good idea" I said
> 
> "I'll be back in a minute" he said as he disappeared off.
> 
> A few moments later he came back with Hermione. "So Harry, care to explain why you can hardly stand up?" She said
> 
> "It's nothing, I'm fine." I said.
> 
> "When was the last time you ate?" She then asked
> 
> "Not to long ago" I said.
> 
> "He hasn't had anything since coming to the burrow" Ron added.
> 
> "Harry, your way to thin you need to eat a lot more." Hermione said as she grabbed 2 chocolate frog and a small packet of jelly slugs from her pocket and threw them over. "I'm not-" I started but I quickly got cut of by Hermione saying "that dosent matter your still eating all of that." All I did was roll my eyes and sat there still refusing to even take a bite. "If I have to I will sit here all night and wait for you to eat something." Hermione said. I just sighed. At this moment Neville, Semeus and Dean all walked in and saw what was going on. "Umm do you want us to go down to the common room" Neville asked.
> 
> "You might as well stay as this clearly won't be over a couple hours, we would go down to the common room but someone, is unable to stand." Hermione snapped back as the others just nodded and continued doing what they were doing. "So have you decided to stop being stupid and have something to eat."All I did was shake my head I wasn't going to give up that easily. This continued for a little while longer. "so I'm I aloud to go to sleep?" I asked as to be honest if I didn't I would pass out.
> 
> "Not until you eat something." Hermione said.
> 
> "Mate, She has a point. You need something to eat." Ron said.
> 
> "Like I said I'm not hungry." I said.
> 
> "If you don't eat anything, I will take you to the hospital wing." Hermione said.
> 
> "Fine" I said knowing that if I went they would see all the cuts and bruises. I picked up the chocolate frog as my hand began to shake and placed it in my mouth taking a bite then enough and enough.
> 
> "There are you happy now" I snapped back at her.
> 
> "Like I said, you need to eat all of it" She said. As I picked up the jelly slugs and ate them followed by the other chocolate frog. Trying not to think about how many calories that where in the food. "Is that better!" I snapped at her.
> 
> "Yes, I'll leave you guys alone now to get some sleep." She said as she walked out the door. Not even a minute later I tired to stand up to get out of bed to do and throw up but all I did was fall over. "You okay mate?" Ron asked.
> 
> "Yeah I'm fine" I replied.
> 
> "Mate, I know what you where thinking. Don't be stupid just go to sleep."
> 
> "Fine, see you in the morning"
> 
> "Night"
> 
> "Night" I said as I closed my eyes feeling sick from eating.


	32. Chapter 32

Hermione pov

A couple of days have passed since the start of term. Harry still has barely eaten anything. I'm starting to get concerned he already looks much thinner. At this stage, I'm not actually sure what to do to help. He is just slowly killing himself. He is practically dead. I still think taking him to the hospital wing might help, but he so reluctant to go. He probably hiding something knowing him. He is so distant. Well, he still socialist with us, but in lessons, he barely takes any notes or that. He just doesn't want to open up about what is going on in his mind.

Soon it was breakfast. As for me Ron and Harry all headed to the great hall Dumbledore announced that classes would finish early today. As the other schools will be arriving and that there will be a welcome feast and the rules for the Triwizard tournament will be announced. As everyone began to eat. I looked over at Harry who hadn't even botched putting anything on his plate. As I looked over and decided that I would put some food on his plate in the hope that he would eat something. But knowing him, he wouldn't. I just wanted to help him but I had no clue how to.

Soon it was the feast. The hall was filled with students. Everyone sat down waiting for Dumbledore to start his speech. Soon he began his speech explaining how risky this torment is and how each school has one champion. And then he introduced the 2 other schools. Then stated that you had to be at least 17 to enter. You could hear everyone getting annoyed in the background. Soon enough the goblet was lit, and food appeared on the table. Harry of course still refused to eat any of it.

Soon enough it was later that evening when we all headed up to the Gryffindor common room. Nothing that exciting happened. Well, there was Fred and George plotting how to get past the age barrier. Although it would never work. I decided to head up to bed leaving Ron and Harry in the common room to finish playing chess.

Harry pov

Soon enough it was morning. Hedwig came last night dropping off a letter. It was from Sirius explaining how he came back into the country because of my scar hurting. I sent him a letter explaining that it wasn't that bad. I sent it but still haven't received a reply yet. Well, of course, I haven't; I only sent it last night. Soon enough I decided that I probably should probably get up and head to breakfast. Even though there was no point of me going as I didn't eat anything, but it did make Hermione a bit happier so I decided that I would.

Soon I walked down to the common room where Hermione and Ron were sat. Soon we all headed down to the great hall where we all sat at the table. A few minutes went by before Hermione began to place food on my plate.I ignored it as per normal.

Soon we all headed off to our lessons. Today we had charms history of magic and Transfigurations. Soon enough it was the feast we're afterwards they would announce the Triwizard champions. Soon enough me Ron and Hermione all walked into the greatest hall sitting where we sat earlier. Soon enough food appeared across the table. I still choose not to eat. Hermione places some food on my plate. Eventually, it was the end of the feast and the Triwizard Champions would be announced. Soon all 3 champions where chosen. Hogwarts champion beginning Cedric. Soon enough the goblet released although name. As the hall feel dead silent until you could hear Dumbledore's voice echo the hall. "Harry Potter" he screamed. "Harry Potter". Why does this happen to me? I didn't even put my name in the goblet. I wish the ground would just suck me in. Or a black hole I really don't mind. I soon walked over as the Gryffindor clapped, all except Hermione and Ron. While the Hufflepuff booed looking extremely angry. Some of the Slytherin was laughing and the Ravenclaws were doing whatever. And the other schools remained silent. Some faces filled with anger.

I soon made my way into the side room. As I waited in silence soon the teachers came rushing through and the interrogation began. Soon enough we were allowed to go up to our common rooms.

When I arrived at the common room it was crowded with people celebrating and eating food. I wonder how they do it. I mean they all still look average weight. yet I'm so fat and I barely eat anything. I quickly pushed through the crowed ignoring everyone who asked me how I did it. Soon I lay on my bed and tried to go to sleep but my head just filled with thoughts. But eventually, I fell into sleep.

Hey so after writing 2,ooo words for my other story I decided I wanted to write this for NaNoWriMo so get ready for a spam


	33. Chapter 33

Harry pov

Soon the sun began to run through the dorm. It was Saturday and looked as if everyone had already headed to. Breakfast but I decided that I would go to the common room and read a book and do some homework. But as I have down Ron and Hermione were sat there. Hermione holding a plate of toast. "I assume you didn't want to head down to the great hall after last night." Hermione said.  
"Yeah, Not really." I said.  
"Do you want to go for a walk around the castle." She asked as I nodded and we all headed down and out of the castle and into the forbidden forest. And went and sat by the black lake. All 3 of us sat there talking about anything. Avoiding the conversation about the Triwizard tournament. Soon Hermione looked over after quickly sharing a concerned look with Harry. "Harry you do know food isn't optional?" Hermione said as she edged the plate of toast towards me.   
"But it isn't compulsory either." I snapped back.  
"If you want to live it is." She said back.  
"And if i don't, it isn't." I said back.  
"Harry, do you want to live?" Hermione then asked as I thought about it. I'm not suicidal, but I'm not all exited about life either.  
"Well I wouldn't exactly be sad if died. But I'm not suicidal either." I said.  
"Then why are you slowly killing yourself?" Hermione then added.  
"I'm not trying to kill myself." I then snapped back.  
"But your not trying to live either" Hermione said   
"But that doesn't mean anything either." I said.  
"Mate, She has a point have you seen how thin you are." Ron said.  
"But it none of your concern how much I'm eating." I said.  
"Harry we care about you, just explain why you are doing this at least." Hermione said.  
"I don't know.Okay. I can't stop. And I don't want to." I said.  
"So you want to die then?" Hermione said "I'm not saying you have control over it. But just think about it." Hermione said.  
"Okay, I'm going back to the castle it's too cold out here." I said as I quickly stood up with tears about to fall from my eyes as I released how much I was hurting my friends.

Soon I arrived back at the castle. I tried to keep my head down but people still noticed me. But soon I walked past where the room of requirements was. I just needed to be alone for a bit. Just needed to be alone with a blade. Sharper the better. I quickly walked into the room and grabbed a blade from the table and quickly began to cut. Soon the floor was covered in blood. It looked as if someone had been murdered. Soon my arm was coved in fresh lines. I didn't care though. I deserved every bit of pain. The pain of each cut. The deeper it was the better. The blood soon spilled across the floor it began to cover the floor more and more until I began to feel light headed but I cut agin and agin and agin until everything blacked out. I was unable to see anything. It was just black. Am I dead. Will I finally meet my parents after waiting for so long. 

Draco pov

Soon enough it was time for lunch. I made a mental note to owl Harry later and ask if he wanted to meet tonight. I probably should check to see if he is okay. I have not been able to speech to him since before summer. I decided that it probably would be worth while talking to him as he had been through a lot since coming back to school. And I needed to find out if he put his name in that goblet. There are rumours going around saying that he said that he did not put his name in the goblet. But some people said that he was lying. Also, speaking about Harry where is he? He did not come to breakfast and he is not at lunch either. I soon felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked over to see who it was and of course, it was pansy. "What you thinking about you seem pretty lost in your thoughts." She said.  
"Just thinking about Harry, and how he has not been at any meals today." I said true fully.  
"Maybe try and find him after lunch." She suggested. As I went to stand up to go. "Lunch dose classifies as more than a couple bites of a sandwich." She said. As I just picked the sandwich up and an apple and left. 

Soon I had spent an hour looking around the school. I decided that he was probably in his dorm. But I thought I would quickly look in the room of requirements. 

I walked up to where the room of requirements was. Soon the door appeared as I walked into the room to see the floor coved in blood. And then looked over to see Harry's lifeless body. As I fell to my knees beside him. I began to shake his body. And screamed or yelled. "Wake up, please just wake up. Do not die on me."


	34. Chapter 34

Draco pov

"Do not die on me." I yelled as I shook him gently. Looking at the thousands of cuts that lined his arms. I wonder what would of drove him to do this. Well with everything going on it kinda made sense he might feel like this, but he should of spoke to someone. Soon, to my surprise his eyes began to open. He looked a little shocked at fort but eventually once he had relished what had happened he looked embarrassed and sad. He soon bolted up as he looked down and looked at the blood across the floor. "Care to explain why you were passed out on the floor coved in blood?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"I just got carried away." He replied quietly.

"Why are you cutting?" I asked just wanting to get to an answer to my question.

"It helps, I guess. I'm not really sure but it helps." He responded.

"Next time talk to someone, theirs other ways to deal with this and everything going on, I'm sure you can talk to Weasley or granger and you can aways talk to me as well." I said. "I'm going to go grab some bandages. Just stay sat and I'll be back in a minute." I said as I headed out of the room and grabbed some from a class near by as it was now school policy to have medical kits in each class room. Soon I walked back into the room.

Harry pov

Soon As Draco left I quickly grabbed the blade and stuffed it into my pocket. So when Draco came back he wouldn't notice it. Soon he came back into the room with some bandages and sat beside me. "Give me your arm please" he said quietly. I quickly looked across my arm at all the cuts. After a few moments of admiring my work. The only thing I was good at. Well to be honest though they could of been a bit deeper. I moved my arm and let Draco wrap my arm in bandages then moved my arm back soon as he was finished. "There that's sorted now" he said as he quickly scanned the floor clearly looking for something but being unable to lay his eyes on what he had clearly been looking for. "Where is the blade" he asked as I tried my best to ignore his question. "Harry, where is the blade?" He asked. As I tried to ignore him agin. "Harry give me the blade now!" He demanded this time.

"I'm not giving it to you, I need it" I snapped back.

"No, you do not need it." He said "give me the blade." All I did was shake my headed.

"Accio-" Draco began. I relished that he probably would end up getting hurt if he summed it.

"Fine you can have it." I quickly said before he had change to finish. I reached into my pocket and passed him a blade. He placed it in his pocket.

"Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?" He asked. my headed quickly filled with thoughts running around as if they where on a treadmill. "I just felt bad about making them worried and that." I answered.

"Worried about what?" He asked looking as if he was trying to workout what was making them so worried.

"That I'm not eating enough, although I am. and I'm to quite." I said.

"Harry when was the last time you ate?" He asked.

"A few days ago" I replied.

"Harry, you needed to eat more often your way to thin." He said. But I knew, I wasn't. I was far from it.

"I'm not that thin." I respond.

"Harry, you need to eat." He said

"No, I don't need to." I said.

"Harry, I'm not arguing with you." He said.

"Fine, I'll eat later." I said hoping he would shut up.

"Okay, I have to go find Pansy before she kills me for being gone to long. ." He said.

"Okay, see you then." I said as he headed off then soon after I headed off to the Gryffindor Common Room.

Soon I arrived at the common room. As it was the Hogsmeade trip today the room wasn't to crowded. Just a couple of older years in the corner studying. Also Ron and Hermione. "Harry why are you covered in blood?" Hermione asked.

"Umm long story, I'm going to get changed." I said as I wondered why I chose to wear a grey hoodie instead of the usual black.

"You better explain yourself after." Hermione then yelled. I soon made it to the dorm grabbed some clothes and got changed.

Soon as I was finished getting changed i headed out into the dorm where Hermione and Ron were both sat waiting for me. "So you going to explain now?" Hermione asked.

"Well to be honest I'll prefer not to." I said knowing that wouldn't help.

"Well your going to explain anyway." Hermonie snapped.

"Umm... an owl on a period." I said hoping that she would just give up.

"Harry, Wizarding owls don't have periods or nesting season. They uses magic while training them to stop them." Hermione said.

"Oh I didn't know that" I said just hoping she would stop questioning me.

"Harry show me your arm" Hermione said.

"There's nothing wrong with my arm Hermione, it's fine." I said.

"Then there wouldn't be a problem showing me your arm then, would their." She said.

"Umm... still there's no point there's nothing wrong with it." I said.

"I'm not stupid, I know what you have most likely done. If you don't show us I will take you to the hospital wing, agin. I'm sure that you would have to explain a lot." Hermione said as I relished that if I went to the hospital wing some of the marks that still aren't probably healed from the Dursleys. I decided that I would just show them my arm and just deal with the lecture, about how dangerous it is and that. I rolled up my sleeve to revile a banged socked in blood. To be honest I didn't really expect it to bleed so much. "Harry, why didn't you tell us, we could have helped?" Hermione said.

"It's complicated." I said.

"I'm going to go grab some fresh bandages and some antiseptic wipes, Okay you two stay here." She said as she quickly disappeared. There was just a silence while Hermione was gone. Soon she came back into the room and began to take the old bandages off and cleaned the blood off. To be honest it stung but I deserved it for hurting them. Making them worried. Soon she began to wrap my arm with the bandages. Once she had finished there was a few moments of silence before she spoke agin. "Harry, where are all of your blades?"

"Not saying, I need them." I responded.

"Harry, either you can give me the blades or me and Ron will have to go through your stuff find them." She said. I decided that there was no way I could win this. Knowing Hermione she would still go through my stuff anyway. "So, I'm going to take that as the second option then." She said "I'm going to take Harry to the common room so you can do sort it out without him being hesitant and that." She said as she grabbed my other arm and pulled me down the the common room.

Soon as we got down to the common room. Neville walked in after his date with Luna. But Hermione didn't seem to care to much but she finally let go of my arm and I sat on the sofa. "Can I ask what is going on here?" Neville asked.

"Well someone thought that it was a good idea to cut. And then refused to hand his blades over once he had been caught. Claiming that he needed them." Hermione responded. "Could you stay down here with Harry until me and Ron have finished going through his stuff."

"Okay." Neville said as Hermione rushed up to go help Ron. To be honest I feel like this is an invasion of my privacy, but I don't think Hermione really cares about that. For quite a while it was quite. But soon enough I decided that this is so boring. "How was your date with Luna?" I asked.

"Good" he replied "Harry why didn't you ask anyone for help, I mean you didn't have to bottle it all up and refuse to tell anyone what was going on, we are here for you if you want to talk." He said.

"Yes I understand." I said getting slightly annoyed at this point.

It was about an hour later before Hermione came down to come grab us. Well grab me but Neville decided to follow. Soon we walked into the common room to see a small pile of which looked like 5 blades, which was lucky as I have a total of 8. Wait, no make that 7 as Draco took one of them earlier. And they also clearly found the potions I was using to keep myself alive as well. "So is this everything?" Hermione I asked as I just nodded my head. "Well I'm going to get rid of them then we are all going to headed down to the great hall for dinner." She said as she left the room. The only thing that I wanted to happen that moment was for the floor to open up and suck me in.

Once Hermione was back we all headed down to the great hall. Hermione piled my plate with food. All I could do was stare at it. I didn't even feel hungry anymore. Hermione did keep nudging my plate towards me. But got annoyed as I consistently refused to eat. But what was she expecting everything to be okay agin and like how it was before. She must relish that this won't all get better overnight. I wish that it would, but I'm too broken. I'm all ready gone. Theirs nothing I can do about that. Soon enough we leave the great hall and head up to common rooms then our dorm. Soon as we entered our dorm, Hermione began to speech. "Harry, you can't just ignore the fact that you need to eat. You can't just sit there and pretend that your not as pale as a ghost or look like a scelloten. At this rate you won't even need to worry about the fist challenge because you will be dead. And don't pretend that you won't. I will drag you to the hospital wing again, and make sure they don't let you leave until you look like you weigh the average weigh. You are actually going to die if you don't sort this out soon. And I'm not joking. You are actually going to die. And I'm surprised that you haven't passed out yet." soon as Hermione finished the room fell silent again. No one dared to say a word until Hermione decided that she had enough question. "Harry I'm going to ask you agin, do you want to die?" This time round the question seemed different, almost impossible to answer I mean I still felt the same way as earlier, but I do kind of want to die. I mean it's complicated really complicated. I feel like if she thinks I can explain it in words that would be impossible there's no way I would ever be able to explain it in words and there's no chance that I would ever tell anyone i felt like this. I just couldn't let anyone She how hurt I was. "Like I said earlier, I'm not sucidal but I wouldn't be sad if I died, to be honest what I am saying is that I really don't care if I live or die" I said as everyone looked over as if I had just said that I wanted to kill someone or something like that. But the only thing I said was that I didn't care if I died. "Okay why do you all look concerned, like a lot more than normal. I just said that I didn't care if I died?" I asked.

"Harry we care about you." Hermione said. Soon enough we began to talk about a different topic and then we decided to go to sleep. But to be honest I felt bad that I was making my friends concerned.


	35. Chapter 35

Harry pov

Today is the day of the first challenge. The challenge, to fight a dragon. A fully grown dragon. Although they are being controlled to some extent I'm scared, well extremely worried. Hermione and Ron have both been helping me practice for it over the last week or so, but they have barely left me alone since what happened the other day. Hermione hasn't shouted at me in quite a while. She is still trying to get me to eat more. I have been trying to I managed to eat something small at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Hermione seemed happy about that. To be honest she didn't even mention what I was eating for once, but I knew she would this morning as I probably should eat a lot more than normal as what today was. Soon I decided that I probably should get ready and head down to the great hall.

Soon me Ron and Hermione headed down to the great hall and got some breakfast. I decided that I would have half a slice of toast 150 calories. An apple which was about 85 calories. 215 calories. Well that's about 35 over so I'll make sure I don't eat the crust on the toast and leave some of the apple. Soon I took a bite of the apple and begun eating. I made sure to leave as much as I could then ate the toast making sure to leave the crust. Everyone who noticed there was a problem or whatever they referred to it as, seem to be surprised when ever I do eat anything.

Soon enough the 'champions' were called into the side hall before being taken down to the tent where we had to pull the dragons out of the bags. Soon enough the first champion headed out. Then the next and the next. Soon leaving me being the only person left it the tent. I pasted backwards and forwards as I waited for my name to be called. Soon enough it was. The crowd began to cheer as the dragon began to walk towards me breathing fire. I stuck to the plan. I summoned my broom and shot up to the sky. But the dragon managed to follow me. I flew around the castle and grabbed the egg and then made it into the tent. I somehow survived that. The first challenge is over. I survived that. I have no clue how but I managed that. But I survived.

Soon it was time for lunch. I still hate meals. I sat down with Ron and Hermione. I looked around the table trying to workout the calories. Lunch had a lot more calories than breakfast. I decided that I would have an apple which was 85 calories and a biscuit which was around 92 calories. I ate the apple then the biscuit. Today I have had 377 calories so far today. That meant 200 for dinner and I would be under 600 calories. But I should only really have 500 but as today was the first challenge I'm sure that it can slide.

Soon we head back up to the Gryffindor common room. They were all celebrating that I completed the challenge. I decided that I didn't really feel like dealing with it. I decided to head up to the dorm. I sat by my desk and decided that I would send an owl to Draco asking him if he would like to meet tonight. Soon enough I got a reply answering saying yes and to meet him at the astronomy tower tonight, after curfew. I knew I would have to deal with getting past Hermione and Ron but the invisibility clock should help.

Soon it was dinner. I made sure to only eat 200 calories then headed back to our dorm with Ron and Hermione. Hermione finally decided to help me and Ron with our position essays. Soon it was after curfew and I knew that I needed to go and meet Draco. I just needed to get Hermione and Ron to quit trying to follow me everywhere. "I'm gonna go for a walk, I'll be back in about an hour or so." I said.

"Okay, me and Ron will also come." Hermione said.

"No, I'll prefer to be alone just so I can think over what the egg could mean." I said.

"Harry last time you were alone you came back covered in blood." Hermione said.

"But I won't this time, I promise. If I do you can take me to the hospital wing." I said hoping that I would be able to keep that promise.

"Fine, but don't be to long." Hermione agreed as I threw my cloak over me and headed down to the astronomy tower.

Soon I reached the stairs where I bumped into Draco, we began to walk up the stairs. When we reached the top I felt slightly dizzy. Not stp bad. But it was starting to get worst. Probably as I did just walk up the largest stair case in hogwarts. Soon we both decided to sit down but I zoned out for a second or two. "Harry, you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm just slightly dizzy. Not a big deal." I said

"Have you eaten today?" He asked.

"Yeah, I actually did for once at all 3 meals." I said unsure if I liked that or not.

"Well that's an improvement then." He said with a smile. "You know you did really well today. I would of never thought of summoning a broom." He said with a smile.

"Well, you got to think outside of the cube." I said as we both laughed at how cringe it was.

"Please, I don't need that cringe" he laughed.

"Aww... come on that's part of having me as your boyfriend." I laughed as I kissed him on the check.

"Of corse and I wouldn't want it any other way." He said.

We sat that and chatted for a while before I decided that I probably should head back otherwise I would likely get killed by Hermonie for being to long.

Soon I reached the dorm where Ron Hermonie and now Neville were all sat. Hermione reading a book. Neville and Ron playing a game of chess. "Who's winning?" I asked.

"Ron." Neville said.

"Did you work out the clue?" Hermione asked.

"No, I can't work out what the whaling sound could mean. Maybe it's something to do with mandrakes or something. They make screeching noise." I said with a laugh.

"Okay well maybe give it a day or so but don't leave it to long though." She said with a smile. We all ended up talking to each other about anything and everything. It was weird having a normal conversation with out much talk about their concerns about my mental health or Voldemort. After Ron and Neville finished their game we all headed to bed and went to sleep.


	36. Chapter 36

Harry Potter pov

A couple of weeks had passed. Today we at breakfast we were told that we had an extra class in the great hall later. But it did also mean that we didn't have to go poisons. Which was always a good thing. I decided that I would only have 100 calories at breakfast as it means that I can have more with a meal later as they probably contain more calories. I picked up an apple and began to eat. I only ate half of the apple before deciding that maybe I should have some toast as well, I mean it does stop everyone worrying. I then picked up some toast and ate that as well. Soon we headed off to our first class.

Soon enough it was time for lunch which meant that class was over for the day. We all sat down at the Gryffindor table. Food then appeared. I decided that I would allow myself to have 300 calories. I decided to have a biscuit. Half a sandwich and an apple. Apple is, of course, the best. So low in calories but filled with flavour. Soon we headed out of the great hall and up to the common room as we had the lesson a bit after lunch. We all sat in the common room. Neville and Ron both playing chess. Hermione absorbed in a book. The twins planning their next prank. Soon everyone decided to head down to the great hall where the lesson would take place. We all sat down. Girls on one side and boys on the other. Soon we were told about the Yule ball. That it was a tradition that happened when the Triwizard tournament took place. Also that this was a lesson to teach us how to dance. Soon she asked Ron to come to demonstrate. I and the Twins both ended up dying of laughter. Soon we had to choose a partner and practices. Soon it was the end of the lesson and all of us headed up to the common room. I decided that I would write some of my essays.

Soon I decided to go up to my dorm and write a letter to Draco asking him if had would like to meet tonight. Once I had finished writing the letter I attached it to Hedwig's leg and sent her to deliver the letter. It about 30 minutes until I received a letter back to say that we would meet at the astronomy tower for about an hour after curfew.

About an hour later I head a knock-on the door. Which was Hermione saying that I needed to go to dinner? I quickly got ready and headed to the common room where I meet Ron and Hermione and we all headed down to the great hall. Soon food appeared on the table as we all began to eat. I decided to have some chicken and some veg. I began to eat the food that I placed on my plate. It did fill weird not having Hermione always complain that I don't eat enough or placing food on my plate for me. Soon the food changed from savoury to sweet puddings and deserts. Maybe I should try having something. Only something small like a yoghurt or some jelly/jello. I decided to have some jelly/jello. I only had a small amount though not much it was probably only 50 calories. Soon dinner was over and we all headed to the common room where I waited for it to be just after curfew before going to go meet Draco. "I'm just going to go for a walk," I said as I went to leave the common room.

"Okay do not be too long." Hermione then said. As I walked out of the common room.

Draco pov

Soon after we were told about the Yule ball me and Pansy were sat in my dorm talking when I received a letter from Harry asking if we could meet. I quickly grabbed some parchment and a quill. I then quickly wrote a reply before Pansy even had a chance to ask who it was. I then sat back down on the bed. "So who was that you were so desperate to reply to?" She asked knowing who it was all ready.

"Harry," I said as I felt my cheeks turn pink.

"So what did he want?" She then asked.

"To meet later," I said

"So I am guessing that you said yes." She said as I nodded. "So are you going to ask him to the Yule Ball?"

"Well I would but... first of all, no one knows we are dating or that we are gay. And I am not going to the Yule ball as Father said that it was a waste of time." I said

"Maybe next time there is a ball then," she said as I nodded.

"Yeah" I mumbled.

"Anyway, we probably should head down to dinner," Pansy said.

"Yeah," I said as we both got up and headed down to the common room where we bumped into Blaise. "So have you two finally finished making out then?" Blaise asked.

"Yeah, it was great." Pansy joked. "So are we going to dinner." 

"Yeah, coming," I said as I walked over and we headed to the great hall. We soon walked in and sat down at the Slytherin table. I kept looking over to see if Harry was okay. But he has seemed to eat again. Which was good. He still could probably do with eating some more but at least he is eating.

Soon it was the end of dinner so we decided to head back to the Slytherin common room. Once we had got them I and Pansy sat there talking about anything and everything. Soon it was time to go meet Harry so I left the dorm and headed up towards the astronomy tower where I was meeting Harry.

Soon I arrived at the astronomy tower where I meet Harry. "Hey, how are you?" I asked

"Good, how are you?" He then replied.

"Good, you did really well in the first challenge. Have you worked out what the clue is?" I asked.

"No, not yet." He replied.

"Do you want any help?" I said.

"Yeah, that would be great. At the moment it only makes a screaming sound." He said.

"Also about the Yule Ball." I began "I think we both would have released that we wouldn't be able to go together. Also, I am not going anyway as my father said that it was a waste of time." I said

"Don't worry, I thought the same." He said. As I placed my arm around him. As we sat there talking for a while before are faces became closer and closer until our lips were pressed together. I licked his lips asking entry as he opened his mouth and I used my tongue to explore. Soon we both pulled back to the breath and then continued as Harry explored my mouth this time. Then he moved over to my cheek leaving a small hickey. And then we both pulled away to breathe then I began to kiss him again moving down his neck leaving a trail of hickeys. Soon we both pulled away again and lent against the cobblestone wall. I finally caught my breath back before relishing that it had been hours and he was freezing.

"Harry, your freezing," I said

"Yeah umm, do you want to head back inside it starting to get late as well." He said

"Yeah, Pansy will kill me if I am not back soon," I said as we both got up and headed inside. We soon said goodbye as we headed off to our dorms.

Soon I arrived back at the Slytherin common room where Pansy had clearly been waiting for me. "Nice hickey you got there," she said.

"Shut up," I said to her.

"So you two had a Good time then." She said.

"I am going to bed," I said

"Okay, night. Do not go getting Potter over will you now." She joked.

"I hate you," I said

"You love me really" she shouted back.

Harry pov

I soon arrived back at the Gryffindor common room where Hermione Ron and the twins were waiting. Well, the twins were planning their next prank, but still, they were there.

"Harry, what happened to your neck?" Hermione asked

"Umm, nothing," I said uncertainly on what to say.

"Looks like you were meeting someone, mate," Ron said

"No I wasn't, it was just...." I said

"Just.....who" Hermione then said.

"Leave him alone, just because he clearly has a better love life than you two compiled dose not mean it needs explaining," Fred said.

"Okay well I'm going to bed," Hermione said

"Yeah, I'm gonna go to are you coming, Harry?" Ron asked.

"No I'm going to stay down here for a little bit," I said

"Okay night," Ron said

"Night," I said as they both headed up the stairs to their dorms.

"So was it Malfoy by any chance?" Fred asked

"What?" I said forget about the hickeys which lined my neck.

"The hickeys," George said.

"May of been," I said as Fred raised his eyebrow. "Okay yes it was"

"Knew it." Fred then said.

"You probably should try hiding them" George then said.

"Yeah, I probably should otherwise everyone will be wondering how I managed to get so many bruises and who did them," I said

"So are you and Draco going to the Yule ball together?" Fred then asked.

"No his dad said that the ball was a waste of time so he is going back to the manor," I said.

"So who do you plan on going with then?" Fred asked.

"I don't really know," I said.

"I know Ginny doesn't have anyone and I'm sure she would want to go with you as friends. She wouldn't be able to go otherwise because she is not a third-year or above." George then said.

"Yeah, I'll ask her tomorrow," I said. "Thanks"

"No problem. Also, when do you plan on telling Ron and Hermione that you are dating Malfoy?" Fred then asked.

"I'm not," I said

"You do have to tell them at some point." Fred then said.

"I know but I just need to wait until the time's right," I said

"Okay well don't leave it to long. Otherwise, they might work it out before you have a chance to tell them. Especially Hermione she will probably work it out quite quickly knowing her." George said.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go to bed. I'll see you at breakfast." I said.

"Okay, See you at breakfast then," George said as I headed up to my dorm. I grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom to get changed. Locking the door behind me. I looked in the mirror. I could see all the hickeys that went down my neck. I could also see some of the scars fro the Dursleys and I could see the cuts that lined my arm. Some still red and irritated and some just pink and white scars. I soon fished getting changed. I quickly brushed my teeth and headed to bed. I laid there for a while before drifting off to sleep. For once I actually managed to sleep without a single nightmare.

I woke up the next day and headed down to the common room where I bumped into Ginny.

"Hey, do you want to go to the Yule Ball, but as friends?" I asked.

"Umm Yeah sure that would be great" she replied

"Okay then," I said. Soon Hermione and Ron both came down.

"So Harry your up for once" Hermione then said.

"Yeah I know," I said "are we going to go to breakfast now. Because I'm pretty hungry."

"Yeah okay," Hermione said with a look of shock on her face at the fact I just said that I wanted to go to breakfast. But let's be honest the only real reason I wanted to go to breakfast was so Hermione would shut up. Soon we reached the hall and sat down at the table and began to eat. Tl thinks on a couple of weeks the hall will be decorated for the Yule ball. It will be Christmas.


	37. Chapter 37

> Harry pov
> 
> Today was the Yule ball. Everyone At hogwarts seemed to be so excited for today. I mean it might be some fun. I wish that I and Draco were able to go together though. Soon I was woken up by Ron saying that it was Christmas. We opened are present then headed down to the Gryffindor common room where we meet Hermione and went to breakfast. I decided that I wasn't going to have breakfast as I wanted to be able to eat at the Yule ball later.
> 
> "Harry, why haven't you gotten something to eat?" Hermione said falling back into old habits.
> 
> "Umm, I want to be able to eat at the Yule ball later without having to worry." I said truthfully.
> 
> "Harry it's not like having a slice of toast is going to make a big difference to how much you can eat later" Hermione said. To be honest she did have a point there.
> 
> "Yeah, Okay." I said as I picked up a slice of toast.
> 
> Soon breakfast was over. It was time to get ready for the Yule ball. I changed into my dress ropes which were a little big but nothing a belt wouldn't be able to fix. Well except I did have to put an extra hole in.
> 
> Soon I was ready so I headed down to the common where I meet Ginny. Then we headed down to the great hall. Once we had got there we were soon told to wait in a different room as the champions had to dance first. So we waited in the other room. Soon the music began and we all walked into the hall. To be honest it felt quite awkward having about thousand eyes on us all. Soon everyone else began to dance as well. Soon me and Ginny left the dance area. She went to go find Luna and I went to find go find Ron. Soon I found him sitting on a bench at the side.
> 
> "My sister! Out of everyone you could choose you wanted to go out with my sister!" He began to yell.
> 
> "No. We decided to go as friends" I said.
> 
> "Oh, sorry about that" Ron said
> 
> "What are you two now arguing about?" Hermione said.
> 
> "Nothing we have sorted it now." Ron said.
> 
> "Okay So do you want to go get some food then." Hermione said.
> 
> "Yeah sure" Ron replied quickly. Hermione didn't even wait for my response before we went to go get some food. Soon we arrived at the table. I just grabbed a few things to eat and I also got a butter beer. I forgot how amazing they tasted. Afterwards the slow boring music stoped and it was announced that the weird sisters were playing. Soon a bunch of people were around the stage screaming. Mostly the pure bloods and some half bloods as well. Soon the evening was over and we all headed up to the Gryffindor common room where everyone then slowly made there way to their dorms. And soon I did the same and went to sleep.


	38. Chapter 38

Harry pov

It was a couple of days before the second challenge and I still had not worked out the clue. I did remember Cedric saying about taking the egg to the prefect bathroom. I decided that I would do that after I meet Draco at the astronomy tower. At this point we meet up most nights. I walked up the stairs to the astronomy tower were I meet Draco.

"Hi, how you doing?" He asked

"A little nervous but that's because the second challenge is like 2 days away. How are you?" I said

"Good, have you worked the clue out yet?"He asked.

"No not yet but Cedric did say to take it to the prefect bathroom." I said.

"You cannot trust that. He could have been lying. Trying to waste your time he is the opposition." Draco said.

"Yeah, but he said that he was repaying the favour as I told him about the dragons." I said

"You told him about the dragons. Are you trying to lose?" Draco asked

"Well I'm not exactly supposed to be in the game anyway." I said.

"True. Okay so do you want to go and see if you work the clue out then." He said. As I jumped up and grabbed the egg.

"You coming?" I asked not wanting to leave Draco by himself.

"You sure I mean?" Draco said.

"Yes, it's not like we need to get full undressed or anything." I said.

"Okay then I'm coming." Draco said as he quickly stood up and followed.

Soon we arrived at the prefects bathroom.

"You do know the bathroom requires a password to enter ?" Draco said

"Yeah" I said as I walked towards the door. "Fresh pine" i sais then the door opened. As we both walked into the room. The taps began to run. Each being a different colour. Each colour symbolising a different hogwarts house but when they had reached the main pool the water was clear with bubbles. I assumed that the different colours were caused by bubbles bath.Soon I opened the egg up and it just let out a loud screeching sound.

"Close that! It's hurting my ears." Draco said.

"Yeah sorry. Any idea on what it could mean." I said.

"Not sure, maybe try placing it in the water." He said. As I placed it in the water forgetting to open it. In a few moments it had reached the bottom on the bottom of the bath. Draco then tapped me on the shoulder. "You probably should of opened it first." Draco said.

"Oh, sorry" I said as I felt a pair of lips press against mine. I opened my mouth to let Draco explore it. Soon he tugged at my top indicating that I should take it off. We both then took are tops of and continued to kiss each other. He then moved down my neck going over the hickeys from the other night. Soon we both pulled apart agin. 

"We probably should go get the egg." Draco said

"Yeah" I said as we both took are trousers off leaving us in only are boxers and both got into the bath. I went underneath to get the egg. I bought it back up and opened it but it still made the same screaming sound.

"Shut it now" Draco said as I quickly slammed it shut to stop the screeching sound.

"So any new ideas" I said sarcastically.

"Maybe put it under the water" Draco said. Then we both put are heads under the water as we both listed to the song which was sang. When the song had finished we both quickly bolted up for area.

"I have to breath under water for an hour." I said

"You will be fine. We just need to workout some spell or something then you just need to learn it and everything will be fine." Draco said.

"Okay then" I said. "I'll go to the library tomorrow."

"Okay do not forget that the challenge is the day after." Draco then said.

"Okay, well we probably should both go to bed it's getting late." I said. As I felt a pair of lips press against mine agin. Soon we both pulled away to breath. "Or do this. I mean this is much better" I said as we continued to kiss. Both of us now having a range of different hickeys down are necks. Soon we both got out of the water and put some clothes on and headed to our dorms. Soon I arrived back at the Gryffindor common room and got some clothes and headed into the bathroom room and got changed. Once I had finished getting changed I headed to bed.

"Harry wake up." I headed Hermione shut as she shook me trying to wake me.

"What is it?" I yawned.

"The second challenge is tomorrow do you know what the clue is yet?" She asked.

"Yeah, I have to do something with going under water for an hour." I said " to get something.

"Harry, get up now we are going to the library." Hermione yelled pulling me out of bed. "More hickeys , are you like making out with someone each night or something"

"Not every night" I said

"Okay get up. We can talk about that after the second challenge." Hermione said.

I eventually got ready and headed down to the Gryffindor common room where I meet Hermione and Ron who seemed as eager as I was to go. Before I had chance to say anything Hermione handed me a slice of toast. "As we do not have time to go to the great hall I got you breakfast." Hermione said.

We then got to the library as we began to read though loads of books. I felt my eyes skip through a few lines every now and agin. It was well past curfew when Neville came to get Ron and Hermione. Then at some point I fell to sleep on top of a book.

"Harry" I head Draco say. "Harry today's the second challenge"

"Do I have to go" I said knowing that I have not worked out how to breath under water for an hour.

"Yes, also take this it's gillyweed. It will allow you to breath under water for an hour." He said passing me a green leaf which I placed in my pocket. "Also I got you breakfast as well as you won't have time to eat otherwise." He said passing me an apple and some toast. Soon I was walking down towards the black lake were I sat there and waited for direction. I still don't understand how I won't get hyperthermia but I guess it works some how. I mean I am a wizard.

Soon the crowds began to gather around the black lake. Soon the final announcement were made and the challenge.

Soon it was the end of the challenge. Why on Earth did they think that it would be a good idea to put people at the bottom of the black lake. It made no sense. Especially someone as young as five but at least everyone is safe now. I mean that's a positive. I also still managed to make second place which was good compared I saved two people and Cedric and me are both on the same score so all he needs to do is win the last challenge and he wins. Hogwarts still wins. The real hogwarts champions wins.

Soon we arrived back at the common room. Ron was being asked so many questions about how he got there. At the sat he was saying the truth but over time it slowly changed and he was telling everyone that it was some kind of kidnapping. Hermione, on the other hand, was sat quietly in the corner reading a book. I still didn't understand why she was krums most prestigious person. I mean they did go to the Yule ball together. Even though Ron seemed total fine with it he is jealous. I got a feeling he may have a crush on Hermione. Also, Hermione has been annoying me about the Hickeys. She keeps saying how I should be careful especially as I'm the 'chosen one' and that people will try to take advantage of me. But let's be honest would Draco actually do that. He might be a Slytherin but that would be a lot of effort into for even him to go through just for a joke.

I soon decided to go to bed as I was really tired and I had double poison tomorrow. I also made a mental note to make sure I wrote to Draco the next day and arranged to meet.I then grabbed some clothes heads into the bathroom and got changed and headed to bed. For the first fortune in a while, I fell to sleep not worrying about the next challenge yet. Hermione doesn't seem worried yet and she normally first to worry about something so small like this.


	39. Chapter 39

Harry pov

A few weeks had pasted. The third challenge was approaching soon. The whole of hogwarts was still trying to workout what the challenge was. Especially Hermione. She was consistently trying to work it out. She even researched past challenges from other games. She still wasn't getting any luck but today was the day I found out what the challenge was. It is two weeks before the last challenge.

I was soon woken up for breakfast. Hermione dragged me out of bed and told me and Ron to both get changed quickly. To be honest she seemed almost excited if I didn't know better and that is I'm not being extreme. She probably was excited. She wanted to help. To be honest I'm quite sure I would be dead if it wasn't for Hermione.

Soon we arrived at the great hall. I placed my normal breakfast on my plate. 2 half slices of toast and an apple. Soon I began to eat. Today was Saturday so most people had pancakes. Even with maple syrup. That had tones of calories. I wish I was able to eat that many calories. That probably was like half of the calories I eat in a day. I do miss food. Well at times. I mean if I eat a lot then I don't but if I don't eat much then I do. It is really complicated.

Soon I finished breakfast. All the champions were told to go to the quidditch. Once we had walked down there the whole of the quidditch pick looked completely different. It was filled with bushes. It looked like a maze.

"Welcome champions. As some of you may have already released but the final challenge is a maze." Dumbledore said.

"Is that it" I heard Krum say.

"But this is not any old maze. It is a magical maze." Dumbledore said as everyone there began to think it was a joke. "People will change in the maze. You will have to face traps different magical challenges and different animals. Now go back and practice. Spend your time wisely." Dumbledore finished as everyone walked off to their common rooms or where ever they were staying. I wonder how they all magically know English. Like I know absolutely no French what so ever. Well, the few words I learned when I attended muggle school but that's it. I walked up to the Castle. Once I had arrived at the common room it was filled with people waiting to find out what the last challenge was. I tried to push my way through the crowds of people. Most of them asking me what the challenge was or what it contained or even if I was scared or not. I finally managed to get to my room. Ron and Hermes were not here yet. But soon enough the door swung open. Then Hermonie and Ron both walked in. I remained silent for a while trying to work out how to tell them without them thinking it was just a joke.

"What is it Harry, what is the challenge?" Hermione asked.

"It's a maze." I said.

"Your joking, right? The last challenge can't be something as simple." Ron said.

"No it's not that simple. There's things in the maze. Things like magical challenges and magical creatures and things. That's what Dumbledore said Anyway." I said.

"So maybe you should just learn some defensive spells. Like how to stun and that." Hermione suggested.

"Yeah sure" I said.

"So lets go to the library then." Hermione said. As she already began walking before we had a chance to say anything. Me and Ron both followed her as we headed to the library. At this stage I think I would of preferred to have end of year exams. May of been easier. A lot easy.

Soon enough Hermione began to summon books from the selfs and gave us one to quickly read through seeing if any of the spells would be useful. Once we had finished going through the books we went and found a old class room and began to practice. We started with stunning spells and slowly continued upwards from there. Soon Hermione decided that it was enough practice for today. It was practically dinner when we had finished practicing. We some how missed lunch. By the time we had gotten to the great hall dinner had already started. We sat down at the end of the table. I looked around at the food and decided to have some pasta. I barely thought about how many calories it contained. I remember occasionally having cheese on this. That aways made it taste so much nicer. But that was in first year. Before all of this. Before the diet began. But to be honest I did need it. But now not so much. I needed the energy more for the triwizard tournament. I soon finished eating and we headed back up to the Gryffindor common room. Where we just sat round chatting and playing chess. Although Hermonie did spend a lot of time reading. She seemed to be pretty serous. Maybe she should of been the one who got their name pulled out the goblet of fire. She would probably do better. I still don't know who actually did put my name in the goblet though.

It was 2 weeks later. Today was the final challenge. I was woken up everyone else getting ready for today. Soon I decided that I would get changed. I soon headed down to the great hall. The challenge wasn't until later this evening. I soon sat down at the Gryffindor table and waited for Dumbledore to begin his speech. "Today is the day that the third and final challenge will be taking place today. We have invited each champions family to come watch. Now I will leave you to your breakfast." Dumbledore said as I began to panic in my headed. They could not of brought the Dursleys here. No this was supposed to be my only place away from them.

"Harry, you Okay?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah, sorry I'm just nervous." I said.

"Okay, make sure you eat breakfast." Hermione said. As I placed a single pancake on my plate. I decided that if I was going to die later I might as well have a good meal now.

Soon I finished eating. The champions were excused from lessons today. Soon we were told to wait in the hall until further notice. We all sat on different tables. Soon we were all called into the side room. The same one that we were called into when we got are names pulled out of the goblet of fire. Soon I walked into the room. Hoping that the Dursleys weren't there. Soon I saw a bunch of red heads. It was Molly, Arthur, Bill and Charlie.I smiled. I was so relieved that they probably my actual family. I didn't care if it was my biological family or not it was still better than the Dursleys. I do still wish that I had my parents here but I knew that they would still be watching me.

As we had nothing to do in the morning we decided to go explore hogwarts seeing that they hadn't been here for ages and clearly missed it. I mean who wouldn't miss hogwarts. Hogwarts has been more of a home to me than anywhere. I never wanted to leave here. Well maybe if I got accepted onto the aurora program but other than that I didn't want to leave.

Soon enough it was time for lunch. We sat down on the Gryffindor table as all of the other students began to come in. Soon the other Weasleys began to arrive at the table. Soon enough everyone began to eat. Shortly after everyone was lead down to where the final challenge took place. Soon I and the other champions were crowded around Dumbledore in a circles he announced the last rules. "As Cedric and Harry are both at the same score they shall enter first followed by krum and then fleur" Dumbledore said. I stood by the entrance to the maze and then the game began.

After what felt like forever fighting tones of traps. And even having to send the red sparks up for Krum after he got bewitched. I finally saw the cup. The triwizard tournament cup. I began to run for it as Cedric trailed behind. Once he caught up he tripped on the branch. Soon the push was trying to pull him in. The cup or save him. I should get the cup as it would make-. No i need to save Cedric. I ran back and shot a stunning spell at the branch relishing Cedric ankle. We both approached the cup.

"Take it" I said.

"No you take it. You saved me back there." He said.

"Together" I then said

"1...2...3" we both said as we placed are hands on the cup. We soon arrived at a weird but familiar place. The cup was a portkey. Wait, this is a grave yard. It voldemort grave. Well the Riddle families grave.

"Cedric, get the cup." I yelled. But a shallow began to appeared in the distance.

"Kill the spear" a voice mumbled.

"Avada Kedavra" a voice yelled as a green spark appeared and Cedric fell to the ground.

"No Cedric" I yelled. As I was soon pushed against the grave stone. I was unable to move. I soon heard what sounded like a pointion being brewed. What sounded like peter voice came reading the list of instructions. "One bone of the father, taken unwillingly" he said as a bone flew out of the grave. "Blood of an enemy, taken unwillingly" he said as he ripped into my arm like the serval times I have done with my own blade. "Flesh of a servent given willingly." He said as he cut his own hand off. Then placing what looked like a baby into the boiling potion. "And the dark lord rises agin" he said as Voldemort stood there.

"Well after many years of not having a body. What was it 13 years. We meet agin Potter, or dare I say the boy who lived" Voldemort said. "Let him down I will kill him soon. But I want to give him the chance to fight back" he said as I feel to the ground. I quickly grabbed my wand as we both shouted are spells and the battle began. I began to see my parents who were telling me to keep going. I saw Cedric who asked me to bring his body back to his father. Soon I was told to let go. I quickly grabbed Cedric body and summoned the triwizard cup.

I soon arrived back at the stadium where the crowd began to cheer. I continued to hold on to Cedric body as Dumbledore tried to pull me off.

"What happened?" He asked.

"He's back, he's back, Voldemort back" I wisher yelled. Soon I heard Cedric's dad run down screaming "that's my boy".

Soon I found myself in Madeyes office. Soon I relished that it wasn't actually madeyes but it was bodycrouch jr and that he was a deatheater. Soon they found the actual madeyes who had been in a box for months. Then I was taken away to Dumbledores office were I sat and had to explain everything that just happened. Who killed Cedric. How Voldemort returned. Everything. Soon enough though I was taken to the hospital wing. Were Sirius was allowed to stay with me in dog form. I was given a couple different positions including one for a dreamless sleep. Then Ron Hermione and some of the other Weasley came to talk to me. "Think about what you are going to speed the money on" molly said to me.

"I don't want it. I don't want the money." I said. But before I got an answer they all left the room. After being kept awake with flash back I soon fell into a dreamless sleep.


	40. Chapter 40

Draco pov

Voldemort has actually returned. He is back. That means that Father will be severing the dark Lord. "Draco you Okay?" Pansy asked.

"I am just worried. I mean if the Dark Lord's back that puts Harry at danger. I mean especially if we are dating." I said.

"It will be okay. He's survived up until now, he will do it again." Pansy said

"Okay well, I am going to go to sleep then." I lied already coming up with a plan. He is in the hospital wing and it is not very hard to sneak into.

"Okay then, I will see you in the morning then." She said as she walked out of the door.

I waited a while before deciding to leave and go to the hospital wing. I slowly walked across the castle towards the hospital wing. Once I had arrived at the hospital wing I saw a raven-haired boy with a scar across his forehead. I soon walked over. My hands began to shake. "Maybe this is not the best idea," I thought but shrugged it off knowing that it was for his safety. I soon grabbed my wand from my pocket and pointed it at his head. "Obliviate" I whispered as a single tear rolled down my face. Now all I need to do it do the same to the Weasley twins. I decided that I would wait until they came out of the Gryffindor common room. I headed back to the Slytherin dorm where Pansy had clearly noticed I had been missing for ages. She was waiting in the common room as I walked in. There was no one else. Just her. "What are you doing up, I thought you were going to bed?" She asked.

"I oblivated him," I said as all the tears that were being held back fell down my face.

"Draco, you need to give him his memory back. You love him. He loves you. You will work it out." Pansy said as I began to raise my wand. "Okay, Draco I understand that you did it for his safety. But promise me once the war is over you will restore his memory" she said as I dropped my wand to the ground.

"Promise," I said. "Just don't tell anyone. I need to sort the twins out tomorrow as they know." I said.

"Okay, go get some sleep we will sort it before breakfast." She said.

Soon enough it was morning. I barely slept last night. I already miss him so much but it was for his safety I kept telling myself. Soon I and Pansy both made our way down to the Gryffindor common room. Once we got there we hide around a corner until the twins walked out. Pansy nudged my arm as I stepped out and pointed my wand at them. "Obliviate," I said. I quickly ran back around the corner where Pansy was waiting for me. My vision was blurry from all the tears which ran down my face. Once it seemed like everyone was at breakfast me and pansy both walked back to the Slytherin common room. Once we had got there we headed up to the dorm. The tears kept falling from my eyes. I sat down on the bed wishing that the day was already over.

"It is going to be okay in the end," Pansy said. I knew it wasn't going to be okay in the end but I just agreed as I could hardly form words.

"I might go to sleep," I said just wanting the pain to end.

"Okay." She said as I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

Soon I woke up to Pansy calling my name and shaking me.

"What, I was asleep?" I yawned.

"I brought you lunch," she said placing a plate next to me. To be honest I was not that hungry. I did not feel like eating anything. But I did not want to get sick. I sat up and picked up a sandwich and ate it. That was all I could bring myself to eat. "I am finished," I said placing the plate on the side.

"Okay, I will leave it there in case you decided that you are hungry later. But I will not except you not eating probably in a couple of days." Pansy said. I decided that I wanted to get some more sleep so I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

I woke up a couple of hours later. I decided that I would eat some more lunch. So I sat up. When I looked over to the other side of the dorm. I saw Pansy who looked as if she had not left since lunch. She seemed to be reading a book probably studying for exams.

"Draco, how you feeling?" She asked. I did not really know how to responded to that. I just shrugged my shoulders knowing no words were able to describe how I was feeling. I soon reached over to the plate picking up a sandwich and ate that. Followed by an apple. Soon I debated if I wanted to go back to sleep or not. In the end, I decided that I wanted to go back to sleep. I closed my eyes and drifted back into sleep.

I was woken up by Pansy telling me to get up as it was dinner time. I slowly climbed out of bed before getting changed and headed down to the great hall. I placed a few items of food on my plate. I tried to eat as much as I could but it was nowhere near the amount that I normally ate. But to be honest I just did not feel like eating. Soon dinner was over and I could head back down to the Slytherin dorm and sleep until tomorrow.

Once I got to the Slytherin dorm. I got into bed and closed my eyes. My only thoughts were about Potter and how much I missed him. Soon enough though I fell to sleep.

Harry pov

Soon it was morning. I woke up with a headache and my whole body hurt. It was quite in the hospital wing. To quite. I didn't like it being this quite. My head began to explode as what happened last night kept replaying in my head. Agin and again and again. Soon enough I heard Ron and Hermione both came in.

"You awake?" She said as she noticed the dog which was sat by the bed.

"Yeah," I said.

"How did you sleep last night?" She asked.

"Alright," I said not wanting her to bring up what happened last night.

"So you going to play quidditch again next year?" She asked.

"Of course," I said

We just started to talk about anything.

Later that evening they finally let me out of the hospital wing. Soon I headed back to the Gryffindor common room trying to ignore anyone who tried to talk to me on the way. Soon I arrived at my dorm. I just sat on the bed ignoring the world around me. Soon everyone decided to go to bed. I decided to as well. I went to the bathroom to get changed and go to bed. It felt so weird though as if I had forgotten something. I couldn't think of what it is though. I decided that I would just go to sleep.

The Triwizard tournament repeated in my head. When Cedric died also repeated in my head. I soon woke up almost screaming. I never wanted to see what happened that night again. Never. I soon get out of bed and open the secret compartment in my trunk, grabbed a blade and head into the bathroom. I sat on the bathroom floor as I began to cut my wrist. A puddle of blood began to appear on the floor. My wrist was coved in lines, but it wasn't enough. I decided to add some cuts to the other arm. The pain began to spread across both arms. My arm then began to fill numb. My fingertips were cold. Soon I grabbed some bandages and wrapped them around my arm as the blood began to soak through. Soon I pulled my sleeve down. I could fill my cold blood across my arm. I soon walked out of the bathroom and climbed back into bed.

Soon it was morning. I decided that I couldn't be bothered about breakfast. I just wanted to lay here all day. I just wish none of this happened. I feel so empty like something missing. But I can't even work out what is missing.

"Harry, do you want to come to breakfast or for us to bring it here?" Hermione asked.

"I'm not going to go breakfast " I shouted back.

"So I will take that as you want it here. " She said as she disappeared off with Ron leaving only me in the room. I just stared at the ceiling as if there was a tv up there.

Soon Hermione and Ron both returned with 3 plates. I assume that they didn't understand that I wasn't eating breakfast. Hermione placed the plate on the table beside me and went and sat down.

"Harry, why are you not eating?" Hermione asked.

"Don't fill like it," I said.

"You can't just start skipping meals again," she said.

"Watch me," I said not caring about what I said anymore. The rest of the morning was practically silent. Hermione and Ron both had class but I was allowed to not go after what happened. I decided that if as they were out I would get some time alone with a blade. I opened the bathroom door making sure to lock it. I rolled up my sleeve and began to cut. Soon there was blood across the floor again. Seeing blood across the floor seemed to be a regular occurrence for me. Well I mean it is beginning to be a regular occurrence again. I then decided to grab some bandages and wrapped my arm up. I walked out of the bathroom and just went back to laying in my bed.

Soon Ron and Hermione came back into the room. Hermione placing a plate on the table beside my bed. "We decided to bring you lunch." She said with a concerned smile. I just tried to ignore that there was a plate of food next to me and the two pairs of eyes which were watching me. Both occasionally exactly sharing worried glances.

Soon they both had to go back to class leaving only me in the room again. I didn't really fill like cutting some more so I just laid there starring at the ceiling. Soon I start to have flashbacks of Voldemort and Cedric's death. I quickly changed my idea of not cutting. I grabbed a blade and headed into the bathroom locking the door. I took the blood socked bandages of my arm and began to cut. I soon was in a puddle of blood again. I felt super dizzy. I walked over to the cupboard and got some fresh bandages and quickly wrapped my arm up. Then I stumbled over to my bed and laid back down.

Soon Hermione and Ron came back and sat on the bed going through what exams they had tomorrow. They had their last exam tomorrow. which also meant that it would be summer soon who wouldn't look forward to summer when you get to see the Dursleys. Me.

Soon Ron and Hermione disappeared off to go get dinner. They returned with 3 plates of food. Placing one on the table beside me. Soon they began eating. I decided that I no longer deserved to eat as I cost someone their life.

"Harry, you need to eat," Hermione said.

"I'm not going to," I said. Ron and Hermione both looked worried. But soon enough they left it alone and decided that it was late and we all should probably go to sleep. I mean they were the ones who were going to sleep. I knew I wasn't going to. I knew I would wake up with nightmares again.


	41. Chapter 41

Harry pov

Today was the last day of term. Then we had to go home tomorrow. To be honest I was not really looking forward to having to go back. But it did also mean that I didn't have Hermione trying to force me to eat all the time. I didn't understand why she wouldn't understand that I just don't fill like eating. After everything that happened over this last year with the Triwizard tournament.

Soon we all headed down to the great hall for the end of year feast. The drapes that hang from the ceiling we're black instead of one of the house colours. Soon once everyone has sat down Dumbledore began his speech. He spoke about what happened on the night of the triwizard tournament. As everyone kept looking over at me every few seconds.

Once Dumbledore had finished his speech food appeared on the table. Everyone began to pile their plates up. All I did was stare into space. The death kept replaying in my head agin and agin and agin. Soon I felt Hermione nudge my arm and pointed down to the plate that magically had food on now. I assume that Hermione placed it on my plate. I decided to just ignore it and continue to stare into space.

Soon the feast was over and we headed back to our dorms. Once we had gotten back I decided that I would pack the last few items that I needed to take to the Dursleys.

Soon I had finished packing. I decided that I would go get a 'shower' quickly. All I did was wet my hair to make it look like I had a shower while I left the water on and continued to cut my arm leaving a trail of red lines and and a puddle of blood. Soon I quickly sorted out the mess and headed out of the bathroom.

I got into bed and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts began to run round my head. Agin and agin and agin. I could not get voldemort returning out of my head.

Soon I decided to get up so it gave me some time to cut before I had to go to the great hall. I opened the door locked it and began to cut. Blood across the floor. Soon I decided that I needed to get ready for the day so I got some bandages and wrapped my arm up. Then changed into some jeans and a hoodie. Then walked out of the bathroom back into my dorm and went and sat on the bed. Soon everyone else began to wake up. Once everyone was ready we headed down to the great hall.

Once we had gotten to the great hall we all headed towards the Gryffindor table and sat down. Food then magically appeared. I knew that I wasn't going to eat anything today or for the rest of the summer I just didn't feel like it anymore and I also needed to get ready for quidditch next year. Soon Hermione decided that she wanted me to eat some more food so she began to pile more food onto my plate. I just decided to ignore it was I didn't really feel like eating anything.

Soon breakfast was over and we headed to go grab are stuff and go to the train station. Once we had all got our stuff we all walked down to the carriages which took us to school each year. Soon I looked over to see a horse like creature pulling them. "Hermione what's that pulling the carriage" I asked.

"There pulling themselves like aways." Hermione said. I decided that I would just remain quite until A voice came from a carriage. "I can see them to. Your just as sane as I am." Luna said. We all got onto the carriage. It then it began to head down to the train station. Once we had got to the train station. We walked onto the hogwart express. We grabbed a compartment and everyone sat down in there. Soon we all began to talk about what we had planned for over summer. I just completely zoned out though so barely anyone was trying to involve me in the conversation. Soon we arrived at kingcross station. Time for summer with the Dursleys. Who wouldn't love that.


	42. Chapter 42

> Harry pov
> 
> I was soon on my way back to the Dursleys. Before I had even got through the door I was told that I needed to make dinner. So I began to cook dinner.
> 
> Once I had finished I placed in down on th e table and stood in the corner until they had finished eating I washed up and then headed up to my room hoping that I would be left alone for some time. I decided that I wanted to cut a bit before going to bed. I grabbed my blade from my pocket and began to draw lines down my arm. Soon my arm was covered in blood but I continued to cut.
> 
> Soon the door was slammed open. My arm was still covered in blood. "So you decided that you would join in the fun. Wow you must of reached some new kind of low if you can hardly wait for the summer to be hurt." Vernon said as he punched my arm. Soon he slammedme into the door then let go dropping me to the floor and kept kicking me agin and agin. Soon I began to fill a bit dizzy.
> 
> It was a couple hours later but had felt like days when Vernon stopped. I sat on my bed with my blade and decided that I would cut some more. Just a bit more. Only a cut or two but that would be it. Soon I began to cut my whole arm blood was everywhere agin. Why do I have no self control. Soon I headed into the bathroom and just washed my arm down and then I headed to bed.
> 
> This year was the same as last summer. Each day I had a list of chores. Vernon evening 'entertainment' Dudley would aways beg to watch the but hardly ever he did but when he did, he aways joined in and when he didn't he aways had his own version which he would get his gang to join in.
> 
> This evening an owl began to tap on my window. I opened the window to let the owl in. It was a letter saying how they were going to come pick me up and take me to head quarters tomorrow. For once I decided to alert the Dursleys that I was going to be leaving tomorrow mid day. I walked downstairs to find Vernon sat at the table.
> 
> "I'm going to be going around Ron's tomorrow around midday. I thought I would just tell you so you know." I said.
> 
> "Who going to do the washing up? The cleaning?" He said but soon his face grew into a smile like he had a great idea. "Sure you can go. You can also have a lay in tomorrow as well." He said as I nodded and walked out of the room relishing how weird that was. What must he be planning to seen that excited. I soon headed up to my room, pulled out my blade and began to cut. Once I had finished cutting. I decided to go to sleep.
> 
> Soon it was morning. I woke up and went to grab my trunk and put in beside the door. Once I had done that I walked into the kitchen to go make breakfast but they seemed to already be eating. Vernon instructed me to come sit at the table. Once I had sat at the table I was passed a plate. I just put it down and decided that I did not want food although I didn't think they were offering anyway. "You can have some food if you want." Vernon spoke.
> 
> "I'm not hungry thanks." I said not wanting any more questions.
> 
> "Alright then, we have got you a leaving present, and we think that you will like it very much. And should come in extremely useful." Vernon said handing me a small package. I opened it slowly. Soon it reviled a packet of blades. "Thanks" I said with a smile. One thing of actual uses they had gotten me.
> 
> "Consider it an early birthday pressent" Vernon said with a smile. "You better go put it in your truck I suspect they will be here soon." He said as I went and placed them into my trunk. I sat back down at the table and waited.
> 
> Soon enough there was a knock at the door. It was Sirius and Remus and Ron. I grabbed my stuff. Remus shrunk the bag and placed it in his pocket. Soon we Apparated to head quarters. Ron and I had to share a room. I headed up and placed my trunk by my bed. I then sat on my bed.


	43. Chapter 43

> Harry pov
> 
> I laid there starting at the ceiling not wanting to move. I was just to tied it felt like there was a weight pushing me down.Maybe I should try using the new blades, see how sharp they were. I will probably do that later though.
> 
> Soon we were called down for dinner. I walked down not really wanting to be there. Soon Molly placed food on everyone's plates and everyone began to eat. I just pushed the food around my plate refusing to eat any of it. Soon it seemed as everyone else had finished so everyone got down and headed to go play quidditch but to be honest I did not really fill like going to play quidditch so I headed up to my room grabbed my blades and locked myself in the bathroom. Soon I began to cut my wrist. One line enough line and enough. Soon the floor was covered in blood. I soon searched the cupboard for some bandages and quickly wrapped my arm up. I walks out of the room and went back to my bed and just laid there.
> 
> Soon Hermione and Ron both came into the room. They both sat on Ron's bed. I sat up. "So how has the Dursleys been?" Hermione asked.
> 
> "Good." I said mostly basing it off what happened this morning.
> 
> "Have you heard that the Mistry Of magic has said that Siriusis innocent even though they have not caught peter yet." Hermione said looking up from her book.
> 
> "No he has not told me yet but that's great." I said.
> 
> Soon we just ended up just chatting for ages, but it seemed as if Hermione was trying to work something out. Soon enough though she decided that it was time for her to go bed. Once everyone had gone to sleep I snuck out and went to the bathroom and continued cutting again. Soon there was blood everywhere. A good thing about being in a magic house hold is that I can uses magic to clean the mess up. I quickly cleaned the blood then wrapped my arm in bandages and headed back to my room.
> 
> The next morning Hermione came in to get us up for breakfast. I really did not fill like going to breakfast what so ever. I wasn't going to eat anything so there was no point of me going to breakfast. "Harry, you need to get up it is breakfast." Hermione said.
> 
> "It's not like I'm going to eat breakfast so can't I just stay here." I said trying to reason with her.
> 
> "Harry, you are still coming down to breakfast." She said.
> 
> "Fine" I said as I got up as I rolled my eyes. I grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom and got ready. 
> 
> Soon I headed down to the table. We all sat around the table as Molly placed food on everyone's plate. Soon everyone began to eat. All I did was just sit there and push the food around my plate refusing to take a bite. Soon everyone began to leave except Remus and Sirius and Molly. I went to leave but I was told to sit back down. "Molly you can leave if you want me and Sirius will finish sorting out the table." Remus said. Molly soon left. They both then looked over towards me. "You are not leaving until you eat something." Sirius said as I rolled my eyes and decided if maybe I just sit here for long enough they would just give up.
> 
> After what felt like forever they still hadn't given up. "We will sit here until you eat even if it takes forever." Remus said. I just pushed the plate away. We just sat in silence for a while I tried to ignore their worried looks.Soon there was a knock on the door. It was Molly asking if she would be able to come and make lunch. Once she had opened the door she an noticed that I had barely touched my breakfast. "Okay Harry you can go but you will eat lunch" Sirius said as I quickly left the room.
> 
> I soon found Hermione and Ron who were upstairs. I opened the door and walked into the room. "Hi, what you upto." I asked.
> 
> "Hermione is reading her books from last year trying to get some studying done." Ron said. "Want to play chess?" He said as I nodded and we began to play.
> 
> Soon enough we were called down for lunch. We headed down the stairs. The others seeming more excited than I was. Soon Molly began to pile are plates with food. Everyone began to eat. I just cut the food up and pushed it around my plate. I did not care about the fact they were going to make me wait in here for hours after. It did not really bother me that much. As long as I didn't have to eat.
> 
> Once everyone else had finished everyone left the table. I went to leave as well but I was told to sit back down. I just stared at the food trying to ignore what was going on around me. Soon i decided to push the plate away. "Harry, you are already incredibly thin. You need to eat something otherwise we will have to try something different. I am quite sure you know what a feeding tube is. Quite often used in Muggle hospitals." Remus said. At this point I did not care. They would hardly be able to use one without proper parental permission. "You need parental consent for that though and seeing as my parents are dead that will be quite difficult to get." I said in defence.
> 
> "Well seeing as I am your god father I am the closest thing to your parents so that dose mean if we have to you will have one." Sirius said.
> 
> "But I could just not let you put it in and just take it out if you do." I said.
> 
> "We can work around that as well if it comes to it." Sirius said.
> 
> "Well I'm still not going to be eat." I said.
> 
> "Okay then. Well if that's your choice then we will do so. You got until this evening to change your mind after that then you will have to have a feeding tube." Sirius said. I just walked out of the room and headed upstairs and laid on my bed.
> 
> Soon Hermonie and Ron both came into the room. "What was that about?" Ron asked
> 
> "They just think I need to eat more and they are threatening to get me a feeding tube." I said as they both looked slightly concerned. "They can be so annoying at times." I said
> 
> "Harry, I have to kind of agree with them. You do need to eat more." Hermione said.
> 
> "To be honest with you mate they are right they are right. You do need to eat more." Ron said.
> 
> "You guys are just as annoying." I said.
> 
> "Well they are right in making you have a feeding tube. If you are not going to eat you need to have food of some form." Hermione said. As I rolled my eyes.
> 
> "Maybe we should talk about something different" Ron suggested. "Do you want to finish are game from earlier." Ron asked.
> 
> "Yeah sure" I said as I sat down on the floor.
> 
> Soon Molly called us down for dinner. We all headed down to the kitchen and sat at the table. I just cut my food up and pushed it around my plate as per normal.
> 
> Soon everyone had finished eating. I went to go play quidditch with the others but was told to sit down by no surprise. "So I am guessing you have not changed your mind." Sirius said.
> 
> "Well preferably I would just like to be left alone. I see no need for you to get involved." I said.
> 
> "Well as your godfather I do and I have made my decision that this would be the best option from here." Sirius said.He then turned to Molly and said. "We are going to be going down Saint Mungos to get this sorted." As he began to walk. I decided that it probably would be best if I followed. Soon me, Sirius and Remus stood outside. Sirius grabbed my arm and Apparated to Saint Mungos. Once we had arrived Sirius instructed Remus to take me to the waiting area as Sirius went to go talk to reception. Soon we were told to make are way to the 7 floor. I walked towards the stairs but then Sirius said that we had to take the elevator. I asked why we were not allowed to take the stairs. I hate elevators. I am away scared that they will break down or something. Soon we arrived at the room where we sat down and soon as the healer began to ask questions Sirius was answering them before I had chance to. Soon the question about when was the last time I ate came up. This time Sirius just looked over to me for an answer. "I don't know, not to long ago." I said. The healer then decided that he needed to know how much I weighted. He soon instructed me to stand on the scale. I just refused there was no way I was going to.
> 
> As the time went on there was more questions after the other. Soon anthough healer came in. The other healer said "please can you step on the scale we need to know what your weight is." The healer said. I just shook my headed. I was not going to let them way me. But soon I was hit with a body binding spell. They then used magic to pick me up and place me on the scale. I tried to breakout of the spell but was unable to. Soon they made a note of my weight as the spell came off and I sat back down. Soon one of the healers left the other one began to explain what was going to happen. "So we have decided as you requested to give Mr. Potter a feeding tube. He will also need to stay for 72 hours before being aloud to leave." The healer said.
> 
> "I'm not having a feeding tube." I yelled. "I am not sick so I do not need one and I will not have one." I said.
> 
> "I am sorry to say but as we have permission from a parent or guardians permission we are aloud to." The healer said. Soon the other healer came back in. I quickly placed my hands around my mouth and nose so they would be unable to put the tube in. Soon I was hit with another body binding spell. I was unable to move. They placed the tube down though my nose and just by the bottom of my throat. I kept coughing unable to move. Soon they were taping the tube to my face. The second the spell came off I ripped the tube off. There was no way I was going to keep the tube. no chance. Soon I was hit with another body binding spell. They then placed the tube in agin. This time I decided to just leave it because if I took it out agin they would probably just put it back in. They soon connected it up to a bag which looked like it was filled with poisons and other stuff. I felt it run down my throat and into my stomach. I felt all the calories begin to pile up. I hated it already and I have only had it in for a few minutes. Soon the healers left the room leaving only me Sirius and Remus in the room.
> 
> "How you feeling?" Sirius asked.
> 
> "I don't want to be here." I yelled.
> 
> "Well we did give you the option. You chose not to eat. We had no other choice than to take you here." Remus said.
> 
> "Why do I have to be here though?" I asked.
> 
> "Have you seen how thin you are. Hermione spoke to us this morning. She was saying how you barely eat at hogwarts and that you stopped eating agin after the triwizard tournament. Fred and George said the same. Also as we are on this conversation. Show me your arm." Sirius said. I just shook my head. "Harry jame Potter! Show me your arm" Sirius said as he grabbed my arm and yanked the sleeve up to reveal the bandages which were covered in blood. At that second a healer walked into the room to turn the feeding tube off so I could get changed.
> 
> "So Hermione was not lying when she told us you were cutting." Remus said.
> 
> "I am going to turn the feeding tube off so you are able to get changed quickly then you can come back and explain." The healer said as he unplugged the feeding tube and walked out of the room. I grabbed the clothes which Sirius had brought with him clearly suspecting I would have to stay the night. I headed into the bathroom and got changed. When I came back out I sat on the bed. It felt so weird wearing a short sleeve top but I wasn't aloud to wear my hoodie as it had a string in it although I could have quite easily taken it out.
> 
> I sat on the bed until enough healer came back in. He took the bandages off my arm, quickly cleaned the cuts with a wipe and then wrapped my arm back up with some new bandages. We all sat there in silence. I hoped that they would just drop it and forget that anything happened.
> 
> "Do you want to explain?" Sirius asked. I just shook my head enough has already happened today I just was not ready for that conversation yet.
> 
> "Okay well you will be able to talk about it tomorrow. I suggest that you let Mr. Potter sleep." The healer said. Sirius and Remus both agreed and left the room. I laid down and just stared at the ceiling.


	44. Chapter 44

Sirius pov

We soon arrived back at the house. Soon as we walked through the door we were approached by Molly. "How is he?" She asked.

"He has to stay the night, he has already got a feeding tube." Remus said.

"So are you two both going to visit him tomorrow?" Molly asked.

"Yes that is the plan." Remus said. "Anyway we are going to go to bed as we have to get up early tomorrow." Remus finished as we both walked out the door and into are room.

We both got into bed. Remus kissed me on the head and whispered "he will be okay" although none of us could be quite sure he was correct there. We soon both feel to sleep as we planned to get there as early as possible the next day.

Soon we both woke up. It was about 6 in the morning. We decided that we would go straight down to Saint Mungos to go see Harry.

We both got changed then went to Saint Mungos. Once we had got there we made are way to the room where Harry was staying. By what we could see it was not good. There was about 2 healers around the bed. Harry looked as if he was trying to fight his way out of the room. Once he had saw us he immediately stopped. We quickly spoke to the healers before going to speak to Harry.

"He has been trying to take his feeding tube out all night. We have had to put it back in about 7 or 8 times. We decided that someone must be watching him at all times." One of the healers said.As we nodded and walked into the room.

"How you feeling?" I asked.

"I want to leave. I am not staying. I want to go. I hate it here. They are also trying to make gryffindor loss the quidditch cup as well. They all are in on Malfoy's plan. Malfoy has been trying to get Gryffindor to loss So slythrin can win. He probably got his father to pay the healer to also help with the plan." Harry yelled.

"Well At this rate you will not be playing quidditch at all." Remus said.

"It not like you can stop me." Harry yelled.

"We can aways send an owl to Dumbledore to explain how you are not aloud to play." I said.

"I hate you both." Harry shouted.

"And we care about you Harry and as long as you get better we can deal with you hating us." Remus said. No one spoke for what felt like forever. Soon a healer made there way in and placed a tray of food on Harry's table. Harry just immediately pushed it away and refused to touch it. The healer then moved it back. And then walked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it is not that long I really need to start writing more. Anyway I will update tomorrow.


	45. Chapter 45

Harry pov

I don't even understand why I am here. I am not sick. I this was not what Sirius or Remus were on about when they said I would have to get a feeding tube. I could have quite easily taken it out if I was not here. Why did they have to keep putting the feeding tube back in. I do NOT want it. And now they are trying to get me to eat on top of that. They seriously are trying to make gryffindor lose the quidditch cup. Why is everyone against us.

Sirius and Remus both came bac k this morning and now they are also threatening to take me off the quidditch team. It is so unfair. "Harry, you need to eat some." Sirius said.

"Well I have to be here with a feeding tube and I'm not aloud to take it out without them putting it back in every time I try. I just want to go back and be able to enjoy summer instead off being cooped up in a hospital all summer." I yelled.

"It was either come here or end up being a lot worse and probably being here longer." Remus said.

"But it is so boring I can not do anything and I am just bored 27/7." I said.

"Well if you want Ron and Hermione can come down we

later." Remus said. We

"Yeah okay." I said wanting to be able to talk to someone who won't just be going on about how I need to eat more. "Can you also get Ron to bring his chess set down later." I said feeling in a slightly better mood now.

"Yes I will mention that to him." Sirius said. "Now do you want to explain what we saw on your arm last night?" Sirius asked.

"Preferably not." I said.

"Well you are going to explain so were do you want to start." Sirius said.

"I'm not going to explain." I said back.

"Okay you can explain at a later date but do not think that this conversation is over." Sirius said. I just rolled my eyes.

"So you need to eat at least one item of your breakfast." Sirius then said.

"And if I don't?" I asked.

"You will do even if we have to wait forever." Sirius said.

"Okay then." I said. I decided that I would take my feeding tube out as they were not going to leave anytime soon. I ripped the tube out. It aways hurt to take it out or put it back in but I was not going to keep it in so there is no point of them constantly putting it back in.

Soon 2 healers came into the room. I was hit with another body binding spell. At this point I was getting so used to them it felt normal. The spell soon wore off. "Harry you need to keep the feeding tube in" Sirius said.

"But what if I do not want to have a feeding tube." I said.

"Then eat so that then we are able to remove it." Sirius said.

"What if I do not want to eat either?"

"It one or both." Sirius said.

"Why can't it be none?" I asked.

"Harry you are thin way to thin. You are actually going to die if this dose not get better soon." Sirius said.

"So why should I care. It not like I haven't already almost died before." I said.

"Harry you should care about stuff like than just because you have not died yet dose not mean you can just go around and act like this is all okay." Sirius said.

"I can and I will." Harry said.

"Then you will probably never leave this place. We shall owl Dumbledore later explaining how you are not going to playing quidditch. I will give you a couple days to decide." Sirius said. "We are going to go back. We will be back in an hour or so. We will also bring Ron and Hermione with us." Sirius said as he left. Soon a healer came in I immediately ripped out the feeding tube. They just put it straight back in agin. There is no way to actually win this none at all. I have decided that I hate hospitals.

Sorry it not that long. I really need to write some more. I got a bit distracted watching Harry Potter and the goblet of fire.


	46. Chapter 46

Harry pov

Later that day Hermione and Ron both came in. We played chess for a while but then it was lunch. I hated the idea of food at this point. It was going to make gryffindor lose. Why couldn't anyone understand that. "Harry you have to eat some of your lunch." Hermione said.

"I'm not going to do you might as well give up." I said back to her.

"You know if you don't Sirius will make sure you are not on the quidditch team or aloud to play quidditch at all. You have only got in till this evening. If you eat at least one or 2 bites of each meal I will persuade Sirius to let you play quidditch." Hermione said.

"Fine but only as I get to play quidditch and it only a bite." I said.

"Deal," She said. I slowly picked up an apple and took the smallest bite possible. I felt as if I would throw up. I Drank the whole a hug of water immediately afterwards. Trying to get rid of as many calories as possible. I still felt sick.

"Okay well do you want to continue playing chess now?" Ron asked.

"Yeah sure" I said as he moved the bored back over and began to play chess.

It was later that evening when Sirius and Remus came to visit me and see how I was doing.

"Hermione told me that you ate some off your lunch today. So we have decided that we will not be sending an owl to Dumbledore yet." Sirius said as I smiled.

"Am I aloud the feeding tube out?" I asked.

"Not until you can eat half of each meal. But you will be aloud to leave not tomorrow but the day after." Sirius said.

"But what about hogwarts if I still have a feeding tube?" I asked thinking about the endless mocking that I would get from Malfoy.

"You will be aloud to take it out for lessons." Sirius said. But this also meant I could take it out when ever I was alone to or with someone who did not really care. All I had to do was deal with summer.

Soon it was time for dinner. I knew I had to keep my promise of eating at least a bite of each meal. I slowly picked to fork up and placed some food into my mouth. I then drank the whole jug of water which made me really bloated. Well I could feel the bloating anyway.

Soon Sirius and Remus both headed back home promise to visit tomorrow.

Sorry that my updates are getting shorter I am just struggling at the moment but I will do my best to update


	47. Chapter 47

Harry pov

Not much had happened over the last couple days while being here. But today I was being let out of the hospital. Sirius and Remus both came to Saint Mungos. The healers asked some questions before asking me to step on the scale. They soon wrote something down and continued to ask a couple more questions before letting us leave. I still had the feeding tube though but it was more portable than what it was in the hospital. I could easily walk around with it.

Soon we arrived back at the house. It was quite nice to be back Agin. I soon headed up to my room where Ron and Hermione were both sat surprised to see me.

"So they let you leave?" She asked.

"Yeah, but I have to keep the feeding tube in though." I sighed.

"Well you do need it you are extremely thin." Hermione said.

"Well I don't think that. To be honest don't think I need to eat at all. But clearly the healers all work for Malfoy's dad. As they need to make slythrin win rather than actually do it fairly." I said.

"Harry you are thin, the only person who dose not think you are to thin is yourself." Hermione yelled.

"Okay, Okay. I still disagree." I said. "Ron do you want to play chess?" I asked.

"Sure" He said as he set the bored up and began to play.

Soon Molly called us down for dinner. We all sat at the table. It felt as if everyone was watching me well to closely. I knew it probably was because I had barely been here for days. I picked up my fork and took one bite then immediately placed it down. Then I drank a whole cup of water.

Once dinner had finished we went to go play quidditch. We headed up to the large green house in the roof which was perfect for playing quidditch and began to play.

Soon it was later that evening we all headed inside and went to bed.

Not much really had happened over summer we were not aloud to live to house very often as Voldemort being back. We were unable to even go and get are school supplies. But tomorrow we all be going back to hogwarts again. We began to pack are trunks. I made sure I hide my blades well so Hermione would not stumble across them at some point. To be honest I was quite excited about going back to hogwarts. It would be easy not to eat anything and I would be able to play quidditch more easily as well without Sirius getting worried and telling us we are only allowed to play for an hour.

Once we had finished packing we headed to bed and went to sleep.


	48. Chapter 48

Hermione pov

Everyone came down for breakfast before heading to the station. Everyone sat around the table. Harry as per normal only took one bite of his food .He was still to thin. He was practically a skeleton. You could see the outline of his ribs under his shirt. He really should of had more to eat but of corse he did not. He was going to have his feeding tube out for most of today. He really needs to have it though but I know that he is probably extremely happy with about not having to have it as he hates the number of calories which it. Which really is not enough, no way near enough. He is already dangerously thin but he still thinks he needs to lose weight.

Soon we all arrived at the station. It was filled with parents waving goodbye to their children as they headed off on the train parents waving goodbye to their children. Soon we got onto the train and went and found a compartment. I and Ron both had to go to the prefect carried leaving Harry with the other Gryffindors.

Harry pov

Once we had gotten on the train Hermione and Ron both went off to the prefect carriage. Leaving me Ginny luna and Neville in the compartment.

Soon the others came back nothing that exciting happened while they were gone. Everyone mostly just sat in silence.

Soon the trolley came around. Most people choose to get something off it. I remember in the first year when I and Ron sat there sharing tons of sweets. That was probably more than what I ate in a week. No wonder I got so fat. I really do need to lose some more weight though.

I got elbowed as Hermione threw a chocolate frog at me. "I'm not hungry" I said throwing it back. She immediately threw it at me and said.

"I find that hard to believe with how little you have eaten over the 2 years." Hermione said.

"Still not going to eat it so give up." I said.

The compartment remained silent until we arrived at Hogstead station. We went and

Found a carriage before headings up to the castle.

Once we had arrived at hogwarts the first years were lined up ready to go into the hall for the sorting. When we walked in Hagrid's seat was empty and enough seat was filled with a short lady dressed in pink.

Sorry it is not the best. I just have not felt like it today. Anyway I will try to update more but no promises. But I will try to.


	49. Chapter 49

Harry pov

We all soon sat down as the sorting began. A few students were placed in Gryffindor. About 9. There was not many students this year. Well to be honest there is not many students in any of the years. 

Once everyone has sat down Dumbledore began his speech which was soon interrupted by the lady sat in pink. I did not really understand what she was saying much. Hermione did. She said the ministry was interfering at hogwarts. 

Soon food appeared on the table. I just stared at the table. Hermione placed some food on my plate but I did not really fill like eating so I just ignored it. She elbowed me, Indicating that I should eat something. I just pretended nothing was there.

We soon headed up to the common room. On the way to the common room we bumped into Seamus and Dean. Eventually Seamus flipped out and started screaming saying how I was lying about what happened and how I 'insulted' his mother. 

I soon sat on the bed trying to ignore what was going on around me. There was soon a knock as both Dean and Seamus came in. "Sorry about earlier I did not mean to flip out like that." Seamus said.  
"It's fine." I said.  
"So how was your holiday?" Seamus asked.  
"Alright" I said. 

Soon the door opened agin as Hermione and Ron both walked in.  
"Harry James Potter." Hermione started. "What happened to the deal first of all." She said.  
"Oh I forgot about that." I lied.  
"How can you just forget. Especially as you have not had your feeding tube in all day." Hermione yelled.  
"Harry, why do you have a feeding tube?" Dean asked. I opened my mouth to answer but Hermione took it upon her to answer the question as she started to look through the front pocket of my trunk where my feeding tube was.  
"Harry you are already to thin you need to eat something." Dean said.  
"It not a big deal. seriously it Nothing to worry about." I said wishing they would shut up already.   
"Harry." Hermione said as she passed me my feeding tube bag. "You need to put your feeding tube on. You have not had it all day and clearly need it." She said. 

I grabbed a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom. I knew you I might as well get changed now rather than later and safe the hassle of doing it with the feeding tube in. I tried to take as long as possible to get changed so I would not have to have the feeding tube in for as long. I really did not want to extra calories. 

Once I had finished I headed out of the bathroom, I headed out into the common room. We just sat there talking about are summers before heading off to bed.

Hi, sorry for not updating. Bad week some stuff happened. But anyway enough about my life. Do you want to know what is going on with Draco's life as well?


	50. Chapter 50

Harry pov

I was woken up by Hermione. "Harry it is time to go to breakfast." She said. I know she still knows about the deal. I just got up, headed to the bathroom and got changed. I was finally able to take the feeding tube out. I did that before anything else. Then I quickly cased a silencing charm on the room. Then proceed to kneel by the toilet and shoved my finger down my throat and immediately threw up. I did it a couple more times in attempts to banish any calories from my body. I then got changed and headed down to the common room.

We then headed down to the great hall. Hermione piles food on my plate. "Remember the deal." She said. I thought it would be over when we got back to hogwarts but clearly not. I really don't understand why she cares it not like it her life. But I had to as the quidditch trials were coming up soon. Well I did not have to go but I wanted to help out as per normal. Soon as the quidditch season begins, they will be less likely to take me off the team.

Once I had taken the bite of food, which was to much. I headed out of the great hall and immediately headed to the bathroom. I did not bother casting a silencing charm. It was to much effort and it was not like anyone was going to walk in on me. I placed my fingers down my throat. Soon followed by all the food I had eaten. The stuff which was going to stop me being thin. The stuff which was going to stop Gryffindor win.

I stepped out of the bathroom. My eyes crossed another pair of eyes but these ones were grey. It was Malfoy . Draco Malfoy. He was now probably going to tell the whole school and make my life shit agin. Hermione would know what was going on and try to stop it and when I don't she will tell Sirius.

I continue to walk by expecting him to make some kind of comment. I walk pass as if I was the first pawn to move on a chess board knowing that I would never make it to the other side alive. I looked over at his concerned face. He looked as if he knew something, something I did not know. I continued and just walked pass ignoring him.

I soon go and find Hermione and Ron, and we soon head off to class.

Draco pov

I looked over towards Harry after he clearly had made himself sick. Of corse he had made himself sick. He was staving himself. It of corse showed. I could not hide the concern which had filled my face. I wish I was able to. But I was not.

I soon walked over to Pansy to ask her for advice. "Pansy!" I gasped.

"What is it?" She asked concerned.

"I am worried about Harry. He looks way to thin and he was just throwing up in the toilet. Clearly on purpose." I said as a singular tear ran down my face.

"He will be okay. It is Harry we are talking about. He has survived worse. But I would try and tell Granger. She will be able to help him." She said.

"How do you plan on telling her?" I asked.

"Suggest that she should follow him after lunch or dinner. We should go to class you can talk to her then." Pansy said. I nodded and we headed off to class.

We soon arrived at class. When we were going in I got to scared to talk to her. I did not know what to say to her.

Once practically had started I noticed she went to go get some ingredients by herself. I walked over to go get ingredients for me and Pansy. I walked over and mumbled. "Granger"

"What do you want?" She snapped back in a whisper.

"You can not tell anyone I told you, but I suggest you follow Harry after lunch or dinner." I said.

"Since when was it Harry?" She asked. "But yes I will check on him. May I ask why?" She said.

"That is all that I can tell you about it." I said as I grabbed a bottle and headed back to the other slythrins.

Hermione pov

It was soon lunch. I made sure Harry ate his food as per normal. Well his bite. It was no way near enough but he aways acted like it was. As if it was to much. But he was just bones coved in a thin layer of skin. He looked as if he could be a ghost.

Soon lunch was over. Well Harry decided he would leave. I knew I needed to follow him. It made no sense why. I followed him up the stairs and toward Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. I opened the door. I heard him begin to throw up. "Harry!" I yelled with concern.

"What are you doing here?" He chocked.

"Harry open the door." I said.

"Can't you just go away and pretend nothing happened." Harry yelled.

"No, Harry you are sick." I said wishing he would just relishes that he is. "The only thing at this point I plan on doing is sending an owl to Sirius." I said "Can you just come out and talk about it." He then opened the door. Tears fell down his face. "Why?" I asked although I already knew the answer.

"Because-" he said.

"I have an idea okay." I began. "I will not tell Sirius if you try to increase what you eat at meals. And I want to keep hold of your wand. Not just a meals but if you are not in class or using it to study me or Ron will have it. And you have to be near me or Ron at all times." I said.

"Please can't you just forget this happened." He cried. I placed my arm around him to conform him. Ron at this point had walked in and saw what was going on. I kinda left without telling him. "It one or the other I can not just pretend nothing happened." I said.

"Fine, the second one then." He said. I placed my hand out indicating for him to give me his wand.

"Wand" I said calmly.

"Class is in like 20 minutes." He argued.

"Harry" I said as he took his wand from his pocket and placed it in my hand. I then put it in my pocket.

Soon we headed out we had transfiguration next. We walked out of the toilets and towards class. I knew this was a long road ahead. But much longer for Harry but I knew he could do it.


	51. Chapter 51

Harry pov

Soon the class was over. Hermione took my wand again. She really thought that I was actually going to try and recover. Off course, I was not going to. There is nothing to get better from. I really wish she would just forget about it. I wish everyone would just forget about it.

We soon headed into the dorm. Hermione told me to go put the feeding tube in. I did as she asked although, to be honest, I probably could have not done what she had asked, then she would talk to Sirius and say what had happened and I would not be allowed to play quidditch.

Once we had done some studying we headed to dinner. Well, Hermione brought some food to the common room. I took one bite. "It was only a couple peas," I told myself again and again and again. I repeated it as if I was reciting lines for a play. Once we had finished eating I immediately headed to bed.

Soon it was the next day. I woke up and got changed and took the feeding tube out. We then all headed down to breakfast where I ate a bite of food.

Soon we headed to defence against the dark arts. Hermione gave me my wand back. We soon walked into class, taking seats around the middle of the classroom.

Umbridge began to explain the corse and all that stuff which Hermione pays attention to but no one else dose. Soon I hear her burst out. "There's nothing about using magic." As she flips through the textbook.

"Using magic." Umbridge chuckled. "There is no need to use magic in my class. You will be learning about magic is a risk-free way." She finished.

"It does not risk-free if we are going to get attacked," I said.

"Do you expect to attack children like yourself?" Umbridge said.

"I don't know maybe lord Voldemort," I said.

"Detention Mr Potter my office at 5 this evening." Umbridge said "now some of you might have been told that a certain dark wizard has returned. This is a lie." Umbridge said.

"It, not I thought him myself," I said.

"Enough Mr Potter. Detention for a week." Umbridge said.

"So your saying Cedric dropped dead to his own accord," I said.

"Cedric Diggory death was a tragic accident. Make that detention for 2 weeks and at lunch as well." She said as I rolled my eyes. "I do not expect that attitude, go straight to your head of the house and give her this," Umbridge said as she passed me a sheet of paper.

I soon arrived at McGonagall office. I knocked on the door. She soon answered the door as I passed her the note and she indicated for me to sit down.

"Have a biscuit?" McGonagall said. I just shook my head. "Okay then, if you had not released the ministry is interfering at Hogwarts." She said. "So if you could try to keep your temper under control while in her class that would be highly appreciated," McGonagall said. "Also you have detention with Umbridge at lunch and of an evening for 3 weeks. I am amused that you know that means that you will miss eating hours in the great hall. So you can just head down to the kitchen to get food if you ever want. Are you sure you don't want a biscuit?" She asked.

"Oh, no thanks I'm fine," I said.

"Okay, make sure you do eat something. You are incredibly thin." McGonagall said. I just smiled and walked out. At least I had an excuse not to eat.

Soon it was time for the detention. I walked to her office and knocked on the door. Once she had opened the door I sat at the table. She set down a quill and told me to write lines. I soon placed pen against the paper and began to write. I soon felt a sting pain spread across my hand. I still continued to write it was almost worse than my blades, I wonder where you get these from.

It was a couple of hours later when Umbridge decided that it was enough. "Hand," She said. I passed her my hand as she inspected the cuts. Soon she rolled my sleeve up and pinched some of the fat that sat on my arm. "As you could guess there is a reason why I have chosen for you to come at this time." She said looking up and down my body. "I am only trying to help give you what you deserve." She said. "Anyway, I best let you be on your way." She said as I walked out of the room. To be honest she did have a point there.

Hi sorry for not updating. Guess who getting writing intervention. Me. (I felt like saying that) anyway, hope you enjoyed.


	52. Chapter 52

Harry Pov

Today was the last detention with Umbrige. I knew I needed to get more. I didn't care that I would miss quidditch except from the weekends. I just needed to get out of meals and this even gave me an excuse to hurt myself without being had ago at by Hermione. She had been trying to get me to eat more at breakfast but I still refuse.

I walked down to Umbrige office. I knocked on the door and entered sitting at the desk as per normal. I picked up the quill and began writing. I really wish I was aloud to use this to draw at least the scars would look nice. I mean the pain was amazing.

Soon blood was rolling down my hand. The detention ended in about 5 minutes. I began to write faster trying to get as much pain as I can from the quill.

About 10 minutes Umbrige said that it was the end of the detention. "Show me your hand." She said. I passed her my hand. "Now answer this honestly. Do you think you have learnt your lesson." She said.

"No, of corse not. To be honest I think I might need enough detention or a few." I said trying my best to get anthough detention.

"I thought the same." She said as she wrapped her fingers around my wrist, clasping all the fat which still was there. "You still have a lot of impotent to make. Why don't we add a detention in the morning as well" She said as I nodded. "Anyway dinner is now over I best let you be on your way." She said with a smile.

I soon headed out arriving at the common room where Hermione and Ron were both waiting for me.

"Give me your wand Harry" she said as she held her hand out to collect it.

"Do I really have to?" I said.

"Yes you have to." Hermione said. I then passed her my wand although I really did not want to.

"So how was your last detention with Umbrige?" Ron asked.

"She gave me more." I said.

"How many?" Hermione asked.

"Until she decided that it enough." I said. "She has also added an extra one in the morning."

"So when dose she expect you to eat?" Hermione asked.

"I don't think I am supposed to eat." I said.

"Harry James Potter, you are and if I have to I will bring you food after every detention." Hermione said.

"I mean she expects me to eat while I am there." I lied.

"Oh, Okay." Hermione said as her face began to turn slightly pink from embarrassment. "Make sure you eat enough." She said.

"I will." I said.

"So do you want to play chess." Ron said as I nodded and we began to play. Setting each figure in it correct position so it is perfect. Like I wished to be. I just wanted to be perfect. I was going to be perfect even if it meant I would die. I will be perfect.

Guess who going to be doing an all nighter as they are only on 20,000 words. And NaNoWriMo finishes in about 30 hours. Yes that is me.


	53. Chapter 53

Harry pov

A couple of weeks had passed. I had barely eaten anything. Well nothing to be honest. nothing what so ever. Not even a bite. I was almost at the high weight of a healthy weight. But I want to be under weight. I knew I needed to be under weight. I just had to be. I did not care about anything else I just needed to be. I barely had time to wear my feeding tube. Only when Hermione forced me to and I could take it out quite quickly. The only part of this diet was when I had to throw up after having the feeding tube in. I knew it would be,especially without having a wand available at all times. But of corse it would. But let's be honest a walk to Moaning Myrtle's toilet each night was not that hard. And it even burned calories. Which was aways a positive and like they say, think positively. I knew I just had to keep going I would eventually get to where I want to be. I just had to keep going.

I was walking back to the common room after one of Umbriges detentions. My hand was still bleeding so I quickly stopped in the bathroom to clean it up and headed back to the common room.

"I saved you some food as you clearly need it." Hermione said as she passed me a plate of food.

"I'm not hungry." I said.

"You need to eat." Hermione said.

"Or what? Are you going to force it down my throat." I said.

"I will if I have to." Hermonie said.

"It not like the hospital already tried that." I said.

"I will owl Sirius." She said.

"And what would that do?" I screamed.

"He will owl Dumbledore and get him to take you off the quidditch team." Hermione said.

"Like I care. I hardly play anymore anyway." I yelled.

"I thought you were doing this for as you wanted to be able to win quidditch?" Hermione said.

"It a lot more complicated." I yelled back as I left and headed to my dorm.

Hermione pov

I followed Harry up to his dorm. What dose he mean it no longer about quidditch. A year or so ago he would have done anything to play quidditch. Anything.

I soon opened the door to the dorm and walked in. Harry was sat on his bed as per normal. "At least put you feeding tube on." I asked. I passed him his feeding tube. He immediately started to take it out of the bag. Then he headed over to his trunk getting a pair of scissors out and then began to cut the tube. One cut. Two cuts. 3 cuts. He did this until it was in about a thousand pieces. "You need that Harry. You will die otherwise." I yelled as a tear began to run down my face.

"I don't care. I need to be perfect." He yelled.

"And you call staving yourself to death as being perfect?" I yelled.

"How else am I supposed to lose weight quickly?" He yelled.

"That is the thing you do not need to lose anymore weight. None what so ever. You are already to thin." I said.

"No I am not! I am not even a heathy weight yet. I am so close Hermione. Then I just need to reach being under weight." He said.

"Harry you all ready are under weight." I said.

"Just leave me alone!" He yelled.

"Okay well I am still going to owl Sirius." I said as I walked out.

I headed up to my dorm and began to write a letter to Sirius.

Dear Sirius

This is Hermione. I wanted to inform you that Harry is not eating agin and had just cut up his feeding tube. At this point me and Ron both fill like it would be sensible to remove Harry from the quidditch team.

I then grabbed the letter and then walked down to the owlery. I then found Hedwig and tied a letter to her leg. I assumed Harry would not mind me quickly borrowing her. I then relished her from the tower and let her head off to Sirius.

Sirius pov

It had been rather quiet over the last few months with everyone at hogwarts. I had received a few owls from Harry but not many.

I soon here a taping on the window. I opened the window to see Hedwig. I assumed that it was anthough letter from Harry. I quickly untied the parchment from her leg. I soon unrolled the letter and began to read.

Once I had read the letter I quickly searched for some parchment and a quill. I quickly wrote one letter to Dumbledore.

Dear Dumbledore,

As the legal guardian of Harry James Potter, I request that he is removed from the quidditch team. This is because he has barely been eating and clearly is unable to take part safely. If you have any questions I request you owl me as soon as possible so we can discuss this.

Sirius

I then grabbed some more parchment and began to write another letter.

Dear Hermione Granger,

I wold like to inform you that I have owled Dumbledore and Harry should be taken off the quidditch team. Thank you for notifying me.

Sirius

I then tied both letters To Hedwigs legs and sent her off. I watched as she faded into the distance.

Harry pov

I soon received an owl from Dumbledore telling me to some to his office. I decided that I probably should go soon rather than later.

I quickly left the common room and headed to his office. I then knocked on the door. It soon swung open. "You wanted to see me, sir." I said

"Yes it has come to my attention that you might be struggling at the moment." Dumbledore said. "And it shows. You really need to eat some more Harry."

"What do you mean I am not that thin." I said.

"You are extremely thin Harry. You friends are beginning to worry. We all are." He said I just remained silent. "So me and your Godfather, Sirius have decided that you will no longer take part in quidditch until you are a healthy weight." Dumbledore said.

"Am I free to go?" I asked

"I do not see enough reason to keep you so you may leave."


	54. Chapter 54

> Ron pov
> 
> Harry began to scream. Me and all the others were trying to wake him up but it was unsuccessful. He soon jolted up as he screamed.
> 
> "What is Harry?" I asked.
> 
> "It is your dad he hurt." Harry said.
> 
> "Mate, I think that it might just be a nightmare." I said.
> 
> "No, I am positive Ron. Your dad is hurt and if he dose not get help soon he is going to die." Harry said.
> 
> "Shall I go get McGonagall?" Neville asked.
> 
> "Yes you should.be quick." I said.
> 
> Soon Neville came back with McGonagall. "What is it Potter." McGonagall asked.
> 
> "It is Ron's dad he hurt." Harry gasped.
> 
> "We should take him to Dumbledore." McGonagall said.
> 
> We soon helped him up and began to head down to Dumbledore office. We sat Harry in a chair. As Dumbledore began to speak to McGonagall and then walked over to go ask Harry some questions. "What happened Harry?" Dumbledore asked.
> 
> "Ron's dad. He's hurt. A snake attacked him. He is in the department of mystery's." Harry said.
> 
> "Were you to the side of the scene or were you looking down on the scene." Dumbledore asked.
> 
> "Neither, I was the snake." Harry said. Dumbledore then turned to a portrait on the wall. "Go to your other portrait and tell the others that Arthur is hurt and make sure he is found by the right people." Dumbledore said. He then turned to McGonagall. "Go wake the other Weasley and tell him that their father is hurt." Dumbledore said.
> 
> "What's happening." Harry asked. The portrait soon returned. Dumbledore then gave it one other command.
> 
> "Go tell Molly that her children and Harry will be arriving soon." Dumbledore.
> 
> "LISTEN TO ME!" Harry yelled. Everyone then turned to look at him.
> 
> "What's happening to me?" He asked. As McGonagall then came back followed by the twins and Ginny.
> 
> "I assume you all have used portkey before." Dumbledore said. As he placed a portkey on the floor. "Make sure you hold on and your stuff will be arriving in the morning." Dumbledore said. We all grabbed hold of the portkey as we spun around and soon landed and was met Molly at the door. "If you would like to head up to bed. Harry I have a dreamless sleep potion if you would like one." Molly said as she was already passing him the potion. "Anyway you all better head up to bed." Molly said as we all headed to the same rooms we slept in over summer. To be honest we were all tired extremely tied. Well except from Harry who just sat on his bed and stared into space.
> 
> "Are you alright mate" I asked
> 
> "Yeah I am fine Ron." He said. It was clearly a lie. "Are you sure your alright." I asked agin.
> 
> "I am fine." He practically yelled.
> 
> "Okay well make sure you drink your potion." I said.
> 
> "I don't want it" He replied.
> 
> "If this is over the fact your scared that it has to many calories in, it only has around 50 calories, you will be fine." I said.
> 
> "I still don't want it." Harry yelled. At this point Sirius came in.
> 
> "Why are you all yelling?" He asked.
> 
> "Harry is refusing to take his potion" I said.
> 
> "You need to take the potion and a nourishment potion would hurt." Sirius said.
> 
> "I'm not having a stupid potion." Harry yelled.
> 
> "If I have to I will force it down you." Sirius said as he casted a body binding spell and placed the bottle to Harry's lips. After a few minutes he swallowed it. He coughed slightly. Now I will leave you guys to go to sleep and I will see you in the morning for breakfast where you will have something to eat, and that dose include you Harry." Sirius said as he headed out of the room. We both then went to sleep.
> 
> Harry Pov
> 
> Soon it was the next morning. I woke up and tried to go back to sleep hoping to sleep through breakfast. Surprisingly I managed to actually go back to sleep.
> 
> Soon I was woken up by Ron telling me to wake up. I soon got changed and we headed down to breakfast. I tried to walk as slowly as I could do it would take longer to get down the stairs. 
> 
> We soon arrived in the kitchen. Everyone was almost finished.
> 
> "We just about to go looking for you two, you took long enough." Molly said. "Take a seat" we both sat at the table as Molly placed a plate of food on the table. I could not believe they expect me to eat any of this. The amount of calories it must contain. I don't even want to think about that. More than one bite would mean I would gain all the weight I have lost over the past few months.
> 
> Soon everyone had finished, including Ron he was a fast eater. They all went to go play quidditch but I had to stay until I ate enough food. "Harry, you will eat something." Sirius said.
> 
> "Or what?" I snapped back.
> 
> "I will take you to the hospital agin." Sirius said.
> 
> "Like I care." I yelled back.
> 
> "Do you want to go to the hospital now then." Sirius said.
> 
> "Can I Not just go back to hogwarts." I yelled.
> 
> "At this rate you will not be returning for the next term." Sirius said.
> 
> "Fine" I said as I took the smallest bite of food. "Happy now?" I yelled
> 
> "I would like you to eat more but it will do for now." Sirius said. I just wish he understood that I had to do this. I do not understand why everyone was trying to make me eat. Wait... if I am fat then that means I am less active and unable to defeat Voldemort as easily. That means they must all be working for voldemort and that is why he was able to return as they were forcing me to eat. They all support voldemort.The only person who was helping me not eat. The only person who did not support voldemort was Umbrige. Maybe she was not so bad after all.
> 
> Sorry I'm not going to finish NaNoWriMo as life has gotten in the way and I feel like shit. Anyway hope you enjoyed.


	55. Chapter 55

Harry pov A couple of days has pasted since arriving here. Hermione came last night. She now staying for Christmas as well. Sirius has taken my fire bolt away, claiming that it is unsafe for me to have it at the moment. Claiming that I am to thin or something. So now I have no fun way of burning calories. Only running or sit ups or something like that. Soon it was lunch. "Great. Who doesn't love being forced to eat." I thought to myself. We all headed down to the kitchen where Molly placed food on each of our plates. I began to cut it up as per usual. I then mores it around my plate before taking a bite and then saying that I was finished. But of corse that still wouldn't be enough for Sirius. He still said that I needed to eat more. I really did not want to. I knew if I did I would be sick. But I had no choice so I fearfully picked up the fork and took one more bite. I couldn't wait to be back at hogwarts. To have detention with Umbrige agin. Soon it was after dinner. I decided that I probably should burn some calories. I sat down on the floor and began to do some sit ups. Soon my breathing began to speed up. But I kept going. To be honest jeans and a jumper is not the best thing to wear when doing excise but oh well. Soon winter break was over. This meant that Sirius would no longer be trying to force feed me. That would aways be a positive. But I still had to deal with breakfast today. I headed down to the kitchen to go get breakfast for the last time. I only ate a bite as per usual. Soon we headed down to the train station where we got on to the train and found a compartment and sat down placing are trunks down. Sirius still had my fire bolt as he said that it was unsafe for me to have it at the moment as I am to thin, when I am not, he probably just under the imperious curse by voldemort or something. The only person I could really trust at the moment was Umbrige. She was not under voldemort control. Soon we arrived at hogwarts. I decided that I did not need to get dinner as I was already to fat and could probably do with some extra sleep so I headed off to the Gryffindor common room and up to my dorm and went to sleep. Hi sorry I have not been updating as much as usual and probably not as well as usual I'm ill at the moment. But I will try to update before Friday maybe even tomorrow but no promises.


	56. Chapter 56

Harry pov

A couple of days has pasted since arriving here. Hermione came last night. She now staying for Christmas as well. Sirius has taken my fire bolt away, claiming that it is unsafe for me to have it at the moment. Claiming that I am to thin or something. So now I have no fun way of burning calories. Only running or sit ups or something like that.

Soon it was lunch. "Great. Who doesn't love being forced to eat." I thought to myself. We all headed down to the kitchen where Molly placed food on each of our plates. I began to cut it up as per usual. I then mores it around my plate before taking a bite and then saying that I was finished. But of corse that still wouldn't be enough for Sirius. He still said that I needed to eat more. I really did not want to. I knew if I did I would be sick. But I had no choice so I fearfully picked up the fork and took one more bite. I couldn't wait to be back at hogwarts. To have detention with Umbrige agin.

Soon it was after dinner. I decided that I probably should burn some calories. I sat down on the floor and began to do some sit ups. Soon my breathing began to speed up. But I kept going. To be honest jeans and a jumper is not the best thing to wear when doing excise but oh well.

Soon winter break was over. This meant that Sirius would no longer be trying to force feed me. That would aways be a positive. But I still had to deal with breakfast today. I headed down to the kitchen to go get breakfast for the last time. I only ate a bite as per usual.

Soon we headed down to the train station where we got on to the train and found a compartment and sat down placing are trunks down. Sirius still had my fire bolt as he said that it was unsafe for me to have it at the moment as I am to thin, when I am not, he probably just under the imperious curse by voldemort or something. The only person I could really trust at the moment was Umbrige. She was not under voldemort control.

Soon we arrived at hogwarts. I decided that I did not need to get dinner as I was already to fat and could probably do with some extra sleep so I headed off to the Gryffindor common room and up to my dorm and went to sleep.

Hi sorry I have not been updating as much as usual and probably not as well as usual I'm ill at the moment. But I will try to update before Friday maybe even tomorrow but no promises.


	57. Chapter 57

Harry pov

This is after Dumbledore has been fired.

Today was the last day of exam. We were heading towards the great hall for history of magic exam. We soon walked in and the exam began.

It was practically the end of the exam when I switched off and fell into a dream. Not any old dream. No it was like the one I had about Ron's dad. Only this time it was about Sirius. Voldemort was using the torture curse on him. I knew I had to do something even if he was super annoying and forced me to eat, I had to save him. He was my family.

We soon went up to go use Umbrige fire place. I hope she would not mind I mean I'm aways here anyway.

"Sirius," I said into the fire place.

"What is it?" He responded.

"Your sage that's good I thought voldemort had you and that." I said as Umbrige walked behind us.

"And May I ask what you think you are doing in my office." Umbrige said as she hit my hand. The same one that I have been caving words into for months.

"Seeing If Sirius is Okay voldemort was using the torture curse on him. Well I thought he was anyway." I said

"Voldemort is not back." Umbrige yelled.

"He is," I said, why would she be lying if she was against Voldemort.

It was a couple of days after. Last day of term before summer. Sirius had already said that I would be staying with him and Remus. I decided not to go to the end of year feast as to be honest I didn't really feel like it. I knew I probably should have but I still can't bring myself to eat at the moment. I knew I need to but I just don't want to and after all the only person who can kill me at the moment is voldemort, so I can't die so I might as well try to be thin.

The next move morning we headed down to the train station. We got a compartment as per usual. "So what happened to Umbrige?"Neville asked.

"She has hold of illegal be items such as blood quills, she was not trying to hide it either they swere all over the place, luckily we broke into there otherwise she wouldn't still be at hogwarts." Hermonie said.

"Makes you wonder what she would be using them for." Ron said.

"I don't know as a punishment I guess." Hermione said as I flinched knowing that was exactly what she used them for. "Wait," She said looking like she had come to some new discovery. "Did she ever make you use one?" She quizzed.

"No." I lied. At this point Hermione had all ready grabbed my hand and could see where the words had been carved. "What else did she do to you?" Hermione quizzed agin.

"That's it." I said.

"To be honest I do not believe you." She said passing me a small bottle. "Drink it,it stops you lying." She said.

"I don't-" I began before being hit with a body binding curse and having the position forced down my throat.

"What else did she do to you?" Hermione quizzed.

"Well she put detention every meal time so I would not be able to eat and tracked the amount of work I lost or gained and made me excise and use the quill for homework." I said trying to keep my mouth shut.

"Do you still have the quill?" Hermione then asked.

"Yes" I said.

"Where is it?" She asked.

"In my trunk with my other quills." I said as she grabbed my trunk and took it to out.

"Well you will no longer be needing that." She said.

"Now are you hungry, if so I will go grab some food from the trolleys." She said.

"Yes" I said as everyone else nodded.

"I mean no I'm no not hungry." I said.

"Clearly you are. So I will be back." Hermonie said as she set off to the trolley.

"I hate this stupid potion." I said.

"Well you where not going to tell the truth so she kind of had to." Neville said. I just stared at the ground not wanting to talk to anyone or be asked enough question.

"You alright mate?" Ron asked.

"No of corse not." I said.

"What's wrong?" Neville asked.

"Everything, Hermione just taken one of the only things I can cut with. Now I have to also eat over summer. I have this stupid potion that makes it impossible to lie. And Voldemort is the only person who can kill me so I cannot kill myself." I said as Hermione walked back in.

"What do you mean you cannot kill yourself." Hermione asked.

"The stupid proficiency means only Voldemort can kill me so I have to wait for him to decide to kill me." I said.

"Wait, you mean you want to die?" Ron asked.

"Yes." I said.

"Harry, we are here if you ever want to talk." Hermione said.

"Well maybe I don't want to." I said.

"Harry, are you cutting yourself?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah." I said.

"Harry where are your blades?" She said. At this point the potion was wearing off.

"Not saying." I said.

"Well we will just have to search for them then won't we." She said as she began to look through my stuff.

Soon we arrived at kings cross station. We soon existed the train. I went to go say goodbye to Ron and his parents before finding Sirius an Remus. "Hi" I said.

"Hi, I feel like we need to have a conversation about something when we get back and decided how to solve it." Sirius said as I shamefully nodded.


	58. Chapter 58

Harry pov

Soon we arrived at Sirius house. I went to go place my trunk upstairs but was interrupted by Sirius. "Put your trunk I the kitchen or hallway then come sit at the table," Sirius said so I did as he asked.

I sat at the table where both Sirius and Remus were sat. "Hermione spoke to us earlier." Sirius started. "She was talking about Umbridge and that. Do you want to explain?" Sirius asked.

"Preferable not," I said. At this point, Sirius and Remus both looked at each other seeming like they have discussed this before.

"Here drink this," Remus said passing me a bottle like the one Hermione had given me earlier.

"I know what this is," I said.

"Well, are you going to drink it or have it forced down your throat," Sirius said.

"Well, I don't want either but clearly have no choice," I said as I drank it but then tried spitting it out in a napkin but it just ended up going everywhere. Sirius then placed a body binding spell on me and placed enough bottle to my lips. I tried not to open my mouth for as long as possible. I could hardly breathe through my nose but knew I didn't want them to know everything that was going on.

After about 30 minutes I finally swallowed the potion. We then sat back at the table. I knew I had no control over whatever I said right now. "So Harry, care to explain why you are so thin?" Sirius asked. I'm not that thin though.

"Not eating I guess," I said, I really should not have admitted that.

"When was the last time you ate?" Sirius then asked.

"Last time I was here," I said.

"Are you cutting yourself?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, wouldn't Hermione told you that earlier?" I said.

"She did. Where are your blades." Sirius asked.

"In my trunk, there's a pocket which can only be opened by a key which is in the socks Dobby gave me," I said.

"Okay well, I think that is enough questioning for now. Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?" Remus interrupted.

"Yes I am hungry but I do not want something to eat," I said.

"Why don't you want anything to eat?" Sirius questioned.

"Calories," I said.

"You need calories to be alive and function probably you know that don't you?" Remus said.

"Yeah," I said.

"Do you want to be alive?" Remus asked.

"No, why would I want to be?" I said.

"Do you plan on killing yourself?" Remus asked looking concerned.

"I mean I would but the only person who can kill me is Voldemort so I cannot do much about that so no I do not plan on killing my self," I said. They both look at each other again. Remus then went and got my trunk and placed it on the table. "So do you want to get them out or should I get them out?" Remus asked.

"Why would I give you the only good thing about my life?" I said.

"I guess that means that I am getting it out then," Remus said. He then opened my trunk. Instead of finding the key he just cast an unlocking charm and took all of them out.

"Is this all of them?" Remus asked.

"Yes," I said as Remus then vanished them.

"So we need to come up with a plan, you need to get better," Sirius said.

"No, I don't," I said.

"How can we help you?" Remus asked.

"By getting Voldemort to kill me sooner," I said.

"Let us start of one thing at a time. How can we help you eat more?" Remus asked.

"I'm not going to so don't try to," I said.

"Well, you are going to eat at every meal. We are going to start off with lower-calorie things like soup and that and slowly build up from there. And I think to help with depression and PTSD you should keep a journal. No one will ever see it unless you want them to." Sirius said.

"No, as I said I am not eating," I said.

"Harry, you are sick. Earlier you even admitted you were too thin. I know you don't want to believe that but you are and you need to eat." Sirius said.

"I'm going upstairs," I said.

"No, you are not. You are to stay with the sight of me or Remus at all times." Sirius said. I just sighed and headed into the living room and sat on the sofa.


	59. Chapter 59

Harry pov

Soon it was dinner. I headed into the kitchen. We all sat around the table as Remus place a bowl of soup in front of each of us. I felt as 2 pairs of eyes watched my every more.

"You need to eat it otherwise you are not leaving the table." Sirius said. I began to pick up a spoon and placed it in the bowl collecting some of the soup. Soon raised it to my mouth. My hand was shaking so much I was getting soup every where. I then placed it in my mouth and swallowed. I placed my spoon down and pushed the bowl away to indicate that I was done. "I hope you know that is no way near enough." Sirius said.

"What do you mean, that's more than what I eat in a week." I said. He cannot expect me to eat it all.

"And that is why you need to eat more." Sirius said.

"But what if I don't want to." I said.

"You need to." Sirius said.

"Why do I need to?" I said.

"It unhealthy to stave yourself." Sirius said.

"I'm still not going to eat." I said.

"You are going to eat Harry. Do you want to go back to the hospital agin?" Sirius asked.

"No of corse I don't." I said.

"Then eat." Sirius said.

After a while I managed to eat enough spoon full of calories, I mean soup. "I cannot eat anymore." I said.

"You need to finish it before you are aloud to leave the table." Sirius said.

"But what if I can't?" I asked.

"Then you will go back to the hospital." Sirius said.

"I think if Harry ate about half of the soup that would be acceptable." Remus said giving Sirius a really stubborn look.

"Fine, but if you don't eat half then you will be going to the hospital." Sirius said. I then pick up the spoon and began to eat.

After a while I finished eating half of the soup. I felt as if I was going to be sick. I just needed to slip away so I could be. "Okay do you want to go into the living room Harry?" Sirius asked.

"Oh I was going to go to bed, I am quite tired." I lied I just needed to be sick.

"Well, give it an hour or so then you can but as you just ate you cannot be out of either mine or Remus sight." Sirius said.

"Why not?" I asked annoyed.

"Because you are not planning to go to sleep but make yourself sick. But tomorrow we will make sure we eat earlier." Sirius said. I just rolled my eyes and sat down in the corner. Well now I'm going to ruin everything I have worked for over the last couple months dare I say years.


	60. Chapter 60

Harry pov

I woke up the next day. I immediately thought to go back to sleep, I cannot eat if I am asleep. So I did exactly that, I went back to sleep.

"Harry it is time to get up breakfast is ready." Sirius said.

"Do I have to?" I asked.

"Yes Harry. You need to eat." Sirius said. He then walked out of the room.

"We will wait for you in the kitchen." Sirius said as he headed down to the kitchen.

After a short while I finally decided to get up. To be honest I really did not want to wake up but I had to.I soon got changed and dragged myself downstairs. i walked into the kitchen and sat down knowing that I would be sat for an hour or two. Sirus placed a slice of toast in front of me. It was also covered in butter. then Sirus and Remus both sat down at the table. "you are not leaving in till you eat." Sirus said. "do I have to i mean i ate yeasterday and eating everday is a little to much to be honest," i said. "you do know that you are supposed to eat two thousand calories a day," Remus said. "well thats for muggles though" I said. "well it is the same for wizards as well." said Remus. "dose it have to be?" I said. "yes it has to be, you will eventually be able to eat two thousand calories." Sirus said. "if that is your goal, you might as well give up.i know you are helping voldmort, so everyone else," I said. "Harry what makes you think we are working for voldmort?" Remus asked. "your trying to mke me fat so I cannot bet voldmort. I know what you are doing." i said as I threw the plate and walked out of the room and then the house, I am not going back there when everyone is working for voldmort.

I began walking down the streets of london in till i made it into central london. It was weird being in london after not being here in ages. well about a year. I thought about going to the wizarding part of london. I rember when I ran away from the Dursleys and stayed there. How i used to eat everyday while being there i even had butter beers, but that was like second or third year. Now i am not a whale like i used to be.

after walking for a while i began to feel tied and faint. I decided to walk over to a near by park and sit on a bench. I soon began to fall into a day dream and zoned out for a while.

I then heard the rusty park gate swing open, I immediately sat up and looked to see who it was. At first i did not recognise them but soon realised they looked simlar to one of my only friends in primary school. But they proably wound not rember me so there was no point trying to talk to him. "Harry" he yelled as he walked over. "Josh," I yelled back. He then walked over as his dark blonde hair danced around in the air. "I could hardly recognise you if it wasn't for your scar i wound not have been able to." he said. "you are still recognizable" I said. "okay well we were about to go get ice cream. do you want to join." he asked, to be honest i had nothing better to do but there was to many calories in ice cream so i said no but i got his phone number. This muggles know have mobile phone so i would ask sirus if i could get one of those but fist i had to go back to sirus house and apolisgise for what t had happened today.

After walking for ages I soon arrived back at sirus house. "sorry about earlier" I said. "next time talk to us. we are not working for voldmort," Sirus said. soon i began to explane what had happened earlier and we headed to a muggle shop to get a phone and i began to message Josh.

sorry if any of you saw an update earlier which magically disappeared. i accedentilly clicked publish. also sorry if my spelling or grammar is worse than normal i am typing it on my laptop and i do not have grammarly . anyway see you next time


	61. Chapter 61

Harry pov

A couple of days have passed. I and Josh have spoken a lot over the last couple days. It was amazing to talk to him. Someone who is a muggle; not being seen as famous. Not the boy who lived.

Text pov

Josh: hi

Harry: hi, how are you doing?

Josh: Great, what about you?

Harry: Fine.

Josh: You positive, I mean you do look rather thin. When was the last time you ate?

Harry: This morning.

Josh: Okay, so why are you so thin?

Harry: I do a lot of sports. I have to be extremely light.

Josh: so how many games have you won.

Harry: Most of the games I have played. I lost one as I passed out.

Josh: Were you okay?

Josh: I mean, of course, you are okay. You are talking to me.

Harry: Yeah, I was okay.

Josh: Do you still play?

Harry: No, I stopped just before Christmas.

Josh: Why did you stop?

Harry: Apparently, I was to thin.

Josh: I see what they mean. I could only tell that it was you, by your scar.

Harry pov

"Harry" Sirus yelled.

"yes," I yelled back.

"It is time for lunch," Sirus yelled. I just rolled my eyes and walked into the kitchen. I placed my usual mask on, hiding how I felt about eating.

"what have you been up to?" Sirus asked as he placed the plate of food in front of me.

"Talking to Josh," I said. "Would we be allowed to meet up at some point over summer?" I asked.

"yeah, but only if this improvement continues," Sirus said,

"Okay, thanks," I said. I Then picked up my spoon and ate the soup and the small slice of bread.

"There I am finished," I said as I painted a smile on my face.

"Okay, do you want to go sit in the living room," Sirus said as he followed me into the room. I then just picked up my phone and began to message Josh again.

Text pov

Harry: Hi, sorry I had to go eat lunch quickly.

Josh: that's okay.

Harry: so do you do any sports?

Josh: no, I do acting though. That is kinda like sports. Well, I am aways tied after.

Harry: That's cool what are you doing at the moment.

Josh: just monologues. Nothing interesting. But still fun.

Harry: that's cool.

Harry: do you want to meet at some point over summer.

Josh: sure that sounds good. Are you free next Saturday?

Harry: yeah, I am do you want to meet at the park?

Josh: yeah okay.

Josh: I have to go. My mum calling me for lunch. She made ham and cheese toasty (grilled cheese with ham.)

Harry: Okay, talk later.

Josh: Okay, bye.

Harry: bye.


	62. Chapter 62

text pov Josh: hi Harry:hi Josh: how's life going? Harry: alright what about you? Josh: good Harry: I was wondering if you would like to meet at some point? Josh: yeah, what about this Saturday would it be okay if I brought my friend Paige along as well. Harry: yeah that would be fine. Harry: where would you like to meet and what do you want to do? Josh: maybe we can meet at the park from the other day and go get ice cream or something. Harry: yeah, that sounds great. So do you want to meet at 12 or something? Josh: yeah that's fine. Harry: Okay great. I will see you then I have to go. My godfather calling me. Josh: Okay talk later. Harry: Okay bye Josh: Okay bye. Harry pov I put my phone down and then headed down into the kitchen where lunch had been made. To be honest I wish I just went back to hogwarts already as I would not be forced to eat but no thanks to Hermione telling them they now know what has been going on. I just want to be able to play quidditch and cut my arm as much as I would like but that's not aloud. "I am planning to meet josh on Saturday, is that okay?" I asked. "Yes, but you must be back for dinner and eat breakfast before you go." Sirius said. "Okay" I said. "Could it be less than normal though as we were planning to get ice cream." I asked. "You are still to skinny but I'm sure we can keep it the same as what it is now rather than increase it." Sirius said as he took a bite of his chicken salad. "Okay" I said. We continued to eat as I tried not to think about how many calories I was eating. S Soon lunch was over. I had to wait in the living room as per normal in case I decided to make myself sick. To be honest I needed to. I was starting to look well to fat. I just stood in the corner knowing that it burnt more calories than sitting down. I aways did this so Sirius and Remus would not think much of it. After a while I was aloud back to my room. I decided to try to do some sit ups then do some of my homework. Sorry I haven't updated I have been struggling lately with my own mental health but I decided as it Christmas and I am in the mood to write I would. I hope you enjoy and I will try to update before next year.


	63. Chapter 63

Harry pov

Today was Saturday. I woke up and got a shower. I looked down at my arm covered in cuts. Not new cuts. Old cuts that weren't quite scars yet. I hated seeing how old they look. They don't even look like they were deep enough.

Soon as I finished showering I got out and got changed ready for the day ahead. I looked in the mirror at how the clothes looked like they were to big but I was still to fat even fatter than what I was before but it was a x-small which made no sense at all. I really wish I could just go back to hogwarts already so I could stop eating agin.

I soon headed down the stairs and headed into the kitchen and sat at the table. I had a slice of toast as per normal. I did not have any butter on it though. That was to many calories. I just ate the food and then said goodbye to Remus and Sirius and headed off.

Soon I found a public bathroom a street down or so. I quickly entered checking that no one else was there and shoved my finger down my throat and got rid of all the food I had ate earlier. Then flushed the toilet, washed my hands and headed on my way to the park.

I began to walk towards the park. It was weird seeing people drink coffees which probably had hundreds of calories in. Or eating sandwich on there lunch break. I wish I could do that but I can't.

I soon arrived at the park. It was just before Josh and Paige got there. I decided to stand up as that burnt a few extra calories. Soon they both arrived. "Hi," I said.

"Hi, I'm Paige by the way." The girl said.

"I'm Harry." I said.

"So do you want to walk to the ice cream shop?" Josh asked as we all nodded and we headed on our way.

Soon we arrived at the shop. It was like a Dina from the 80s it was so nice though. We went and sat in a booth before a sever came to take are order. "What can I get for you guys?" The sever asked.

"Can I get a chocolate sundae." Josh asked as the sever nodded and wrote down the order.

"Can I get a strawberry sundae." Paige asked.

"Can I get a Diet Coke please?" I asked.

"Is that everything?" The sever asked the whole table. As everyone nodded and the sever went to go get the order.

"Aren't having any ice cream." Josh asked.

"No, I'm not really a fan of ice cream to be honest." I lied.

"They Do also sell milkshake and other stuff if you perfer that." Paige said.

"No, I'm fine thanks." I said.

"Okay." Josh said.

Soon the sever brought out the order and placed it on the table. Paige and josh began to eat their ice cream and I drank my Diet Coke. Soon we had finished and headed out of the shop. Josh phone soon began to ring he quickly answered his phone. It was his mum telling him that he needed to come home. He then headed off leaving just me and Paige. "What's the real reason you only had a Diet Coke?" Paige asked.

"I just don't like ice cream." I said.

"Really? Because if I am being honest I would say you are staving yourself." Paige said. How could she have worked it out so quickly. I mean I known her for a couple of hours.

"Why would I do that?" I said.

"I don't know. You look handsome so it dose not make sense?" She said.

"Sorry I didn't mean for you to find out like that." I said.

"Don't worry. If you want a friend to talk to you can text me. It aways helps to have a friend who can help." Paige said. I just smiled and nodded as she wrote her number down and passed it to me.

"I better go or my parents will kill me." Paige said.

"Okay. I text you later." I said.

"Okay bye" Paige said as she turned round as her light blonde hair blew in the wind. I then decided that I probably should head home.


	64. Chapter 64

Harry pov

I soon arrived back home. I took the longer way so there would be no point in having lunch although it was already about 4 in the afternoon. But just in case I guess.

I opened the black door and began headed upstairs. I decided that I probably should message Paige. I sat down on my bed and pulled the phone from my pocket. I unfolded the crumpled piece of paper and began to type the number into my phone.

Text pov

Harry: hi

Paige: hi

Harry: how are you

Paige: good. How are you.

Harry: good

Paige: I know that's a lie

Harry: I'm fine. I'm not lying.

Paige: you are not eating of corse you are not okay. I hate to think what you do behind closed doors. The fact that you wear long sleeves in summer dose not help your case.

Harry: what do you mean?

Paige: you self harm, don't you?

Harry: yeah, but it not that bad and I have not done it in a couple of weeks.

Paige: is that because you find it hard in summer to hide so you tried to stop or because you want to.

Harry: I go to a boarding school so I don't see my godfather and it easy to hid but my friend found out and told him so he took my blades.

Paige: trust me it will get easier.

Harry: highly doubt that. It not gotten any better over the last couple years.

Paige: it will trust me. As long as you try

Harry: Okay then.

Paige: I'm here if you ever want to talk.

Harry: thanks.

Paige: so does your godfather know that you have not been eating?

Harry: yeah, at the moment I have to follow a meal plan which I hate.

Paige: to be honest though I think you kind of need it though.

Harry: maybe

Paige: trust me. Maybe if you want to we could go to this small cafe that's recently opened they sell some low calories dish and also vegan if you want like for lunch or something maybe Josh can come as well.

Harry: yeah that sounds great.

Paige: Okay so I will talk to Josh and see when he available is there any day you cannot do.

Harry: no I'm free all of next week.

Paige: Okay then. I will leave you to.

Harry: Okay bye

Paige: bye

Harry pov

I placed my phone down on my bedside table. I couldn't believe that she worked it out so quickly. I have known her for about 12 hours and she already worked it out. It even took Hermione and Ron more than double the time it took her. 

Soon Sirius called me down to dinner. Remus wasn't there as it was a full moon tonight. He wanted to be out of the way so he did not hurt anyone. I sat at the table as per normal and picked up my fork and began to eat. I thought about ever calorie I was placing in my mouth. It was just some chicken with salad nothing interesting. But I remembered what Paige said earlier about how it would get easier. I knew next time we meet and got lunch that meal would be much easier to eat having them to talk to and just chat so I didn't have to think about what I was eating. "So how was meeting with Josh." Sirius asked.

"Good, he brought this girl called Paige along as well. She was really nice I was talking to her earlier." I said.

"That's good." Sirius asked.

"Would I be aloud to meet them next week at some point I am not quite sure on what day but at some point next week." I asked.

"Yeah that would be fine." Sirius said. "How was getting ice cream?" Sirius asked.

"Well to be honest I did not get any ice cream I just had a Diet Coke." I said as I looked towards the floor.

"Okay" Sirius said. "Do you want to have a snack later to make up for it?" He asked. I just nodded my head as tears rolled down my face. "Don't be upset. It not your fault. It your eating disorder telling you to do that. I am so proud that you told me though I can tell that you are now trying to fight it." Sirius said. "If you want to just go to bed after dinner you can. I trust that you won't try to be sick." Sirius said. I just shook my head unable to form words I knew I needed to tell Sirius about what happened earlier. "What else happened?" Sirius asked.

"I made myself sick earlier." I mumbled.

"Okay, lets just say today was a bad day then." Sirius said.

"Also Paige knows" I said.

"Okay How did she find out." Sirius asked.

"She just kinda worked it out." I said "that's why she was on about going to a cafe next week she wants to help." I said.

"Okay that's good, just make sure you do actually eat next time okay." Sirius said as I smiled and nodded.


	65. Chapter 65

Harry pov

I woke up. It was about 8 as the sun was already up. I decided that I would get changed ready for breakfast. Last night was probably one of the worst conversation I have had with Sirius in ages. But not the worst. I know that Sirius had probably told Remus by now. Well he should have transformed back this morning so they would of had an hour or so to talk. I hope that they don't decide to send me to a hospital I hated it there.

I soon decided to head downstairs into the kitchen where Sirius and Remus were waiting. "Take a seat I think we need to talk." Remus said. I then sat down at the table and kept my eyes towards the ground. "Sirius told me about what happened yesterday. First of all are you okay." Remus said.

"Yeah" I said

"Okay well I am not going to make a big fuss about yesterday but telling Sirius was the right thing to do. I know how hard it seems at the moment but give it a couple of months it will be much easier. Anyway Sirius was telling me about Paige. She seems like she could also help have you spoken to her agin since last night " really asked.

"Not yet no." I said

"Okay, me and Sirius were talking about you meeting with Josh and Paige next week. That should be fine but you won't be leaving till 30 minutes after breakfast. I just nod my head in agreement. I have decided that I think I am ready to try recovery. I mean if someone I have know for a couple hours can work it out that means I probably am sick extremely.

Soon it was time for breakfast. Sirius placed a plate of toast on the table and a jug of pumpkin juice on the table. I picked up a slice of toast and placed it on my plate. I decided that I would have just under half a cup of pumpkin juice. At this point I have already forgotten what it tasted like. I picked up the jug and poured it into the cup until it was half full. As per normal Sirius and Remus were watching my ever move but this time they seemed surprised by the fact that I have decided to have something other than just toast. I knew I needed to get better. I just kept trying to repeat that in my head as a voice constantly told me not to.

Once I had finished eating I headed into the living room and sat down on the sofa. It was a weird filling drinking anything but water. It did also taste amazing. My phone then interrupted my through. I then pulled it out of my pocket and answered it.

Text pov

Paige: hi is Tuesday okay?

Harry: yeah that's great.

Paige: Okay I will meet you at the park then like last time?

Harry: yeah okay.

Paige: so how have you been at the moment.

Harry: good, I am actually trying to eat more at the moment.

Paige: that's good remember I am here if you ever want to talk.

Harry: Okay. How did you work it out so quickly.

Paige: my older sister her name was Lola she had anorexia she was hospitalised after passing out her heart rate had slowed down and had low blood pressure. She passed away about a month later. she wasn't making a recovery and was not fighting she had just given up. You are as thin as her. She also used to love Diet Coke.

Harry: I'm so sorry for your loss.

Paige: don't worry. She in a better place now. But you better not also die on me.

Harry: I will try not to.

Paige: Okay. I know you can do this.

Harry: thanks. I am also here if you ever want to talk.

Paige: Okay. Thanks. I just have enough question.

Harry: yeah what is it.

Paige: can I tell Josh about your eating disorder. Just so he can help to.

Harry: as long as he won't make a big deal out of it.

Paige: trust me he wouldn't make a big deal he also knows about Lola. He came to the funeral with me.

Harry: Okay

Paige: Okay I am going to go eat breakfast myself talk later.

Harry: Okay bye

Paige: bye


	66. Chapter 66

Harry pov

Today was Tuesday. I got ready and had breakfast as per usual. At this point in time I was having half an apple, a slice of toast and half a cup of pumpkin juice. It was still extremely weird in my opinion being able to eat and that.

Soon I headed down to the park where I had planned to meet Josh and Paige. I got there a little earlier so I just sat on a park bench and stared into the distance.

About 5 minutes later Paige and josh arrived. "Hi" I said.

"Hi," Paige said. Soon we started to walk down to the cafe. We were just chatting about anything and everything. It was weird being friends with muggles. I mean I still loved to have them as my friends and it was quite nice not to have voldemort mentioned.

We soon arrived at the cafe. We took a table out of the way of everyone and waited for the waitress to come over. We began to look through the menus. It scared me by how many calories were probably in each dish. Paige then looked over and could probably see the fear on my face. "Are you Okay?" Paige asked.

"Just slightly scared" I said being honest.

"It will be fine okay just breath and we will get through this." Paige said.

Soon we placed are orders. I just got some soup which came with some bread but I asked for no butter. Josh got chicken pasta and Paige got vegetarian pasta dish. We soon began to have are normal joking conversations about anything. Soon the food came out. My head soon fixed on the amount of calories I was eating. But I quickly join back in the conversation and just ate my food trying to ignore the amount of calories but to be honest it was much easier than normal the voice was actually being quite for once. It was amazing to just enjoy the food. I was actually enjoying this.

Soon we all finished are meals and decided to leave. We went to enough local park and just walked around looking at the ducks and how care free they were and all the little children who were excited to feed them sneaking some bread for themselves. Soon it was getting dark so we decided that we probably should go home.

I soon arrived back home. It had been a couple hours after lunch so it was already time for dinner. I sat down at the table. For the first time it wasn't a battle but it was so much easier. Not as easy as earlier but easier.


	67. Chapter 67

Harry Pov

Today was the day that I had to go back to hogwarts. I knew I was going to miss meeting up with Paige and josh but I could aways text them. We ended up spending so much time together. It was so weird thinking that I wouldn't see them until Christmas.

I soon finished packing my trunk and headed downstairs for breakfast. I had some toast and an apple. Then we headed to kings cross station. This year I was aloud to take my broom but I don't have any plans on doing quidditch as I don't want to relapse but I might.

I soon arrived at the station. I said goodbye to Sirius and Remus. Then I headed on the train and sat in a compartment.

Soon Hermione came in followed by Ron and Neville. We began to chat about are summers and what subjects we were going to take this year.

We soon arrived at hogmead station. We got of the train and went to find a carriage and headed up to the great hall.

We went and found a seat at the Gryffindor table as all the other students began to come in. The noice slowly got louder and louder. Eventually the sorting took place and Dumbledore said his speech and then the feast started. I decided that I would have some chicken and potatoes to eat. I felt everyone staring at me. Both Hermione and Ron seemed slightly surprised but not to surprised. I mean Hermione was the one who caused all this. We then left the great hall and headed up to Are dorms. Maybe this year would actually be okay.


	68. Chapter 68

This is after the final battle of hogwarts. They have done all the horcrux hunting. The last 2 years were basically cano so there was no point writing them.

Harry Pov

Once voldemort was dead we all gathered in the great hall. The amount of dead body's laid out on the floor. So any life's were lost during the battle. Sirius and Remus died. Fred died. And so many others. It was all my fault if I had just went down to the forest sooner they would all be alive but their not.

Soon we all headed on the Hogwarts Express and headed to kings cross station. Ron offered for me to go back to the burrow and stay there. But I decided that I was going to stay were I had stayed for the last couple years. At Sirius house. Which was now mine as he aways said it would be but I would perfer to have him and Remus alive.

I soon arrived at the house. I opened the door and just sat on the sofa. I really needed to fill something. Just anything. I knew I had not done this in years but I need to. I headed into the kitchen and tried to find something sharp that would let me fill just enough pain to get through the day. I soon found a knife. I dragged it across my wrist. There wasn't much blood but just enough. Just enough to get through.

I soon decided that I would head to to the shop to go and get some basic supplies like soap and toothpaste.

Once I had arrived at the shop I grabbed the basics and some blades. Paid for it all and then headed home.

I put everything on the side. I decided that I couldn't be bothered to eat so I just went to sleep. I soon received a message from Josh

Text pov

Josh: hi, how are you?

Harry: good how are you?

Josh: good. So how's school going?

Harry: good. How's it been for you.

Josh: good.

Harry: I'm going to go to sleep as I'm tired talk soon

Josh: Okay yeah talk soon.

Harry Pov

To be honest I have not told josh about the whole war and everything yet. I just have not been able to explain it without mentioning magic and that.

I got changed for bed and then laid down and drifted off to sleep.

Soon it was the next day. I woke up. Cut my arm a bit. And just sat down and did nothing I wasn't really to sure on what is going on to be honest. I just don't fill like doing anything.

It was soon a couple of week later. I was sat on the sofa as per normal. I quite often fell to sleep on the sofa. It was a normal thing for me. Soon the fire place bust up in flames and Ron walked out shortly followed by Hermione.

"Hi" Ron said.

"Harry, you are just hiding here not socialising with anyone. You are isolating yourself agin. You need to talk about what going on and not just ignore everyone." Hermione said.

"I'm fine I've just been tired lately." I said.

"Harry James Potter. You clearlyare not fine. The whole war just ended and you think that hiding from everyone is going to do something." Hermione said.

"I'm not hiding from anyone." I said.

"Then why have you not answered a signal owl." Hermione said.

"Umm." I said unsure on what to say.

"See. And when was the last time you ate." Hermione asked.

"The other night" I said.

"You do know you need to eat more than that." Hermione said.

"I know. I just don't fill like it." I said.

"You are starting to look to thin agin." Hermione said.

"It really is not a big deal." I said.

"Do I have to remind you of what happened last time." Hermione said.

"Well I deserve it to be honest" I said.

"You did not deserve what happened." Hermonie said.

"Okay, Anyway why did you come here." I asked.

"To check on you and ask if you are going to go hogwarts next year." Hermione said.

"I'm fine and I will go hogwarts as I have nothing better to do." I said.

"Okay So we will leave you to it unless you want to come to the burrow or we could stay here." Hermione said.

"No I'm fine thanks." I said.

"Okay make sure you eat something. You can aways owl me or Ron if you need anything." Hermione said as they both left. I still didn't fill like doing anything so I just fell to sleep making a mental note to eat something as soon as I woke up.


	69. Chapter 69

Harry Pov

Today was the day we had to go to hogwarts. I put the last things in my trunk and flooed to the station and then headed to a compartment. I sat out of the way so I wouldn't have to deal with other people. I laid my head against the wind and went to sleep.

Draco pov

I walked across the train after deciding to return to hogwarts. I come across a compartment which was basically empty. There was one person curled up in the corner. I soon walked in and relished that the person sat in the corner was harry. I haven't had a proper conversation with him for ages. Oh and of corse I need to restore his memory. I then pulled my wand out and said the spell so he would remember about us dating and the many nights we sept in the astronomy tower. I soon pulled the compartment blinds down and woke Harry up. "Draco" He said.

"Do you remember?" I asked not being able to help myself.

"We dated" Harry then said clearly getting his memory back.

"Yes we did." I said.

"You took my memory, but gave it back. Why?" Harry asked.

"To protect you" I said.

"Okay?" He said.

"So I was wondering if you would want to meet at the astronomy tower this evening." I asked as Harry nodded in agreement.

"Yeah Of corse." Harry said.

"Okay I will see you there just after curfew as per normal. I need to go find Pansy to check She okay." Said as I disappeared around the corner.

I eventually found Pansy. "Guess who I just spoke to?" I said in excitement.

"By the sounds of it seems like Merlin himself." Pansy joked.

"No, Potter." I said.

"And.." Pansy asked almost as excited as me.

"I restored his memory and we are meeting at the astronomy tower this evening." I said.

"That great. You two can hopefully get back together like you were before." Pansy said.

"Yeah" I said. We continued talking about random things until we arrived at hogwarts.

Harry pov

I sat in the compartment soon as Draco left. Shortly joint by Ron and Hermione.

"There you are." Hermonie said. "We been looking for you everywhere."

"I've been here the whole time." I said.

"So how are you?" Hermione asked.

"Fine." I said.

"Really? I find it hard to believe you." Hermione said.

"Really" I said as I faked a smile hoping she would stop annoying me about it.

We then ended up chatting about random things for the whole journey until we arrived at hogwarts. We then headed into the great hall and sat at the Gryffindor table.

Soon after McGonagall had finished her speech the feat began. Everyone began to pile there plates. I just had some chicken and head up to the common room. We were in the Gryffindor tower which was nice of corse I mean it is where I have been for the last few years. I soon put my trunk down by my bed grabbed my blades headed to the bathroom locked the door and began to cut. Soon there was a puddle of blood on the floor. I quickly cleaned it up and headed to the astronomy tower were I planned on meeting Draco. 

I soon arrived at the astronomy tower where Draco was already there. I sat against the stone wall next to Draco. "How have you been?" He asked.

"Fine." I said.

"Don't believe you." He said.

"I'm fine." I said trying to paint a small smile across my face.

"If you say so." He said. " but if you ever want to talk you aways can." He said as he placed his arm around me, casing me to flinch due to the cuts from earlier. "What did I do." Draco asked with his voice laced with concern.

"Nothing. It fine." I stuttered.

"Show me Your arm." Draco said.

"There's no point there's nothing wrong with it." I said trying to avoid eye contact.

"If it was fine you would show me." He said. I slowly un rolled my sleeve to reveal the cuts from summer and earlier this evening.

"Their fresh. Like today fresh." Draco said as he pulled his wand from his pocket and healed the one which were still open.

"Sorry" I mumbled.

"Just talk to someone next time." He said as we locked eyes. Soon I felt his face get closer and closer as I closed my eyes. I soon felt his lips press against mine. He soon licked my bottom lip requesting entry as I opened my mouth and he began to use his tong to explore. We then broke apart to quickly breathe some air before we then pressed are lips agin. This time he opened his mouth and I began to explore.

Once we had finished kissing each other we decided that it was to cold so we headed back inside and back our own beds.


	70. Chapter 70

Harry Pov

Today was the first day that we had classes. I headed to the bathroom and cut my arm a couple times thinking about everyone who I have killed within my life. The people I've hurt. The people who are left parentless.

Once I has finished I headed out of the bathroom and down into the common room to meet the others before heading to breakfast.

We arrived at breakfast and sat at the Gryffindor table and began to eat. I only had a slice of toast. Hermione did say that I needed to eat more but it better that nothing of I am being honest.

As we walked towards Are first class I kept getting flash backs from the war. Dumbledore falling from the tower the body's lined up in the great hall. And it was all my fault. Everything was my fault. I wish I would have just died when I headed into the forest that day.

I walked into my first class. I sat at the desk not even registering what class we were in. I just zoned out and basically spent the whole lesson in this weird state of dreams.

Soon it was that evening at dinner. I really did not fill awake enough to go and eat so I just headed up into my dorm and fell to sleep.

I heard Hermione and Ron walk into the dorm as I began to wake up. It was about an hour or so later. "Why were you not at dinner?" Hermione said.

"I didn't fill like going." I said.

"Okay if this becomes a regular occurrence then I will drag you down." Hermione said. I just nodded and headed into the bathroom. I grabbed my blades from my draw and began to cut my arm. The new one stuck out from the old ones and scars. I soon pulled my sleeve down and decided that I would go for a walk.

I soon was just aimlessly walking around the school before bumping into Draco. "What are you doing out?" Draco asked.

"Just gone for a walk. Why are you out?" I asked.

"I was helping slughorn." He answered. "Why have you gone for a walk at this time of night." Draco asked.

"Didn't fill like sleeping." I said.

"Do you want to go and find some where to sit." Draco asked as I nodded.

We soon arrived at the room of requirements where there was a sofa with some pillows. We then both sat on the sofa as I leaned against Draco. He began to run his fingers through my hair. "Why were you not at dinner?" Draco asked.

"I was asleep." I said.

"So you went to sleep earlier and can not sleep now. Be honest I am not surprised." Draco said.

"I still tied." I said.

"You do look tired." Draco said. As we continued are conversation as I fell to sleep.

Soon I was woken up by Draco. "I was sleeping." I yawned.

"You can go sleep in your bed it about 4 in the morning. We should headed back to Are dorms." Draco said as I nodded in agreement and went back to my dorm.


	71. Chapter 71

Harry Pov

It has been a couple of weeks since school had started. I still feel so tired all the time and I cannot constrain in class. Hermione is beginning to worry. I feel so bad for making her worry. Well it not like i can just stop. I deserve this. I deserve every little bit of pain. I have costed so many's people's life.

I am sat on the floor in the bathroom with blood all across the floor. Not to much to make a real problem just a lot. I decided that I would only add one or two more cuts before heading to breakfast. To be honest there was probably no point in going but it made Hermione happy. Well a little better. We have barely spoken within the last couple weeks. I mean we have spoken but not much. I have spent most of my evening with Draco. Hermione and Ron both know and took it fine. They said that it was obvious.

I soon head down to breakfast. I sat at the table next to Hermione and Ron. Hermione piles my plate up with food as per normal. I just ignore it as per normal.

Once breakfast was over I followed Ron to class. We had the same classes so I could just follow him. I had no clue which classes Hermione was in but I knew she was in this one as she was walking the same way.

I sat in my seat which was near the back. I just zoned out and continued to think about everything and how I should have died. Maybe I still can. I mean I can just slit my wrist or something. Or use a cutting curse. Yes that is perfect that is exactly what I will do. This is probably the best plan I have had in ages. I would finally get what I deserve. My face lit up with a small smile which I found next to impossible to get rid off.

Soon it was lunch. I sat down at the table. I did not even both to eat any food as I did not fill like it. "So what were you so happy about earlier?" Ron asked.

"Nothing." I said not sure on what to say.

"Are you planning to meet Draco and have some fun tonight." Ron teased.

"I did not need that thought." Hermione said.

"Maybe.." I said raising my eyebrow.

"Okay enough of talking about your romantic life and eat something." Hermione said.

"Not hungry." I said as to be honest I wasn't.

"He probably a little excited." Ron joked.

"Yeah, I promise that I will eat tomorrow." I said knowing that I would not be here tomorrow.

Soon class was finished for that day. I quickly headed to the Gryffindor common room and got changed and then headed to Moaning Myrtle's toilet. I sat down on the floor. Picked up a quill and wrote a note to Ron, Hermione and Draco and placed it down. Then pointed my wand to my left wrist and muttered "Sectumsempra" and then moved my wand so it was pointed at my right wrist and muttered "Sectumsempra" agin as the blood began to rush out of my body. The whole floor was coved in blood. Everything slowly faded into black. I then closed my eyes and drifted off. I finally got what I deserved. I was dead.


	72. Chapter 72

* * *

Draco pov

I headed down to the great hall to see that Harry was not there. I just sat at the slythrin table and began to eat. I made a mental note to ask if he was okay.

Soon Ron and Hermione got up to leave so I decided to follow. "Granger" I yelled once we left the great hall. She soon turned around and waited for me to catch up. "Where's Harry?" I asked.

"I thought he was with you." She said as her face filled with confusion and slight concern.

"Fuck" I said. "We need to find him." 

"Where do we look." She asked.

"Try the astronomy tower." I suggested as we began to headed towards there.

After we had ran up all the stairs no one cared about the fact they could hardly breathe. We just needed to find Harry. "He not here." I gasped.

"Try Moaning Myrtle bathroom." Hermione said.

"Where?" I asked.

"Just follow me." She said as we headed off agin.

We soon are at the bathroom where blood painted the floor. I quickly ran over to Harry who laid unconscious on the floor. I quickly picked him up and the parchment that laid beside him. Granger grabbed the parchment as she could see I was struggling as I held Harry in bridal style. Without saying a world to each other we headed to the hospital wing.

Once we had got there I placed Harry on a bed as Madame Pomfrey ce out to see what was going on. "What happened?" She asked.

"He tried to kill him self." Hermione responded.

"Okay if you wait out side I will see what I can do." She said as she closed the curtains.

We waited outside of the hospital wing. Granger soon passed me the parchment after she had read it.

To Draco, Hermione and Ron

Sorry that I couldn't keep fighting. You must understand that I deserve this. I have cost so many innocent people's life's. I am the reason so many people are dead are no longer alive. Hermione and Ron, you have been there for me since starting hogwarts you are my best friends please don't blame yourself. Draco, you are such amazing boyfriend and you deserve to be happy do please don't be sad and understand that this is what I deserve. I love you so much and I am sorry to leave you. Promise that you will stay strong and won't be sad about someone with so little importance has died.

Harry

I then pass the note to Ron as he was the only one who has not read it. We all sit there quietly. Tears falling from all of our eyes. 

Madame Pomfrey soon walks out. Her face is filled with sadness. It looked as if she was about to cry. "I'm sorry he did not make it." She said. It took me a moment To relise that this was not some cruel joke. But it wasn't. Tears began to full down my face even quick than what they had done before. It stupid to think a comment which was meant as a joke cased all of this.


End file.
